Yeah, another clueless parenting thread! My 2-1/2 year old daughter is in potty training. She now wears underwear pretty much any time she is not sleeping, and usually lets us know if she needs to use the potty. In order to encourage her in this endeavor, any day that she does not have an accident, she gets a sticker. Some number of stickers (still to be determined) can be exchanged for a treat (dinner out, a toy.)
The problem is, I also have a 2-1/2 year old son, who still isn’t really picking up on the potty idea. He sees his sister use hers, and he’ll sit on his own potty, but not with much success. My inherent sense of egalitarianism tells me that he should have the same opportunity to earn stickers and rewards that she does, but I don’t want to pressure him with the potty issue.
Is this just silly? I’m not sure what things to reward him for. He’s certainly better at cleaning up then she is, but they both fight over who gets to feed the cats.
I have to say, I agree with twickster. Even though your kids are twins, they are different & will do different things at different times. Maybe it’s better not to manufacture something to reward him for, just so things are the same…the fact is, she is getting the hang of it and he is not. One of these days, I’m sure there will be something he’s quicker at than she is. I mean, really, he DOES have the same opportunity as her…the potty is just as much available to him. Boys tend to be a little challenged in this area, as compared to girls, but maybe seeing her get the rewards will encourage him, you never know.
Boys usually toilet train later than girls. Most of the little boys I’ve known well weren’t trained until they were four and it was typical for them to still have accidents until they were as old as five, especially when running around engrossed in excited play. Your son’s day will come. By the time it does, your daughter will have forgotten her reward and she’ll be the jealous one.
You are rewarding the behaviour when it is shown. It’s almost regardless of which child does it. When a child is dry all day they get a sticker. Currently that’s Missy but presently it will be Sonny. If they question it just explain that they are both individuals and they can choose to do potty-training when they are ready and you will always have stickers for whenever they are ready to potty-train. Obviously do this in 2-year-old appropriate language. This way you can a) be comfortable praising Missy and b) reassure Sonny that there is still plenty of praise stored up for when he feels ready.
I’m ambivalent. Yes, “fair” needs to be removed from your vocabulary right now. Each kid has different needs and different abilities. “From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs.” Isn’t that how it goes?
On the other hand, 2.5 is old enough to start getting chores and enjoying rewards for them (even if the reward is parental praise). WhyBaby’s (call it 18 months) chores are as follows:
She gets her own bib out of a basket in her armoire for dinner time.
She puts her dishes on the counter when she’s done eating. (We’ll put them in the dishwasher for her until she can be taught to scrape her plate without throwing it into the garbage can!)
She puts her soiled diapers in the garbage can.
She helps Mama pick up her toys every night before bed and put them in her baskets.
She scoops the food and puts it in the cats’ dishes.
She pours the water to refill the cats’ water fountains.
She doesn’t get stickers for any of it, but they’re all age appropriate chores you could give stickers for if that’s what you’re into. Some of them are “clean up after herself” chores and some are “help the family” chores.
I used the stickers as the reward. Gets them ready for the pre-school stickers.
Boys are a little slower. The average age for a girl is 29 months and a boy 31 months old.
By 36 months 98% are trained, so don’t sweat it. My son was probably a little older than my niece that’s around the same age but once he got it, he never had an accident. One day he just decided to use the potty and that was it.
I wouldn’t pressure him. Have you ever met an adult that wasn’t trained?
Amen! Years ago, when my two oldest (now 19 and 15) were very small, I read an article on “fairness” in a parenting mag, and have used the advice ever since. Basically, the article said that you cannot strive to treat your children all equally, all the time. It’s a losing proposition. So, the suggestion was to slightly alter the definition of “fairness” such: fairness means that everyone gets what they need, when they need it. I’ve always explained it to my kids this way, and they’ve accepted it.
This approach allows me such niceties as being able to buy a shirt for one, just because I found a great deal on it, without having to scour the store looking for a shirt for the other one (and probably paying full-price for it, thus negating the savings of the first shirt).
I was doing that same exact drill a couple of months ago. With similar results - ds wasn’t quite as enthralled with the potty as dd, hence didn’t collect stickers as quickly. Once, he sat on the pot before I’d had a chance to rinse, and claimed her piss as his!
Soon I threw the contest a bit, and “forgot” to give her a couple of stickers (she didn’t notice) while rewarding him for even the merest dribble. That way they earned rewards at roughly the same pace. Otherwise I felt like it was too much pressure for him - it’s just his temperament. Not that life should always be fair, but he seemed to feel shamed, and I didn’t want to set him up for that.
There’s fair & there’s FAIR – I think 2.5 is too young for intellectual exercises. All they understand are the emotional ones.
Lately neither one of them remembers to potty so the whole thing has been shelved. I guess I’m supposed to be prompting them every hour, on the hour? – really, that’s a bit much for me. It’s bad enough wrangling 2 kids who want to pee/wash/wash/wash/wash.
You might want to check out Barbara Ames’ books - I found them extremely helpful & wish I’d read her sooner.
Fairness has a different meaning when you’ve got preschool-aged twins. They’re far too young to understand “to each according to his needs”. I’ve tried. It doesn’t work.
Which is why we go through so many Dora band-aids. If one of them’s got a boo-boo that needs attention, so does the other.
I agree with you guys in principle, concerning kids in general; just not with very young twins.
