A friend of mine since 7th grade, who now lives in Maryland, is scared shitless of flying and absolutely refuses to get on a plane. He has an opportunity this coming winter break to come here and visit me, which I suggested he do, but he would have to fly here. Of course, he won’t do it. I tried telling him that it’s safer to fly than drive and that there are thousands of car accidents every year and almost no flight accidents; he doesn’t care. (He rides a motorcycle but he’s afraid of flying!)
You know, it can be pretty fun to drive or ride [bus/train/whatever] to another state. If he has the time this winter break, maybe your friend can do that. Maryland to Indiana sounds like it could be an interesting route if you plan it right.
It may be a phobia. My grandfather has never flown on a plane, and I suspect he never will. Whenever he gets a hotel room, he always tries to get a room on the first floor. He’s even reluctant to drive over bridges. Needless to say, his fears are irrational and thus not subject to logical reasoning. You can’t reason someone out of something they were never reasoned into.
Reason can’t carry all before it. Phobias are like that.
I am scared spitless and shitless of any and all spiders. The fact that only one person of my acqaintance actually died of one–an elderly, ill woman from a freak encounter with a tarantula in supermarket bananas–doesn’t register among the dull percussion of bodies dropping from entirely mundane causes. Talk about a seriously stupid, humiliating disconnect between fear and FEAR. I smoke, drive–and vote–but even tiny arachnids spin me right back into dinosaur recoil. Stupidity sucks.
You can’t reason your friend out of his fear of flying, Paul. He knows the costs. Cut him slack while he wrestles his demons. This one’s just more outwardly inconvenient than most. Friends, even irrationally weird ones*, are worth it.
Veb
Terror of flying is more obvious than facing down spiders, clowns, peanut butter, etc. The high (snerk, snerk) visibilty doesn’t change the nature of the fear.
If your friend doesn’t want to fly and doesn’t bitch about the amount of time other modes of travel takes, live with it. Repeat after me: Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change…
Should your friend want to fly, but finds he’s scared to get on the plane, you can help him find a “fearful flyer” course or whatever it’s called in his area. Most major airports host one.
If he doesn’t want to fly, I’ve got to agree with everyone else. Let him be, pushing him isn’t going to work. He can drive, he can go Greyhound, and possibly he can take the train. See if any of those options will work for him.
As an aside, my mother used to be scared to get on a plane. Then I moved across the Atlantic. She finally just told herself she was going to have to get over it, and she did - she didn’t take a course or anything, she just chose to take a short domestic flight instead of driving to try it out. The flight went very well, and as soon as she got home she started researching the cost of flights to Oslo. Now, she’s less nervous about flying than I am. But it was her decision and her choice, not mine.
I’m frightened of flying, though I do it all the time. And I’ve been flying 3, 4 times a month for quite some time and it’s not getting any easier; I’m still scared of it.
I know it’s safe. I know that I have a much better chance of being killed driving to the airport than I do taking a hundred flights. Doesn’t matter. All I can think of when I fly is aircraft disasters I’ve seen on TV.
Your friend is not going to be able to fly without some professional help and there is no point in berating him or nagging him. Maybe one of the fearful flying courses will help. His fears may be greatly reduced if he can steel himself to take one flight, but he needs to want to do it enough to take steps to get over his fear.
Well, when my mother died, the only way my sister was going to get out here was via train, but the nearest train stop was about an 8 hour drive from where we needed to go. I told her that given how far it was, a middle of the night arrival, and the fact that I’d be driving in the middle of the night along mountain roads I don’t know all that well, it was probably safer to take a plane! Finally she got on one.
(I don’t recommend making people die to get someone on a plane though!)
