What can you do in memory of?

I’m trying to think of something I can do in memory of my father that died almost two years ago. 12/02/97. Anything involving much money is out. My current medical bills have me drained.

Any suggestions?

Writing this is depressing the Hell out of me, and my current medications removes most of my inhibitions. So anything I think comes out. I say anything that comes to mind.

I loved my father and did a lot with him. Everything I do for recreation we did together and reminds me of him. This isn’t a bad thing in general, but it’s hard to do anything that doesn’t remind me of him right now.

He is talked about briefly at family get togethers for five or so minutes, but none of us will spend too long on the topic. I was thinking along the lines of a family get together where we come with stories of what we did with him. Family displayed grief and feelings two years later?

I refuse to be a bell ringer or such, but want to do something, any sugestions. Arange something for friends of him?

We did cause a traffic jam at his funeral visitation night. A lot of people liked him. We met people in a constant line for four hours. It made me proud that he caused the traffic jam.

I’m sorry if this is too emotional, but I need this outlet right now.

I put together a photo album for my brother and then printed up all the black and white pics I had of him that the family had never seen. I also wrote a few poems, letters and stories. So did some other family members.

It was nice and didn’t cost a whole lot.

I’m sorry that you are hurting; I hope working on something will help you to feel better.


Ah, Phobia, I understand.

My dad wasn’t just a gentleman, but a true gentle man. Every single person that knew him liked him. They liked his tranquility, his wry wit, his perserverance, and so many other things.

Anyway, I was given a box of his ashes. I held onto it for a few years. Last summer, some friends of mine and I emptied it into the water at his favorite fishing hole. We said, “Bye, Bob,” and I made him a promise to catch the ones that he had missed.

That’s what I did to honor my dad. All I can say to you is to do something that your dad would appreciate. I know my dad would tell me, right now, to quit crying and put on some fresh bait.

Shit. I don’t care. It feels good.

Perhaps you can take advantage of everything spilling out and let all your feelings for your Dad spill out onto paper. You can edit out the parts you like best for your family later, but let every last sweet bit come tumbling out yeeha willy nilly. It shows here how you still miss him, and that ain’t nothing but beautiful! If you can encourage the others in your family to do a bit, a scrapbook is very precious.

My grandmother died 6 years ago, and I miss her every day. Writing down my memories of her has helped. It’s a concrete memorial that will show whoever reads it what a glorious person she was.

Hope this helps. If you love your Dad enough to be asking far & wide the best way to remember him, I’d say you both were blessed.

From a journel that I kept, I wrote this once in solitude at Devil’s Lake. Take it as a dedication.
As I stand upon this cliff

I wonder of what is so and if

As I spy this vast expanse

I watch our nature in her dance

Of wind swept trees branches bent and bare

Of birds that circle through the air

Of clouds that pass across the sky

Lakes that shimmer for my eyes

Yet why can this not be

Something each may see

For this hill upon this land

Is passed each day by many a man

Enjoy what you have when you have it, I did. I just wish it would have lasted longer.

Frankly Phobia, it’s not like I don’t appreciate the poem, but I think we need a little more material to work with if we’re going to avoid sounding like The Best of Hallmark Greeting Cards.


Hallmark makes a lot of money. I could live with that.

Light a candle, which is big in the Jewish faith. Keep it lit all day where you are, and all day you will be reminded of his bright light when he was alive.

I lost my mom a few months ago. Death sucks…

Yer pal,

Get a book on bulbs.

Pick a place, a sunny south slope, where you and your dad had good memories.

Spend the hours necessary, and the very small amount of money needed, and plant some bulbs, perhaps Crocus, or Iris. Do it as well as you can, and space them fairly far apart.

Every year, in the spring, they will return and bring your memories of you father back to you.
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I lost my dad 11 years ago (almost 12) and I still miss him terribly also.

Talking about him with family is a good thing - our family still does it now and then. Also, I was fortunate that I made a special memorial service program for him. I am an artist and calligrapher. I don’t know how I did it in my state of grief and shock, but I did an ink sketch of him, calligraphied the program, and wrote an essay about him. The program made an impact on a lot of people, and even was published in the local Post Office newsletter. (He was a postal worker for 40+ years.)

I got special satisfaction out of making that program - I deprived Forest Lawn out of $12.00 - their standard fee for the memorial service program! (My dad always said that the mortuaries ripped everyone off - I knew he’d like the idea that I saved some money!)

That was a comforting thing for me to do, and you could do something along those lines now, or hire someone to do it. (A calligraphied poem, accompanied by nice photo or drawing of him - make copies for all the family to frame. It might be good to present over the holidays!)

About a year after my dad’s death, I also remember finding some really nice pictures I’d taken of him when he was on vacation. They were of him on a train, riding amongst the Redwoods of N. CA. (He loved trains and redwoods, and he looked sooo happy in those photos!) I made a lot of copies and gave them to all the relatives.

Oops - I guess my suggestions might cost money - but you could print out something (a photo and nice poem) on your computer printer, couldn’t you? On nice heavy stock paper - make frameable copies for all the relatives?

How about planting a tree in his honor, whether in your yard or a living memorial garden or favorite outdoor place of his. You can make your own marker out of mortar if you like or those stepping stone kits from Michaels or any craft store for about $15. You can get a bag of mortar for a few bucks and practice with the look you want or just tie a ribbon around it’s trunk so you know that it is yours. You can go to a local nursery and pick up anything from seedlings for under $10 or a larger tree for about $50. I don’t know where you live, but here in MIchigan, it’s almost too late to transplant because of frost setting in. I know money is tight, but maybe a couple bucks a month until spring and then hit the nursery.You can also call your local county extension office to see if they know of/have any offerings of free seedlings.

I have wanted to do this for everyone that I know that has died. I have the property and space for it. My mom was visiting a cousin of hers that has done this very thing and the largest tree of the lot was in my father’s honor. She said that touched her more than anything else after all these years (24) because that tree will continue on long after she is gone.

I like the candle idea by Satan. Very poetic and symbolic. You could light it on the holidays, his birthday and the anniversary of his passing.

I think you just did.