Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
Taking the dirt nap
Tits Up!
“Good 'nuff for government work” any time I half-ass something.
It has to either be applied extremely judiciously or extremely rampantly, no middle ground, but I still like “That’s what she said,” because I am apparently 12.
“Let’s blow this taco stand.”
Most often used when leaving from places that are not a taco stand.
Bob’s your uncle.
It’s a conspiracy!
Said really fast: let me think about that for a minute no.
Kids hate it, for some reason.
That just raises further questions! (from Futurama) I swear to Og sometimes half of our conversation is composed of various Futurama quotes.
You had a _______, its name was Stampy. (From the Simpsons, when Bart says he wants an elephant and Lisa reminds him of a previous episode in which he had one.)
This has become so common in our household that now, when I lose something, I mope, “Its name was Stampy.”
From my husband, when he’s frustrated with me: ''I’m going to fire you out of a cannon." Alternate versions include, ''Prepare the cannon."
My new one is, “Beats having a 100 pound scrotum”.
I thought I was about to coin the catchphrase “Booth shot first!” but… well, damn you, Internet.
“It’s on like Donkey Kong.”
Nobody over 18 is going to get that.
You gotta be dry humpin’ me, man
Borrowed (and slightly paraphrased) from “The Black Widow” by Alice Cooper:
“These words she speaks are true.”
Typical usage:
Daughter: I hurt my foot!
Mom: I told you you shouldn’t go outside barefoot.
Me: These words she speaks are true.
Ones I like to use are:
“Six of one, half a dozen of the other.”
“Don’t get all wrapped around the axle.”
“What a goat rope.”
“Clear as mud?”
“You snooze, you lose.”
“Who said life was fair?”
This is a thing?
HAHA. This.
“Talk to the Hand”
“Read my lips”
“How about No! Is No good for you?”
“Sorry - is this the Five Minute Argument or the Full Half Hour?”.
“Go die!” Used when I’m feeling both annoyed and playful.
“Stay out of trouble – or don’t get caught” is my usual parting phrase.
“Is the hamster still on the wheel?” I use this when I’m dealing with someone exceptionally thick headed. For added effect, look in their ear while asking them.
“Quittin’ time”