I can’t ride a bike. Or rollerblade. Last I checked I could barely ice skate either.
I cannot make decent coffee.
I don’t get it - it seems pretty automated, I watch people do it, I do the same thing…nope, tastes like ass. And I’m not the only one, unfortunately, who notices. My own mother cornered my neighbor at my last party and asked her if she would mind terribly making a pot of coffee, 'cause otherwise I’d do it! :eek:
My caffeine source of choice is Lo-Carb Monsters for a reason.
Another non-swimmer here. For me, it amounts to a desperate attempt to stay alive in the water, with ever-diminishing returns. I stay away from boats at all costs.
Try as I might, I cannot make the bed so that it is perfectly neat and lump free.
I can’t do much of anything in the way of “fixing” things around the home. Give me a hammer and a nail and I’m likely to crucify myself.
I can’t spell for shit. As much as I try and teach myself, it is to no avail. There are times when I am writing that I will sometimes write sail when I mean sale. When I reread my letters, emails, etc, I don’t pick up on them. Spell check doesn’t pick up on the the grammar mistakes because the words are spelled right. It’s useless, really. I’m 30 and no matter how much I try to slow down and pay attention, it never changes.
I think it all started back in 3rd grade. I was attending a Catholic private school and I wasn’t picking up on phonics. After many teacher - parent conferences, the school told my parents that I was keeping the rest of the class back and they had to move on to other topics. They told them that they believed I would “pick up” on it as I continued my education.
My parents ended up transferring me to public school, but I never picked up phonics. I was labeled “learning disabled”.
It sucks… because it makes me look like a complete moron when I try to communicate with co-workers or customers with the credit union I work for. I always ask someone to proof read it before I send it out.
I can’t walk UP stairs without watching my feet and holding on to something, even if it’s the flat wall.
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Can’t tie a tie. I’ve tried to learn but to no avail. I’m going to be forced to master this skill eventually…
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No sense of direction. I’m ok in places I’ve been many times, but in new places or places I rarely visit, I can’t navigate for beans. My friends always know the right way to go by going the opposite way I’m going.
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I’m not a good driver. I can do the basics but I’ve never really had the need to drive often, so my skills are lacking.
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Forgot to mention that I also can’t read lips. I wonder how many people can actually do this?
I can’t shuffle cards. I’ve tried to learn, but every time I just end up dropping them all over the place.
I’m another one who can’t really wrap presents either. They invented gift bags for me.
I can whistle…
I’m telling you, a GPS will change your life forever. Best $100 I ever spent.
It doesn’t matter how badly you wrapped it if you doctor it up with ribbon. Buy a roll of the thin ribbon and make a standard cross (offset). At the intersection add 6 more pieces of ribbon and curl them with sissors so that they have different lengths of curls. You’ll look like Martha Stewart. Seriously.
I have no drawing abilities. My father and mother could draw and paint. My father even won amature painting awards. I couldn’t paint a Rorschach test if my life depended on it.
I can’t cook. Anything.
I can estimate volume in cooking terms, because I’m practiced at it, but I cannot estimate distance with even a vague, remote accuracy. I haven’t the foggiest clue what a quarter-mile looks like, or ten yards, or five miles. People always think it’ll help if they ask “well, is it a football field? Half a football field?” I’ve never been on a football field in my life. It’s probably been ten years since I’ve even seen a football field, and I was probably making out with someone behind the concession stand at the time, so… that’s not gonna do us much good.
Weirdly enough, I will nearly always resort to estimating distance in terms of time, if I can get away with it. “How far away is the grocery store?” “Oh, it’s about five minutes up the road, just past the gas station, on your left.”
NajaHusband is a PhD in molecular biology, but is almost laughably inept with his hands. I don’t know if it’s a natural inability, or just that he never learned to fine-tune his motor skills, but he can’t cut a consistent strip of paper or an even slice of cheese to save his life. He doesn’t chop tomatoes, he mangles them into chunks.
I also learned the other day, that he doesn’t know how to tie knots. I mean, the only knot he can tie is your basic overhand. If pressed to make something really secure, he’ll stack them into a bunch of granny knots. Somehow, I thought that everyone had at least a couple in their arsenal, one of those things you just… learn, like… fundamental skills. You’d have at least the basic theory of a hitching tie, if you’d ever tied a shoe, right? I demonstrated an overhand bend and a hitching tie and you’d have thought I was asking him to perform advanced alchemy.
I can’t tell a joke - no sense of comic timing. And I have no ability to read people, either.
You told it wrong. It starts with “I have no sense of timing …”
I can’t wrap gifts either. Bag it all, I say.
I can’t cut up meat, fruit, or vegetables without making a shreddy mess of them.
I have no discernible sense of direction. I get lost driving to places I’ve been hundreds of times. It’s a real disability; I just haven’t found anyone else with it yet.
I’ve never been able to read an old-fashioned thermometer. I mean the kind that you stick under your tongue and is filled with mercury. People keep telling me, “You just see where the line is,” and it’s completely, well, not invisible, but vague, I guess.
And I can’t feel a pulse with my fingertips. I think they are extra-fleshy or something.
Good thing I’m not an EMT.
Tell me a measurement in metric, you might as well be speaking a rare and obsolete language. I want my stuff in inches, ounces, miles and cups.
Add me to the group that can’t make smalltalk. I was extremely shy as a kid, I have overcome much of it except for talking to others, especially those of the opposite sex.