I can’t stand hearing other people eat. I can’t stand it. The gulping of drinks and the chewing…oh god the chewing. Even with my wife, who I love more than anything, I’m like “OH GOD COULD YOU CHEW QUIETER WHY ARE YOU GULPING SO LOUD?!”
This. Oh God this. I don’t understand how some people can’t chew with their mouths shut. Just takes smaller bites goddammit, you don’t have to fill your entire mouth so full you can’t shut it!
Wierd. When I worked in Holland some million years ago there were only two flavours of potato crisps (American potato chips): salted and paprika - definitely paprika and not bell peppers. Strange to an English person as even in those days we had a large range of crisp flavours.
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Also advertisements that count on people being stupid. Not all of them (or I’d be raging all the time) but sometimes a specific one will just flip my rage switch and then I can’t listen to it ever. When the ad isn’t playing I can see the amusement factor but then I hear it and it’s all RAGE FROTH ANGER again.
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Ads that repeat the name of the business or phone number more than two times at the end. [im looking at you, Porcello jewelers]. I understand why they do it, but I can’t handle it. I scream at the radio and then turn it off.
I have a family friend who I spend a fair amount of time with. He cannot drink anything without first swishing it around in his mouth. Coffee, soda, water, whatever.
Drink - swishswishswish - swallow.
Drink - swishswishswish - swallow.
And the swishes are loud. Like freight train* loud.
I may stop offering beverages.
*or so they seem.
mmm
Hahaha I know! Yeah, the spice is also called paprika, and they completely confuse themselves over this. Poor sods.
There are a few more flavours of crisps now, but they still don’t have the really important ones: salt & vinegar and prawn cocktail (who knows what that tastes of, but it’s goood). My mum brought me salt & vinegar crisps, thankfully, from the Land Of Far Superior Crisp Flavours aka the UK.
Add the stupid deficiency in the crisp-flavour department to the many reasons that this stupid country is stupid.
:mad:
ETA: OK, so completely normal things that get my goat? THE NETHERLANDS!! GAH! (I currently live there hence the “completely normal”, plainly, they are not completely normal.)
I have a friend who feels it necessary to poke me when she wants my attention.
When she does this, it takes everything in my power not to curse her out while punching her face like a crazed maniac.
It’s completely normal for some people to stir their drinks and clank their spoons around inside the cup, then bang them on the side of the cup as if tapping batter back into a bowl. This senseless, useless, noisy and eventually cup breaking activity isn’t done to annoy me <deep breath> but it does.
Taking your food out of the microwave before the time is up but not clearing the extra time. I don’t know why this annoys me so much, but it is mildly rage-inducing. Just hit the “clear” button! How hard is that?!? One of my former roommates had a strange habit of leaving a lot of time on the display. Like, four minutes or more.
Of course, I was stupid enough to mention this quirk of mine to someone at my former workplace. After that, whenever I went into the kitchen, there was always exactly one second left on the display. :mad:
People walking too slow. I live in the city and walk/take the subway everywhere, so this happens a lot. I have long legs, so I naturally walk a little faster (which is why I should have more compassion). And of course, if the person cannot pick up the pace for some physical reason (age/disability/etc), I’m fine with it. But I swear, if I miss another train in Downtown Crossing because I’m stuck behind a group of people talking to each other and moving like snails, I’ll pretend like I’m playing high school football again and truck them.
I skimmed this and first thought you said you have an ice cube tray that makes exactly one cube. I think that’d be hilarious to have, just for the WTF factor if anyone else sees it.
Also great for the “fuck you, I’m having a drink”-factor. 
Either you’re not speaking Dutch to them, in which case, stupid you and your ignorance of Dutch - or you’re being really pedantic, calling a ‘paprika’ a ‘peper’ when this is not accepted usage in Dutch, in which case, stupid you and your pedantic ways.
Oh dear god. THIS. A co-worker used to poke and push my shoulder while saying my name over and over to get my attention. The fact that he would do this while I was on a call actively speaking to someone drove me nuts. I had to keep asking to be moved away from him. Then we’d get another supervisor-of-the-month, we’d be moved, he’d ask to be put next to me…
The very last time, he hurt my arm and I rounded on him hard and fast, fist flying… and managed to stop it part way to his face. Immediately got off my call, walked over to my supervisor and said I needed to be moved at that exact moment, and why. Was moved, no further questions asked.
Those people are called SMOOPs - Slow Moving Obnoxiously Oblivious People. They are often found standing to the left of the moving walkway in airports, or stopping right at the top of the subway stairs. If this were a right and just world, you would have to take a “how to walk amongst others and be aware of your surroundings” test before being allowed in cities or airports. People who pass get a taser, to use on people who fail.
love
yams!!
My Dutch is fine, thanks. 
A “paprika” is a pepper. It is one of many peppers. They want to mis-name it, ok, but it doesn’t stop being a pepper. Usage doesn’t matter. It’s a pepper of the capsicum genus. If you’re referring to “all the peppers” then “een paprika” is one of them. Otherwise a jalapeño is just a jalapeño, and also not a pepper, and nothing else is a pepper either. Either no peppers, or bell peppers are also peppers! Thems the rules, and it’s true cuz I made 'em myself.
It’s like a whole country pretending portobellos aren’t mushrooms, or cherry tomatoes aren’t tomatoes. Stupid country.
Are you my husband? This flips him completely out.
The answer to why I do this is that I’m doing twelve things simultaneously in the kitchen at once when preparing dinner, and clearing out the extra time is way, way down on my list of priorities. Whereas, when he enters the kitchen, there’s just about one thing that he does: check the microwave display.
People who put stuff in a locker at the gym, and then don’t put a lock on it.
ARRGHHHH!
In my terminology, CUMs.
Clueless Unobservant Morons.
In the evil universe where I get unlimited super powers and become History’s Greatest Monster*, people are made to take the same test. If they fail, it’s the giant meat grinder for them.
- Hey, I said Evil Universe. The one where I have a goatee instead of the full beard. You have a goatee too. Even if you’re a woman.
When Captain Important stands three inches from the coveyor belt at Baggage Claim, forcing everyone else to excuse their way around him to get their bags. You’re not going to miss it - the belt goes 2 miles per hour, you can probably chase it down, Pre. And on the outside chance you can’t, I have some news that will BLOW YOUR MIND - it will come back around!