What counts as a "cousin" to you?

In My Humble Opinion
21

My little branch of the family moved 2,000 miles away from most of the rest of it when I was less than a year old. I have a first cousin 5 years older than me, a first cousin 20-something years younger than me (half-sister to the other cousin, if I remember correctly, but I’m not even sure o the kid’s sex), and a first cousin once removed (also basically an infant and I think also a girl, but again I’m not sure.) I’m sure I’ve got plenty of other second cousins, third cousins, and so on, but I quite frankly don’t care. Heck, I haven’t even seen either of the recently-born cousins I have and I don’t think I’ve seen my older first cousin in more than a decade. I’m sure I’ve met some second and third cousins of various levels of removal at “family reunions” where the only link between me and them were my paternal grandmother. So, needless to say, I generally think of myself as having basically no extended family.

Heck, for that matter, I think I’m distantly related to people I just think of as friends of my parents. I’m probably third or fourth cousin to them, but again it’s never come up.

22

My parents had me very late…my mom was almost 46 when I was born. As a result I am younger than any cousin on either side. And there is a bunch of them, as my mom had 6 siblings, and my dad 3. I have several second cousins (my cousins’ kids) that are more than 5 years older than me.

Basically, I consider all my second cousins just cusins, and most of my real cousins are more like “normal” people consider aunts and uncles.

And, I must mention this anicdote.

While on a road trip, I started chatting up a very cute lady. Sparks were flying…then she happened to mention her last name, which was kevboslastname. Turns out she was the widow of one of my dad’s cousins. (who was the son of my dad’s uncle that was nearly my dad’s age…my paternal family is really wierd that way) In this circumstance, that’s a cousin.

23

Coming from Utah, the land of polygamous ancestry, if your family has been in the Mormon church for several generations can be hard to guaranty that you’re not distantly related to someone.

A girlfriend in college was a 4th cousin. We were related through a shared great-great grandfather who had 21 children with two wives, 90 grandchildren, 700 to 900 great grandchildren and who knows how many of my generation.

I’d bet the ranch on that my wife and I are not closer than 10th cousins.

24

I didn’t grow up geographically close to my cousins. I barely know them. But in my family, for casual conversation (or really, anything other than a genealogist’s record) first cousins, second cousins, fourth cousins three times removed, they’re all simply “cousins.” (in certain cases, that even includes my cousins’ cousins who aren’t technically related to me at all). Whoever they are.

And no. ick.

25

Well, he’s happily married with two kids now and this was awhile ago so… go right ahead. :wink:

Well, he’s the one who told it to me. More like an interesting tidbit of information. Honestly, if we did start hanging out and sparks flew the relationship wouldn’t really bother me. We haven’t seen each other in quite awhile anyway. I think the dynamics between our families would bother me more (his mom dated my dad in high school, they met because she was friends with my aunt and Dad never really got over her though he joined the navy, left her and met my mom and her husband is a bit jealous… so there’s kinda issues there…)

26

Up to third cousins, since Bob Taft is technically my fourth cousin and I don’t like being related to him, however distant.

27

I have 42 first cousins. I guess I know people out to 3rd cousins, pretty easily. My mother’s cousin’s kids and their kids. My first cousins’ kids and grandkids. I’m clsoer to my mother’s family than my father’s.

StG

28

I would count my first cousins and their kids as cousins in relation to me. I have had five first cousins, and one died as a teen. The four remaining have had a total of four kids, three of whom I’ve met. Our family is small and not so close! My father’s cousins have kids (they’ll be the ones carrying on the surname) but I don’t know them at all and would think of them as “my father’s cousins’ kids”.

29

I don’t have much contact with family beyond the first cousin level, so I consider them family but in a more abstract fashion than my first cousins.

At a church we went to for a while I met a girl who was something like a 4th or 5th cousin. I don’t recall the exact relationship but we shared a common great or great-great grandmother. I never really thought of her as family, it was more of a ‘that’s kind of cool’ situation.

30

I’m not all that close with family, so “Cousin” pretty much gets reserved for first cousins, so that people I’m talking to get the idea that whoever I’m talking to is related to me, and I’m not just passing on gossip about a stranger. :stuck_out_tongue: Making out with cousins is not an issue, since I’m straight and my only male cousin isn’t.

I have a large number of seconds cousins somewhere in the Midwest, but I have no idea what any of their names are. I’ve met them all of once, when they came out to visit my grandmother, their great aunt. Their mothers are still great friends with my mother and my aunts, so we all had a sort of family reunion thing. They were all dressed nicely in khakis and polo shirts; my sister, in hot pants and about three earrings per ear, and me, in a backless sundress and heeled sandals, felt like Herdmans crashing a church group. Haven’t seen 'em since.

31

It depends on which side of the family I’m talking about. My mom’s from a fairly large family (3 sisters, 1 brother), so I’ve got 11 first cousins on that side of the family. There’s a large age range in there - my oldest cousin is the same age as me, my youngest cousin is 3, I think, which makes me some 25 years older than she is - so there’s actually a bit of a mental division for me between the cousins who are close to my age and who I know, and the ones who are just little kids. Mom isn’t in particularly close contact with her cousins and I don’t really know them all that well, which means that when I meet them or their children, I’m aware that they’re family of some sort, but I’m often not sure exactly how they’re related.

On my dad’s side of the family, he’s an only child, so I don’t have any first cousins. He has, however, stayed in touch with a number of his cousins despite them living in Scotland, and I think of their children as my cousins with no qualifiers about them actually being second cousins.

32

Ahhhh yes. This is a cause for debate between Oni no Husband and I as well.

I’m Standard Issue American White Girl; he’s American-Born Filipino. We have way different ideas of what a cousin, aunt/uncle, etc. is.

To him, a person a generation older than you is always Aunt/Uncle, regardless of how you’re actually connected, and is never addressed without that honorific. This includes long-term friends-of-the-family that are your parents’ generation or older.

Cousins are your generation, only; furthermore, if a cousin is older than you are, they also are addressed with an honorific (Manong/Manang). Again, this includes family friends, spouses, family of spouses, etc. Cousins who are younger than you are just addressed by their first name.

Those in a younger generation than you (regardless of connection) are considered niece/nephew, and are expected to call you Aunt/Uncle. You just call them by their first name.

He was really shocked that I call my mom’s siblings by their first name, no honorific. (“Gayle, can you pass me the peas?” vs. “Aunt Gayle, could you pass me the peas?” or “Aunt, can you pass me the peas?”). My mom’s oldest brother married late, and has an eight-year-old son who I call my cousin, but he calls my nephew; etc.

He has a “nephew” who is the son of the brother of his (first) cousin’s wife. Not my idea of actual family (I’d put it in distant-relation or sorta-relation category) but whatever.

We’ve had lots of fun conversations about it. Basically there’s no such thing as first/second cousins, removed or not, none of that worry. It’s all age and generation.

33

I had the same situation. Different reasons perhaps (fewer siblings but some untimely deaths in Mom’s family when she was a child, causing it to draw closer), but The Splendid Beauty and All-Encompassing Importance of Family (great phrase, BTW!) meant that at least part of every holiday worth a dinner was spent with Mom’s first cousins–and their kids. Their kids were about the same ages as my sister and I, so we thought of them as our cousins. Even though technically the kids were second cousins, we knew them as “Cousin Susie,” “Cousin Mary,” and so on.

Of course, on those frequent holiday visits, my sister and I were expected to play nicely with our “cousins.” The fact that they were second cousins was rarely mentioned; they were the kids of Mom’s cousins and therefore family. I might have thought differently if we hadn’t had to associate with them so much, so I’ll concede that there may be something to the “nothing beyond first cousin” notion.

34

For practical purposes, I refer to those relatives further removed than first cousins as “kinsmen” or “kinfolk”.

That way I can claim as relations about 3/4 of the folks in my area.

And possibly Ferret Herder too!

35

I’m bad at counting out the cousin levels, but my definition includes people who share great-grandparents with me. Nearly all of those families stayed in the same neighborhood, so I grew up with them and it is easy to think of them as relations. We also do this thing where my blood cousins’ other cousins, from the other side of their family, are also casually called cousins especially if they are in a group, like if I’m going out with my cousins Roberta and May, and their cousin Caroline, I just say I am going out with my cousins.

I remember it came in handy when we were teens/college-aged, because it was a good way to establish family connections in social situations – like if I was calling a distant male cousin, and his girlfriend answered the phone, I would be very quick to say “this is his cousin, Delphica” so that it didn’t turn into a “who was that strange girl who called you?” situation. Which I realize is pretty lame in hindsight, but was useful at the time. Speaking of lame, one of the boys-who-teased-girls at my grade school was a third-or-something cousin, and I was thankful that I was identified as exempt from the teasing because he got the word out to all of his friends that I was his cousin (and thus, he’d be in trouble at home if I was teased).

36

I too consider only those with shared grandparents to be true “cousins.” However, my dad’s family is big and geographically close enough to know the extended branches. Given that it’s so cumbersome to say “2nd cousin” or “once-removed,” my family will also use “cousin” as a convenient shorthand for those relationships.

delphica’s post reminds me… my son has only two cousins, both older than him, both from my sister. He has none on my husband’s side, and generally speaking no prospects of having any. However, one of my brothers-in-law is finally getting married. His bride has three nephews who are close to his age, and she’s very involved in their lives. We’ve met them and the boys all enjoy each other’s company. So now the bride has begun to talk about all these boys (the nephews she already has, and my son, the nephew she’ll “acquire” in the wedding) as “soon-to-be cousins.” At first it totally bugged me. They’re not any sort of cousins at all! But given that my son is so short on cousin relationships, I’ve decided to roll with it and have begun to use the same nomenklature. We’ll straighten it all out when he’s older. Or maybe he can start an SDMB thread over it.

37

I expect you to get that kid a membership for his 14th birthday.