I, too, shoved my wedding ring up my nose.
I started running.
I expatriated to the US and got married.
I’ve taken up singing in the shower - loudly and poorly, I might add - thanks to this place.
Something about Jewish holidays and kitchen utensils… 
:Intrigued:
I’m half Scotch-Irish so I believe some research is in order…
ETA: It is probably fortunate that I have no wedding ring.
Try pan fried semen with Bacon Salt
I’m kidding, honestly
The SDMB made me subscribe to the SDMB.
Well, there’s Firefly, but mainly the SDMB has made me think and learn.
I’d been investigating weight loss surgery for a couple of years when I ran into OpalCat at a DopeFest, and got talking to her. She told me about the surgery she had had, and it was vastly different from what I was investigating. I ended up with the same kind of surgery she had, and am grateful for it on a daily basis.
I also found flylady.net because of a Dope thread, and it’s helped me tremendously with my slovenly ways.
I’ve also laughed (and cried) a good deal more than I would have without the Dope.
And of course I’ve found compassion and friendship through some fairly bleak times.
It’s been well worth the money and time I’ve spent on it.
Get married (I found my sweetie here)!
Buy bacon salt (I wasn’t a huge fan, but oh, well).
Waste lots of time.
Slow-poach salmon in low-temperature olive oil.
Keep dating this one girl.
Plant explosive devices in several major world monuments and extort billions from the terrified populace. Billions!
Switch to Firefox.
I was fairly ambivalent about asking my wife out for our first date until a few of you guys told me to get the hell over myself.
Buy loads of books.
Laugh uncontrollably.
Become addicted to icanhascheezburger and cakewrecks websites.
Buy Allen Carr’s ‘Easy Way to Quit Smoking’.
Quit smoking [eventually; took about three reads but it stuck, and it was indeed the book that worked its magic].
Easily the most satisfactory, victorious accomplishment in my life.
I also bought a Diva Cup, well actually a Keeper, but I have since switched. Best purchase I ever made, let me tells you!
What did the SDMB make me do? Well, on this particular day, it made me…
Look up Umami and use it as my “word of the day” at work. People were impressed!
Oh. And various webcomics damn you all.
As if I didn’t have enough ways to waste my time.
And your success, that we learned about here, inspired me to enter. And I got a runner-up position. I was world-famous for about a day.
Start wrapping the shoelace twice around the looped lace instead of just once. Now my shoes stay tied all day! Yay! Um, yes, I am a middle-aged man with extensive postgraduate education, why do you ask?
Get obsessed with playing Mafia.
Have you told this story here? If so, can you link it? If not…details please. 
(I have my wedding ring up one nostril and engagement ring up the other right now. It’s a lot easier now that I don’t have big fat fingers.)
Me, too!
Well, the shoelaces part, not the other part.