It wasn’t until recently that I realized my parents never taught me to give to charity. They do, on occasion, give money to the Red Cross (for instance, when Hurricane Katrina hit, they wrote a check for a hefty sum). But they never extolled to me the virtues of giving to charities, or donating my time, or giving money during a pledge drive (say, for NPR). I suppose they never thought it was very important.
It wasn’t until I was in my 20s and making a little extra money that I started to really give back.
Is there anything you wish your parents had taught you, that they didn’t deem worthy?
How to regulate my emotions. I think I was about 12 before I figured out that the normal response to anger isn’t property destruction and incoherent rage.
I could list a thousand things they didn’t teach me, but the most glaring omission was how a couple interact with each other. I never saw my father hold my mother’s hand, put his arm around her, dance with her, or even pay her a compliment. My mother was very nurturing, but it only came from her, not from them as a couple.
And they never taught me how to invest. My father’s idea of an investment was to put a few dollars in the bank every week. I was already in my 40s before I knew what a mutual fund was.
And my father actually never “taught” me to do anything. He’d just demand that I did something correctly on the first try, then get mad if I didn’t.
Whenever my dad tried to “teach” me something, it was usually the first time he had tried it as well. So every wrong path he went down, he took me with him. No one learned anything!
Socializing skills - my parents really only socialized with family. We didn’t go out and do things with other people. They were fairly passive and un-engaged socially. I inherited this pattern, which I do not like.
Car maintenance and DIY.
My Dad’s pretty good at both, but never got round to teaching me much. Generally though, considering how busy they were, they were pretty keen on the whole teaching thing.
Oh, and to cook- but I reckon I’m better’n them at it anyway… was never an interest for either.
My parents did a damned good job, but somehow they never taught me to cook - Dad doesn’t cook and I guess I wasn’t interested when Mom was doing it. When we were at family’s houses and I could have learned things like handmade biscuits I was always in the living room with the men and not in the kitchen with the women.
It’s just as well, though - I taught myself from books and am a WAY better cook than my mom.
How to resolve conflict. How to argue. How to compromise.
My parents were of the school that never disagreed in front of anyone else, including their kids. All of us have had to learn these skills on our own, leading to starter marriages and/or several relationships that died on the vine for each of us before getting this stuff figured out.
My Dad tried to encourage my creativity in every way possible. So he carved a wooden shoe for me to practice on, with laces. He showed me what a bow looked like and said “Make something that looks like that.” I came up with my own method that is unlike any method I’ve seen, and that is what I’ve used ever since.
Cooking: basic techniques, proper storage/food safety, use of various tools/utensils, trying new things, getting a variety of fruits and vegetables, or a variety of anything really, planning for a week and sticking to it, etc. My roommate prepares each of her meals every day, with all sorts of fancy foods, fancy tools and fancy prep, and she learned with her whole family. Would’ve loved it!
I too can think of lots of things, but I guess I’d go with the importance of a higher education.
Very few people in my family graduated from high school, much less college. Of course, we were poor as church mice, so getting a job and bringing in an income took precedence.
How to cook, how to eat healthy food, how to keep the place clean instead of letting things go to hell then clean, how to have respect for myself, and how to be ambitious.
But to be fair only my mom was around and she worked a lot. She taught me a lot of other things, like “marry a rich man” and …well shit.
I didn’t know parents existed who didn’t hit and scream at each other behind closed doors, until I started visiting friends’ houses in elementary school.
Mine weren’t hitting each other to my knowledge, but they screamed behind closed doors, in front of closed doors, behind open doors, in front of open doors, and anywhere and everywhere, and not just at each other, we kids got a lot of it too, except we couldn’t scream back.