When people couple up, they bring friends and family with them, but friends and family should be what is known as “friends of the relationship” - people who support and nurture your relationship. Why your boyfriend tolerates his friend tearing down his relationships, I don’t know - I think he needs to put some boundaries on his friendship with this girl, with the understanding that if she keeps on negatively affecting his relationships, he will end the friendship. You’ve got a triangle dynamic going on here, with her as the third point, and that has to stop if you want a future with this guy.
Then keep saying to yourself, “this isn’t my battle.” Because it isn’t. It’s between him and her.
She’s been rude to you. That’s enough reason to keep your distance from her. And if she keeps playing games with your boyfriend, eventually he’s going to have to grow a pair and decide it’s either you or her.
Focus on your relationship with him and let everything else play out on its own.
That’s an excellent point. If you dig this guy so much, maybe it would be wise to show through your actions that he should continue to choose you, and hope that it dawns on him that it’s you or her. IMO, you two can’t coexist in his world. If this intrudes too much into your relationship, you might even have to set a firm ultimatum: “her or me”.
That’s all just my two cents, though; I’m no expert at the whole love-triangle thing, especially the exclusively heterosexual kind.
Hostile Dialect,
Hostile Dialect, Narcissist
Thanks for all the advice!
I’m not sure what to think, but he has taken a firm stance on things… He told her that he wouldn’t want her around if she was going going to keep being rude to me, or to him about me, or our relationship… I guess… They talked for a really long time last night, and that’s all I got from it…
I still feel like the situation is messed up, I know she won’t stop, but she gets the benefit of the doubt, and I will just continue to be the person I am… the one that got him interested and wanting to be with me : )
Update: It’s valentines day, obviously.
I got him a few things to celebrate : ) we are at his uncles house near a mountain that they ski at… she is here too… and another friend…
it has been pretty good… not the ideal valentines day, but its nice to be here and im hoping this is a turning point in how things go!
Update: so… it could have been worse…
but… there were definitely some little digs taken at me… and the intense amount that she mentioned how long she has been coming here, and calling his mom “mom” and whatnot… and the looks she gave me after… i could have done without…
as per usual… i kept my mouth shut… not sure where to go from here… her behavior is nothing but rewarded.
What you have described is just not acceptable, and your boyfriend should not be letting her get away with it. An insurance agent was rude to me on the phone once, and my husband’s response was, “Well, he’s not my insurance agent any longer.” That’s the level of care you should be getting from your boyfriend.
Also, long, intense, emotional conversations between your boyfriend and his friend are also not fair ball - the long, intense, emotional connections should be between YOU and HIM, not between HIM and HER. The conversation he needs to have with her should be no longer than, “You are going to start treating my girlfriend and my choices with respect, or you will be out of my life.” and that’s it.
I think at this point it’s time to have a talk with your boyfriend and make it clear that this isn’t coming from a jealous or insecure place; it’s coming from a good, secure place - you want to have a healthy, happy relationship with him, and his friend’s interference is not acceptable.