I work as an electorate officer for a Member of Parliament. I worked for the previous member for 12 years and think I have seen it all. However, working for a new Member of Parliament apparently brings out all sorts of people I co-exist with but had no idea about. My job is okay, I help people with health and housing issues, and my big coup last year was getting a motorised wheelchair for a little girl. Happy happy. However, this last week has picked me up and hurled me into the twilight zone.
Where I live it gets hot. Blisteringly hot. Last Monday was very hot (44 degrees which is I think about 110 to those not in Oz). A fellow came in at about 11.00am when the outside temperature was a balmy 37 degrees. He came in and told me he hopes I am happy, and to tell the local Member that this type of heat is insane, people should NOT be expected to live in it and so he’s moving to a better climate and what am I going to do about it?
A day or so later a Turkish couple came in with a book they wanted to photocopy some turkish recipes from for them. I digress to tell you that I love books. I adore books and I treat them very well. These people brought in a brand new library book and had marked the pages they wanted BY FOLDING THEM IN HALF! I thought to myself, you deserve to have your fingers removed. And your eyes gouged out.
So I photocopied the recipes, seething quietly, and then with flourish, they produce an english version of a turkish delight recipe and asked me to translate it to turkish so they can make the turkish delight to take to family in Turkey. I am not Turkish. I do not speak Turkish. They would not believe that I was unable to translate it. I said “you don’t think they have any Turkish Delight over there?”
All of a sudden I was struck by a stupid vision in my head of a shortage of Turkish Delight in Turkey because a civil war has broken out and there’s the government and the rebels fighting for control of the Turkish Delight fields.
Maybe the heat’s bringing the strange enquiries out from wherever they hang out usually. I shuddered at the description of the brand new library book’s pages … uck. Maybe it’ll be cooler soon, and sanity will return?
My old GP (now sadly deceased) used to say that “when external temperatures exceed a human body’s normal temperature, we all get the flu, but some special cases get totally brainfried.”
QtM could tell us what to do about a flu, but I’m afraid stupidity is incurable.
You know, I actually thought I could help with the recipe thing - by using Babelfish. However I could translate it into a dozen Chinese dialects, sadly there’s no Turkish option.
With the weather - I briefed my boss later that day “ring this person, sign this, fill this out, and oh - I’ve scheduled an appointment with God for 4.00pm”. The boss looks up - “who?” I responded “In the beginning and all that … there’s a book about him … apparently your constituents don’t like the weather” He told to me to take two Panadol and have a lie down in the boardroom.
And you wonder why there’s a heap of loons at your door?
What we want is for you to sign up as a member here. Especially since you are privy to all sorts of juicy stuff as an Electorate Officer!! We will suck you dry for info and gossip and we promise not to divulge your identity. Ever.
oh stop my sides are DONE! Adelaide! Ha! I scoff at you! The truth is, I’m not far from Adelaide but a proud Victorian! Speaking of loons (in SA that is …) I told a girlfriend some years ago that I was off to Adelaide to visit a photographic exhibition and she said “strange place that. All the weirdo murders happen there.” I laughed until I got to the border and heard on the radio about a little place called Snowtown … and what they keep in barrels …
Snowtown must be one of the most misapportioned names for a town EVER. Stuck in the depths of outback SA, in the dust and the heat, naming it Snowtown was some sort of sick, psychopathic joke…much like the locals there really!!
So, not far from Adelaide, but stuck in Vic? I’m guessing by your job description and the weather forecasting you’re** not** in Nelson, Bordertown or Keith.
Heh, heh. I like this. There’s stuff here for a short-run satirical telly series. Thanks for the chuckle, DellieM. Hope we see more of you around here.
Your tale reminded me of some of the storied my Mom used to tell from when she was an office manager for a Congressman. Some people think Congress really has power…
I dunno about the barrels, what about the bank collapse? My theory is that they’d have had nowhere to put the barrels if the bank hadn’t collapsed. If they hadn’t had somewhere like that to put the barrels, they’d have caught them long beforehand.
Teela Brown it’s rather gruesome, but I’ll wait if you want Dellie to tell you.
Sounds like you didn’t used to work for Mr. Bourke then, good on ya.
I don’t like the heat either, which is why I don’t live where its 44 degrees. Sinny is hot enough thanks, and it ain’t very.
Seems to me that’s not so far fetched. Just yesterday somebody posted about someone who had a severe fever that permanently damaged one of his optic nerves.
First of all - thanks for the welcoming comments! Have been a voyeur for some time now on the boards and some of the stuff you clever people come up with has had me in fits. I think I should join … everyone needs a hobby!
One of the funniest threads ever was misheard lyrics. This happened to me last week. I was driving my son somewhere and the song “Last Kiss” by Pear Jam came on the radio. My son looked at me and asked “Why would he lick her head?” I said, no, he lifted her head. “Why would someone lick someone else’s head?” He shrugged “Dunno, some sort of first aid maybe?” Needless to say, I nearly ran off the road, which may have resulted in my head being licked by well meaning Ambos …
