By my grandmother (and a few of her friends)
God loved me
But would throw me into the fire
Unless I would submit to baptism and
That I would never again be tempted to sin
After being washed in the blood of the Lamb.
Lies, lies, and damned lies.
Illuminatiprimus, thanks for the sentiment, but the guy was already so messed up that it wasn’t worth any effort on my part. After we broke up, I found out that he was dating a 15-year old boy. I called the police and gave them some details, but I dunno if anything ever came of it!
The worst part of the whole thing was having to tell my parents, and then waiting for the test results. Even thinking about it now makes me feel sick, realising how close I came to messing up my whole life. Fucking asshole!
When I was a kid, we lived out in the country and we carpooled to private school with a girl my age and her older brother. The brother (I’ll call him Jason, 'cause that’s his name) tormented me mercilessly. His piece de resistance was telling me that my invisible friend, who I’ll call Susan (cause that was her name) was dead. And I totally believed him. It was devastating.
I was a gullible kid. He also convinced me that the ‘Eject’ button on the tape deck in the car went to my seat, and that my mother had lied when she said the balloon I accidentally let go of went to balloon heaven. He told me it just died and went nowhere. Boys are mean. (He’s, like, a successful young farmer now, I think. Well, not that young - jeez, he’s probably almost 35.)
Not terribly dramatic, but a ex-girlfriend was cheating on me. Little clues here and there, and she kept explaining them away and looking at me like I was crazy for suggesting anything other than purity and decency on her part.
Then one Wednesday, we’re supposed to go out to dinner… but, no, she cancels at the last second. Not feeling well. Going to stay in and rest. Maybe tomorrow?
OK, says I. And when I pick her up, I say, “Hey, let’s go to that new resturant that just opened, the one we’ve been talking about going to.”
And we walk in the door, and the hostess looks at my GF and says, “Wow, you must have really had a good time last night here! Back again, eh?”
Not to presume but your GF wasn’t all that bright, was she?
Speaking of ‘not very bright’: I was a picky eater as a child, but I loved beef and beef gravy. My mother would tell me something was beef and I’d eat it. We had many meals of pork ‘beef’ or chicken with ‘beef’ gravy on the potatoes. I didn’t realize that I was being had until I was in about the 7th grade. My mother served fried oysters and told me it was ‘beef’.
Now, a kid might mistake pork for beef, but even a dimwit will know that something that looks and feels like phlegm didn’t come from a cow. The realization that my mother had been lying to me all those years hit me like a sledgehammer to the forehead. And then the realization that everyone in the family was in on the joke came home to roost. My brother and sister still love to bring it up at family gatherings.
A couple of friends and I were in a bowling tournament. At the end of it we decided not to continue playing in that tournament.
A couple of days later another acquaintance congratulated me on winning a prize. I was genuinely surprised (I didn’t even think we were in the running). So I asked my “friend” about it and he, convincingly, told me it had been an administrative mistake by the bowling center and that he had returned the check.
I met the second guy again and told him it had been a mistake, but, he insisted he was certain we had won. This time I went to the bowling center’s administrator and asked him about it. Lo and behold! they were certain we had won a legitimate prize and the check hadn’t been returned.
I called up the rest of the team’s members and we went to this “friend” and asked him politely to divvy up the prize. I even allowed him to “save face” so he could go to the bowling center and “ask” if they had the check.
Last thing I ever had to do with that dude.
I think the worst lies I have ever heard were ones I was telling, and most of those (except for a few humdingers I’m not too proud of) weren’t too bad.
Maybe I’m just having a hard time remembering them, but I honestly think people lie to me less than they do to other people.
Ugh…that makes my stomach hurt. Does stuff like this actually happen to people commonly?
She was actually pretty sharp; a grad student who is now doing some pretty sophisticated database and .NET programming for Johns Hopkins.
I think she just rolled the dice – how often would you run into that situation, after all?
Where I lost respect for her intelligence was how long she denied it. I broke up with her pretty much instantly, and she called me on and off over the next three months, continuing to deny it. (As an aside, she was pretty much a hottie, and I suspect she had learned long before I came along that if she just put on an earnest look, she’d be believed in the face of pretty strong evidence to the contrary).
Finally the calls trickled down to nothing and I didn’t talk to her for about three years. Then I happened to run into her and we had the obligatory, “Oh, how’s life going these days?” conversation, and she finally admitted that she had just broken up with Guy X, who had been her Mystery Date that night. (She STILL denied any other dalliance, apparently under the theory that if I couldn’t prove it, it never happened). She also told me then she had gone back to the restaurant the next night and screamed at the hostess for causing her boyfriend, me, to break up with her.
:rolleyes:
Well, for me it was one time in 30 years of life and fifteen years of dating, so… no. 
Like I said, not that bright if she couldn’t work out something as basic as to who was to blame for you two breaking up. More proof it if was ever needed that academic credentials are no correlation to basic nouse.
From my father’s widow (who was his 3rd wife): I’m his 2nd wife and he had no children.
Yep, after never being around, this so-called Christian man denied his marriage to my Mom and my existence. I thought maybe he would acknowledge me in the will… nope. I couldn’t even contest the will, 'cause I was 30 at the time.
Fucking bastard.
When I was in jr. high there was a girl who claimed to be pregnant, had people going for a week or so…then, well, just kidding! Haha.
I think that’s one of those things you just chalk up to some people being desperate for attention and inappropriate in seeking it.
It may even have been wishful thinking as a lot of girls on my mother’s caseload seriously thought that the baby they were going to have was going to be a perfect little doll that would love them and people would love them and everything would be wonderful and perfect in the land of Twinkle. Everybody knows that babies fix everything.
Blech.
I too had a “friend” who was a liar, and it took me way too long to realise it and sever ties. Worst lie, close to the end was when I let him use my truck while I visited family. He was supposed to meet me at the train station with it and I’d drop him off home.
He didn’t meet me at the station.
I walked from the train station to his apartment. My truck was not in the lot. I went into his apartment and found him asleep:
“Chris, where’s my truck? Why didn’t you meet me at the station?”
“I don’t know, it’s in the lot.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Well it was last night!”
“Oh my gosh, it’s been stolen, I’ll call the cops!”
I called the cops.
They told me my truck had actually been towed THREE DAYS BEFORE for being parked illegally. It cost me a lot of pride but I had to call my Dad who called the tow people with his Amex # to get it out–I was trying so hard to make it going to school full-time and working full-time, and after taking a week to travel to see my family and not working, no way did I have $600 to get my truck back. I was so lucky he could do that for me and did so.
Then when I got it back I found the inside coated with cigarette ash and all my CDs out of their cases on the floor and seat, and almost no gas.
And whatever the tow guys had done to the alarm system crippled the truck and caused a permanent fault…after $600 worth of work and investigating it, I had to have it just disabled. Which sucked, because I’d just thrown all of my meager savings into it three months before when the truck had been broken into and thieves had stolen everything small and portable.
My friend had promised that he’d pay me back for the towing charges and of course he didn’t, but it paled in comparison to him letting me think it had been stolen, letting me call the cops only to find out that it had been towed three days before from right in front of his place. What an asshole. What an asshole I was for still being friends with him after that. But it was pretty much the end.
And of course, it doesn’t compare to the other stories in this thread, but it does boggle my mind that there are people out there who just lie and steal with no compunction, no conscience.
I remember being at a mall with him shopping for halloween costume stuff and him saying, “Why did you buy that, you totally could have just put it in your pocket and walked out!?” Like I was the biggest moron in the world for not doing so.
I was shocked. This from a kid who bitched all the time about the allowance his parents gave him while they paid all his rent, tuition and book fees to a UC while I busted my ass trying to pay for State and eat at the same time. Just some sort of a sociopath I guess, and I was stupid for being so attached to him.
I was somewhere between 7 and 10 when this happened. I didn’t believe him, but my cousin told me that he’d found a miniaturized plane, about the size a toy one might be, in his back yard. Which had live people in it. Which he’d taken out and played with.
What frustrated me was my inability to convince him that I did not believe him. At that age, I had a pretty clear sense of what can and cannot happen, and I knew darn well that planes being miniaturized was in the latter category. But skepticism was all I had to counter. I didn’t think of any relevant questions like “How did you get the doors open?” or “How did you pull people out?” or “What did you do with it afterwards?” I just kept saying I didn’t believe him, and finally he got fed up and walked off.
A guy at work use to give us wonderful stories about his wife and children, and horrible tales about his ex-wive. We believed him until we noticed that whenever we had an office event, his “wife” would be out of town.
When he died suddenly, we found out he had never even been married. And we found a stash of kiddie porn in his office.
Respectable family man my butt
Other than Bush with; Iraq was involved, weapons of mass distruction, I don’t know who told about the CIA lady, etc, etc., it would have to be a friend who was one of the great liers of all time. He once convinced a girl he was a time traveler from 1937. He got her to take him in and shack up with him for about a week using that one. It was amazing.
My ex-wife, when she promised to “forsake all others”.
I’m gonna add to the chorus of jilted lovers here. She told me she loved me, and she told me she couldn’t imagine being with anyone else, three scant weeks before she left me for someone else. But, as a dear friend of mine told me, hearts don’t break — they only bend and warp.
I assume the just ending to this story was “. . . and that’s why I shot him.”
For me, I have to distinguish between “lies” and “believable lies”. I have a semi-distant relative who is of the belief that if he denies something, it did not occur. It doesn’t matter how long it is between the event and the denial: “Hey! You just ate a cookie from the plate that says ‘Do Not Eat – For Bakesale’!” “No I didn’t.” “Yes you did! I saw you!” “No, I didn’t.” “You’re still chewing it.” “No, I’m not.” He puts the “moron” in “historical revisionist.” But he’s not believable, for obvious reasons.
The most believable lie was one told by a couple I’m close to who told me several times how they had met in a bar, including warm “oh, honey remember . . . ?” exchanges about That Fateful Night. Years later she confessed to me they had been next-door neighbors, married to other people, who had an en fuego affair with each other and left their respective spouses for True Love. I assume she thought I’d be all judgey about it, and who knows, maybe I would have been, before I knew and liked them so well. What struck me though was not constructing the house of the lie, but painting, carpeting, and furnishing it so thoroughly, and visiting it so often. Why couldn’t they have left it at “we met at a bar”?