I’m all for it, I don’t want people to track dirt from outside onto my floor. However I do allow shoes on the non-carpeted surfaces, which would require a guest to use the front and back door to go from one side to the other as there is no continous non-carpet surface (though one chose to crawl).
If you have to ask, it’s rude.
If they expect it, you don’t have to ask. If it’s the cultural norm, you won’t have to ask. That’s all. If you are in a part of the country where it’s expected, you won’t have to ask. If you are in a part of the country where it isn’t, you will have to ask. If you have to put in on an invitation, that means you know that your guests will not take off their shoes by default. You know that it isn’t the norm. We don’t mention things on invitations that are the norm. We don’t say, “We won’t expect you to wear your mittens during the party.” We don’t say, “Please cover your crotch during dinner.” We don’t say, “Please don’t pee in the foyer.” If the people you invite to a party are so ingrained in the no shoes default, you would never have to request they remove them.
I disagree. I see no difference between this and any other information regarding dress included in an invitation. For example, casual/formal dress, black tie, bring your bathing suit/ice skates.
Why?
Because you might find yourself in an uncomfortable situation were you to be asked to remove your shoes and you didn’t have an extra house pair?
I agree that the invitation isn’t rude. If people know ahead of time they can take measures to avoid discomfort and embarassment (such as getting a pair of house shoes).
While some are flabbergasted that this topic is even worthy of discussion, I’m flabbergasted that they’re flabbergasted. 
In other words, this cultural division runs deep. I’m hopeful we’re understanding one another a bit better.
Here’s another cultural division this thread has turned up: the same people who feel more comfortable shod in public, are probably less likely to sit on the floor.
Farmwoman, the reason I find the Vietnamese custom charming is because it bends over backwards to make the guests comfortable. Presumably the Vietnamese householders feel just as strongly about no-shoes as the Canadians and the Europeans in this thread do. Yet they feel even more strongly about putting their guests at ease. Assuming that TheLoadedDog wasn’t used to removing his shoes inside, they would rather ignore the dirt he’d be tracking in than risk making him feel awkward or inconveniencing him in any way. That is charming.
I put the Umm there instead of ---- Really? Do you really feel this way? Yep, I guess it’s a bit condescending.
Sorry.
This is what I meant.
You’re kidding me, you really feel it’s OK to ask for your guest’s shoes? You believe that they have been walking around in crap all day? That they would come to your house with shitty, piss, garbage stained shoes?
Nothing obtuse at all. Acute maybe. You may also want to skim this thread. I mentioned that 25 people trying to get their shoes on leaving a party is quite a drag.
I don’t like being asked to not wear shoes. But I will. It’s a completely silly request, but whatever floats your boat. As a guest, I respect the hosts wishes. I will however, keep my coat if I’m chilly.
js, I honestly do not understand what you’re saying; perhaps we’re talking at cross purposes. How is it rude to ask someone to do something? “Please take off your shoes in the hallway. You can just pop them on the mat there. Thanks!” That’s rude? Well, no; it’s rude to TELL people to do something. It’s rude to do any number of things. It might be rude to ask if you asked along the lines of “would you take your goddamn shoes off, ass-hat?” Politely asking someone to do something is not generally rude, especially when you use the magic word. You can’t function with other humans without asking for things.
As I said, though, I simply have no experience with this; I was unaware that there was places in North America where people didn’t take their shoes off before entering a home. So maybe this question is some profound, insulting thing, a cultural taboo akin to asking guests to give the hostess a rim job. I don’t see why, though. It strikes me as being an innocuous request.
I’m not sure I buy this. The world is not evenly broken up into Shoes and No Shoes, with big road signs saying “Entering Shoes Zone. Do not ask people to take off shoes under penalty of death.”
An example; what happens if Guinastasia’s in Toronto on business and I invite her over for dinner? She might come plodding in with her shoes on. I’m probably going to politely ask her to leave them at the door. (I don’t keep my house at arctic temperatures.) Is that impolite? Or was she impolite in wearing them in, despite beaing from somewhere you wear your shoes inside, and probably not even giving it a second thought? I think it’s possible that NEITHER of us are impolite.
Sometimes humans do have to give each other verbal cues as to what’s acceptable behaviour in their homes.
Why anyone would be wearing four inch heels is an interesting question in itself.
Haa.
I’ll have to remind my friends dogs of this Miss Manners may have something to say on it as well.
Thanks for the laugh. This thread got way to serious. Luck and happy weekend everyone. I’ve got my boots on, I’m gonna go outside for a cigar.
Me too. My brother and I have gone around shoeless indoors all our lives despite it upsetting & puzzling our mother and greatgrandmother. Our greatgrandmother was convinced that if you went barefoot you’d get pnemonia, so it troubled her greatly that we took off our shoes whenever we were allowed to. So she knit us countless ugly slippers we only wore at her house.
However, I’d never presume to take off my shoes at someone else’s house unless they too went barefoot indoors. Most people don’t, and I find it weird, but it’s their house…
One thing I still don’t understand about the no-shoes crowd: how often do you go in and out of a house?
At nearly every party I have gone to where the host has a back yard, the back yard will be part of the party area (they’ll have tables, drinks, etc outside, as well as people playing games outside). People enter and leave the house dozens of times. I can’t imagine having to take off or put on my shoes 50+ times a day, often in radid succession.
Do you just stay put in the house once you get in?
Well, my personal shoes-off thing is a comfort issue, and I particularly love being barefoot outdoors whenever I can get away with it. So when I’m at home or somewhere else where I’ve got my shoes off, I go outside without shoes. I imagine this would be a bit more of a problem for an actual party party, at least one that didn’t involve a pool…but then I’ve never been in a house that absolutely required guests to remove shoes.
I go barefoot too, though there are slippers lying around. it *is * mostly about comfort.
where else, other than America, is ‘shoes on’ the norm?
And what happens if I come in and you ask me to take off my shoes? I am left with three choices: I can have quite unpleasant physical discomfort, I can whine that I don’t want to take off my shoes and force you to make an exception for me which will leave me feeling extremely gauche, or I can leave. My mother would disown me if I thought of asking for an exemption which puts my hosts on the spot. So I’m left with suffering or leaving. I would probably suffer for as short a time as possible, make an excuse, and leave.
If you say nothing, you get one guest who doesn’t do things your ideal way.
Were you to come to my house and take off your shoes, I wouldn’t even consider mentioning the subject at all. If I noticed, I might encourage my husband to take off his shoes so that if you notice you wouldn’t feel isolated. My husband wouldn’t mind. We’d probably both be terrified that you were going to get cat fur stuck to your socks, but such things happen.
I would say nothing and get one guest who doesn’t do things my ideal way.
In Western Canada (and it sounds like Eastern Canada, too), we don’t ask other people to take their shoes off - it is understood. I suspect that most of you “shoes on” folks would be converted in a very short time, after seeing how much muck you can track in in a very short time in winter.
As for going in and out, now that you mention it, Canadians don’t tend to go in and out a lot in winter, because it is a big hassle for more than the shoes (parka, mittens, scarf, toque, etc). Plus the whole “dying if you stay outside too long” thing.
There actually is a whole set of shoe rules of etiquette in Canada - we are raised with them, and understand all the nuances, so it doesn’t seem awkward or a burdern to us at all. The rules do relax somewhat in summer, especially at house parties. In those situations, the host/ess will probably explicitly tell people to not bother with taking their shoes off.
So assuming that the idea of tracking in dirt and germs is ridiculous as most of you shoes-on people seem to think, what about the culture issue? Would you risk insulting your Asian host, knowing as you probably do now that taking your shoes off is showing your respect for the house? Are you insulted or shocked when somebody walks in and immediately takes off their shoes? I’m asking this since that’s what I always do, and now I’m wondering if I’ve been making everyone else uncomfortable with my socked or bare feet.
Where did this shoes-on policy come from? It seems like most of the world keeps shoes off inside. What makes certain parts of America unique in this regard?
If you have some condition that causes you to have “unpleasant physical discomfort” just say so. What’s so hard about that? If there’s some REASON you can’t take your shoes off, well, hey, no problem.
Have you never in your entire life visited someone who doesn’t want you walking around their house in your shoes? Never been anywhere it snows? Surely you don’t go tromping into someone’s house wearing boots caked with slush and ice? What do you do then? (If your location’s on your posts, I forgot to look, so sorry if it makes the answer to this obvious.) Trust me; in Toronto, if you don’t take footwear off at the door, it’s going to wreck the house; you’ll destroy your first floor carpeting in a month. Foyer mats and such will not do the job.
You’re not serious, right? “Feeling isolated”? By your husband wearing shoes? I I think the difference here may be that you really, really CARE about shoes to an extent I don’t understand - why would I care that you want to wear shoes in your own house?
Okay, well I’m in the “wear shoes in other peoples’ houses” camp. I’ve been in very few houses here where people require shoes to be taken off. BUT - I always take my shoes off when I get home. I just don’t feel comfortable and “homey” if I’m wearing shoes - kind of like when I come home I always take my bra off. I don’t even like wearing socks at home.
We have a welcome mat, if I’ve been in the rain I’ll rub my shoes on the mat.
I think this issue could be related to climate too. We have no snow here, and it doesn’t rain much. My shoes just don’t get that dirty! I don’t walk in dirty places.
I think it’s kind of funny - if I get something new and expensive, it’s usually to make my life easier, not harder. I’d be thinking long and hard if something I was going to buy was going to look “prettier” but going to cause me a lot more work looking after it. Just doesn’t make sense to me.
At my house, I don’t give a shit if you wear shoes or not. However, I usually take my sneakers/boots/whatever off when I get home and trade up for a pair of flip flops because my feet really start to hurt if I walk around barefoot.
The carpet in my livingroom/dining room area is old and will be replaced by hard flooring soon. Also I like wearing flip flops in the house most of the time or there is a risk of stepping on a random cat toy or in cat barf… I have a cat whose hobby is to barf when he doesn’t get enough attention.
My husband on the other hand puts his work boots on in the moring before he goes to work and usually doesn’t take them off until he is getting ready for bed. He will take them off if they are all muddy/excessivly dirty.
Nobody here puts feet or butts on tables or counters, except the cats (yes I have tried to break them of this with no luck, I am outnumbered). Tables and food surfaces are cleaned before use, though. I go through a lot of Clorox wipeys.
I did grow up in Nebraska, where we did get get snow & slush and it was common practice to remove yucky boots/shows and trade up for clean ones or just go in socks. Here in Las Vegas, we don’t get typical winter weather so snowy/slushy wet shoes isn’t a problem.
I have friends who have a “no shoes” policy and it doesn’t bother me at all. It can be akward and embarassing if your not aware of it before you come over. I do, however, think it is rude for people to ask you to remove shoes, and not provide a place to sit down to do it . But I have never been to a party where the hosts have requested footwear removal.