I’m impressed by the difference between your reaction and the bus driver’s.
Bus driver: Quietly picks her up, takes her to school. Shrugs off the suggestion that she is a Wonderful Concerned Heroine.
You: (1) Try to convince the child to get into an (almost) stranger’s car, because you don’t have 15 minutes to walk with her.
(2) Leave her alone while you fetch more moms (in the car, because you don’t have x minutes (x<15) to walk back with her). Child disappears from view while you’re doing this.
(3) Talk to, not the parents, but the principal. Demand an explanation.
(4) Plan to call the school board and the CPS. Gee, maybe you can get the child taken away, put in foster care. That would be lots better than Robynne having to walk 2 miles a day for 3 days.
(5) Write to message board and explain how you’re conscious of having done a good deed by getting involved in all these ways.
I thought the bus driver couldnt/wouldnt take her, if I had known she would stop and get her, this thread wouldnt even exist.
It wasnt that I didnt WANT to take the time, I have responsibilities of my own, I dont have 2 hours to walk a child to school, who is not mine. I have problems with my knees that are none of your business, but the hour it would have taken me to walk her there, and then the hour to walk back to my car would have cost me dearly. I have approximately 10 extra minutes each morning allotted for emergencies.
Would YOUR boss take an explanation like that for being 2 hours late for work???
I should leave my car on the side of the road and then walk her back? By the time I DROVE back, almost everyone was gone. How is me leaving her alone (the way I found her) wrong? She was alone before I stopped, which you obviously think I shouldnt have done. Pick one, bad for stopping, bad for leaving her alone, cant have both.
I only saw the principal because I went to the school to try and locate the little girl I now couldnt find. I didnt seek out the principal, she was standing in the yard when I pulled in with my car. I could have gone to the parents house I suppose, but I knew Robynne wasnt at home, and I was looking for Robynne. I didnt demand an explanation, I tried to give her one, as I was absolutely certain she couldnt possibly be involved.
Can you read? I am not calling anyone.
And in this area, kids starve to death in their cribs before they are taken from parents, its hardly a possibility she would be taken anywhere, but some official advice might be appropriate. And honestly, I would rather see her in foster care than trembling next to the highway, too scared to keep going and too scared to go back.
I didnt post to show how concious I was of anything, I posted to get other people reactions to the situation. I thought maybe I had overreacted, wouldnt be the first time. I felt pretty icky about trying to get her to come with me, like I was a ‘bad person’ TM.
Why does anyone post anything? We post for validation, feedback, information, why did you post?
It was a 15 minute bicycle ride, for an adult, not a 15 minute walk for a child. Read the OP
talking to the parents doesnt work
No, CPS does not take children awaychildred for stuff like this. not unless they keep doing dangerous stuff like this after being warned that it is innapropriate. The most that will happen is they will get fined, and have to attend parenting classes(which really is not a bad idea for anybody) And yes, and its not about the kid haveing to walk 2-3 miles a day, its about about putting a 6 year old in a hazerdous situation.
I currently live in Vancouver, but grew up in Montreal’s suburbs.
My mother works with mentally-challenged kids in an elementary school. My mother-in-law works in a high school. My father-in-law used to be on a school board.
I have two close friends who are teachers in Vancouver-- and one used to teach in a rural area.
I have no kids (not through lack of trying!), but I live next to a high school in a very residential area-- that’s the site of dozens of near-accidents every day as parents drop their kids off at school. There’s an elementary school about 1.5 km away.
I still don’t think making a 6-year-old walk to school (even if it IS a 30 minute walk) is a criminal offense worthy of calling police or bringing in social workers.
Well, in the US, at least in most states, even leaving a 6 year old alone in thier own home without adult supervision is a criminal offense worthy of calling the cops, and or bringing in social workers. It is a crime to leave a child that young unattended anywhere, but especially on the side of a busy four lane road.
If your child were walking a long distance in the cold, across four lanes of traffic, wouldn’t you want someone to stop and offer to help them?
Hell, I don’t even like driving on busy rods, I certainly wouldn’t walk on 'em. And my kids would walk on a road like the one Kelli described over my dead body.
-Mercury
I think the principal knows his or her job, and knows it isn’t to raise other people’s kids when they’re not at the school. If your child is kicked off the bus, it is your responsibility to get your child to school. Not the principal’s. Now, I’m not saying he/she was a genius to sanction the parents’ plan to make the child walk; I’m just saying that it isn’t the principals’ problem to get the kid to school. What if the child was thrown off the bus for consistently bad behavior, like hitting the other kids? Is it then the principal’s job to make sure the kid gets to school safely? No. It isn’t.
Making your child walk to school is not a crime. Child endangerment is. I don’t think it’s clear from the OP that the child was in danger, though she may have been. It depends on the circumstances: How far did she have to walk? How mature is she for her age? What was the weather like? Did she have to cross any busy streets? Is it a safe neighborhood?
What is clear from the OP is the KELLI and a number of other moms were concerned about the situation and didn’t think it was right. Under those circumstances, absolutely you were correct, KELLI, to raise your concerns with the principal and, if necessary, the State. The only thing I would disagree with is failing to speak to the parents. Involving Child Protective Services is a big, big deal, and I’d hate to see it happen over what might well have been a one-time lapse of judgment. (Apparently, there’s no reason to think the child is usually abused or neglected.) If you think the parents would not appreciate being spoken to about it, I can guarantee they’d appeciate it a hell of a lot more than having Child Protective Services sicced on them.
That won’t be necessary. I’ve already said my peice, and I don’t feel it was inappropriate for this forum. I did not flame you; I merely pointed out that, IMO, your attitude towards a very young child’s well-being is not one I would like to see in a person charged with the care of a child. YMM, of course, V.
It only takes about 10 minutes for me to walk my children to school and after they hit second grade they were able to walk on their own because I felt confident that they would stay away from the street and there was a group of them so nobody walked alone.
Well, this year I have a kindergartener as I will again next year when my youngest starts cchool.
I walk them this year as I will next year. They walk along two main drags around here and lots of people don’t pay any attention to the fact they they are zooming around where children walk to school.
Two years ago on May 3rd my son was hit by a car. He was the fourth and most seriously hit. That would be the fourth in a total of two months!
That and every year around spring time the nuts come out of the woodwork and we are sent a newsletter about someone trying to lure children into thier vehicle in our area.
My oldest daughters friend was confronted a year ago.
Kel, lots of people here realise that you weren’t looking for attention. Just to get it off your chest and some general feed back.
None of that matters. The child that young being outside of adult supervision is a crime, its neglect. It could be the safest neighborhood in the world, and it would still be criminal. She is 6 years old for Gods sake.
**
No, its not a big deal. Having worked with abused children, I have had to call CPS on several occasions. Sometimes I really wasnt sure that there was anything to it, but I was required by law to report it. I have also have had friends who have had CPS called on them, when it there was nothing to it. CPS just checked into what happened, and left. CPS isn’t swat. They dont kick the parents door down and rip the child away. They go to the house, ask a few questions, and in this case would probably warn the parents not to do it again and make a record of it. Its no big deal, if there isnt a problem.
I personally couldnt give a rats ass what the parents appreciate. They may be mad, but since they dont know where it came from, theres no bad blood and they get over it. Its impersional. If you go to the parents first, its personal, they will hold a grudge, and it will bother them more in the long run then an anonymous call.
No, it is not definitionally a crime, no matter how much you might like to say that it is. A six year old is not a two year old. In the “safest neighborhood in the world,” a mature-for-her-age, well-adjusted six-year-old might well be able to handle a short walk to school all by his or her self. I am not talking about whether or not it would be smart, I’m talking about whether it is a crime.
Make no mistake: It can be a very big deal. Do you think they just come out and investigate a situation without making a report? Every investigation is reported, and once you’re the subject of investigation, no matter how groundless, you are in the system as a parent or guardian against whom an allegation of abuse or neglect has been made. Your only recourse then is to demand to have the record expunged if the report is deemed “unsubstantiated,” assuming you have that right in your state and you know enough about your rights to demand that be done. And while certain workers (chiefly health care workers and teachers) are required by law to report suspected abuse or neglect, that only begs the question of what, precisely, constitutes neglect.
It is a big deal, precisely because they make a record of it. You are then in the state system as a parent about whom a report of abuse or neglect has been made. That may not be a big deal to you, but it would be a big deal to me if I were a parent. And it can make it extremely difficult to get a job as a day care provider or teacher; if the licensing bureau checks the data base (which they will), at a minimum you’ll have to explain why CPS was called on you.
If you imagine that any parent would be more bothered to have a neighbor or other parent speak to them than they would be to open their door to find Child Protective Services on their doorstep – well, then you and I have widely different ideas of what constitutes a bother.
I think I would’ve called the cops rather than leave her alone on her way to school.
Cops like kids. She probably would’ve been given a ride in a neat police car.
Cops don’t like moronic parents that place their children in harm’s way. A visit from a cop might preclude a visit from CPS and the vicious cycle that may ensue. Or, if he deemed it appropriate, the cop could initiate the investigation.
6 years old is simply too young to have to walk that far alone.
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By crime I mean against the law. Most states(probably all) have a law against leaving a child that young without adut supervision. Its pretty simple. If the child is below a certain age, and you leave them home, or on the side of the road, without an adult it is against the law. The law says nothing about how safe the neighborhood is, or how well-adjusted the child is, just how old. the law varies from state to state, but the lowest I ever heard of is 10.
Yeah, the keep a record of it, so what. I have a friend who had cps called, even made the papers because a stunt his daughter pulled(its a long story, but it was nothing bad). When he got a job, on the same adolecent psych ward I worked, It wasnt a problem at all.
If your best friend tells you your a bad parent, or a complete stranger tells you your a bad parent, which would you take more personally? Most people, its the friend. Now maybe CPS would be more of a hassle, even a little scarier, but the long term bad feelings run deeper when its someone you know, and if you are that friend they may hate you forever. I took that risk, and in retrospect, it was the wrong decision. The friend in my case even told me that later. Luckily I was able to patch things up, but it took a long time. He finally came around and realized what I was saying was true.
All right, fair enough. That part was out of line, and I apologize.
The thing is, I do have a child, and I get very emotional regarding perceived abuse or neglect of children. You seemed to say that placing a child in harm’s way was no big deal, and that people were being silly for worrying about it, since the chances of the girl being abducted were not great, and she probably would not be harmed. That, besides being not really relevant to the main reasons for not leaving a six-year old child alone, seemed to be a pretty heartless attitude.
I picture my child being in that position, scared and alone, and I know I would never let that happen. So when someone tells me I’m being foolish for worrying about it, I get angry. I have a strong protective streak towards my child especially, but also to other children. I don’t apologize for that.
But I could have told you so without the “never reproduce” part, and for that, once again, I apologize. I hope and believe that if you ever do have children, you will understand why those who do have such a visceral reaction to people who endanger them.
A child walking to school is not a the same as a child “left on the side of the road.” If you know of any law saying that a six-year-old child may not be unsupervised under any circumstances, no matter how safe, I’d be happy to take a look at it. I think you would find that while leaving a too-young child at home alone may constitute neglect, and leaving any child at the side of the road may constitute abandonment, the laws are not written as specifically as you seem to imagine, so that they absolutely, in every single case, encompass the six year old walking to school.
If my choice is my best friend or a social worker representing the state? Are you kidding me? The social worker would be taken much more personally and seriously. This is not someone telling me they disagree with my parenting style, this is someone reporting me to the authorities as a child abuser.
If you don’t get that, then we will just have to disagre about what constitues a “big deal.”
In Vienna I used to commute one and a half hours to school every day, but I was a very mature seven years old :-p. First, I’d take the tram from my house to the underground station stop. Walk 5 blocks to the station, get on the underground, get off at my stop, get on another tram, get off at my stop, and walk the rest of the way to school. Of course, I’ve never lived in a city as safe as Vienna, so I was never worried about being kidnapped or anything.
What’s appalling to me in this case is that the road to the school isn’t safe for pedestrians. I’m assuming this is near some urban area, or else walking by herself wouldn’t seem to be as big of a problem. Does the principal know how dangerous the road is? Maybe he/she is simply not aware of the dangers involved in walking to school from her home.
The other issue is that she’s alone. Maybe if one of her friends were to walk with her, there wouldn’t be as big of an issue. I would say that perhaps the parents should ask an older child to accompany her, except for the dangers of walking on the roads.
I don’t mean to sound uncaring, because I love kids, and I want to work with them after I finish grad school. However, age six isn’t necessarily too young to go places, depending on the child. I’ve known some kindergartners that were mature enough to be third or fourth graders, and I’ve known some that really should have been kept at home another year. So YMMV.
You did a good thing in going to the principal with your concerns, and you should definitely make sure they have all the information. Well done!
As far as I can tell, some kid got into a fight on the bus, and got kicked off. Her parents then made her walk to school.
Now members of this messageboard want to call the police, and/or Child Protection Services.
Do the words “hysterical over-reaction” mean anything here?
How about if you mind your own business? The child is being punished for doing something wrong. It is a natural consequence of being kicked off the bus that you have to walk.
Now if some non-family member tried to entice my child into getting into a car without my permission, that might be a reason to call the police.
I’m all for punishment for misbehaving children, but only when it fits the crime. In my imagining a 6 year old walking alone to school ON A FOUR LANE MOTORWAY does not fit the crime. It is NOT the same as when we were kids, traffic is heavier and therefore more dangerous. Get a clue