Patricinus Scriblerus and widdershins, despite never being able to walk again, eventually co-founded the National Support Group for Lemur Assaults in 1987. Their paths diverged, however when widdershins was arrested shortly thereafter for embezzlement, fraud, and egregious loitering, and was subsequently sentenced to seven years hard labour. Scriblerus became governor of Alaska in 1992, running on the “Alaska-Yukon unification” ticket, and today lives with his wife Janet and his two children, Boris and Natasha.
After failing in his attempt to be the first person to traverse Siberia by unicylce, Treviathan went into seclustion in Kuala Lampur. He emerged five years later, claiming that the meaning of life was to be found in jelly beans. He founded the Jelly Bean Spa in Gallup, New Mexico, but mysteriously vanished soon afterwards. A cryptic note was found in his office that read: “The parrot hangs upside down”.
His whereabouts are currently unknown
arisu became the lead part of the fantastic Broadway show “Sunny New England”.
Unfortunately, audiences didn’t show up, and arisu was forced into the life of drunken debauchery, short stints at amature pornography and later succumbed to the sweet, sweet callings of death.
Broken Doll spent years and years posting on obscure computer messaging boards. She eventually rose up to become the co-moderator of another message board, and chose the moniker Cecily Adams to go with her new found fame.
Rico’s meteoric rise through the ranks in military service was tragically cut short when he became Special of the Day on the Bug home planet.
dwyr, long tormented over the denial of his Welsh heritage,s suffered a mental breakdown in 2018 when his subconscious mind forced him to deny his own existence. Hijacking a paper mache gondola from a Mardi Gras celebration in Cardiff, Dwyr, claiming to be the devil, sailed into the north Atlantic ocean, with the intent of “Resuscitating the great king of amongolis.” His badly decayed corpse was discovered by a Russian fishing trawler six month later off of the coast of Svalbard island. The cause of death was, according to the cryptically worded autopsy report, “Squid induced injuries, consistent with battle trauma.”
Ranchoth
Ranchoth was sent, in a top-secret mission by NASA, to explore a newly-discovered planet. Upon arriving, the population of the planet installed Ranchoth as Dear Leader, Omnipotent Presence, and All-Around Swell Person. Unfortunately, Ranchoth had to be executed a few weeks later, after his cellphone rang during the official coronation ceremony.
Ranchoth’s last words were, “I had no idea the signal carried that far…”
After enduring many years of extreme guilt over the tragic salami incident, Duke joined a monastic order, the Brotherhood of Holy Purity. He stayed the order for many years, frequently fasting and taking vows of silence, before his mysterious disappearance while on a missionary trip to Denmark.
madonnaman was driven mad by having been left hanging in a certain thread on a certain message board. He snuck into Cuba hoping for revenge against the capilitalist pigs who had denied him his future. But a falling out with Castro left his ego battered and bruised. His trail disappeared after he left Cuba ahead of the goon squad. And his whereabouts are currently unknown.
We did received a letter from one of his close friends claiming he went to Antarctica. We tried to contact this friend but found that he had hung himself before we could speak to him. If you know the whereabouts of madonnaman please contact us or your local law enforcement agency.
Osiris was last spotted in Egypt trying to claim his status as the messiah. Unfortunately, his miracle healing clinic was destroyed by a suicide-llama. Portions of his corpse were later found drifting down the Nile, in Friskey brand dog food, and in Madonnaman’s hair.
Solomon7t, apparently in a high state of confusion about such modern indulgences as Robert Altman plots and ebay auctions of cat pendants tried on Wednesday to raise Britanny Spears from the dead, apparently unaware that she was still living. Since fans noticed no difference in her behavior, police have decided to drop charges in favor of remedial home economics courses at a local junior college.
Dismayed by the failure of his plan to unionize the staff of Dr. Finster’s Hospital for the Extremely Nervous Very Rich, partly_warmer decided to leave the Movement and take on the system from within. After winning a seat in Congress from the great state of East Dakota, he found that he liked having hot and cold running bathing suit models at his beck and call. Also, the graft allowed him to finance a lifestyle that he could only dream about when he was throwing tomatoes at SUV drivers.
Today, he can usually be found lunching at the Plutocrats’ Club, lounging in the salon smoking $50 cigars and wearing slippers made from the poor.
In a now-eerily prescient press conference given last week, Zappo cryptically murmured that after the publication of his most recent coffee table book of erotic monkey/llama art he would now like to pursue a career as “voodoo hitman, you crotch-grabbing bastards.” Although Zappo’s whereabouts are currently unknown, a police search of his Winnebago turned up a collection of disturbing objects, including a Black’s Law Dictionary hollowed out to contain a pink cocktail umbrella, a small Ziploc bag of an as-yet-undetermined substance labelled “chigger balls,” and the eyes of Laura Mars.
Thank you for the wonderful thoughts. Will you sue my estate if i decide to put this on my tombstone?
Of course not. Have at it, Congressman! 
brondicon was hailed by the paranoid conspiracy press as the man of the year during the peak of their 35 minute 500% increase in sales. Brondicon bizzare death early this morning sparked interest among the unemployed and lazy in conspiracy books, letters and in the case of Zardoz Publishin, invisible ink toilet paper messages.
The corpse was found at 2 am by a pair of Boy Scouts Of America dressed in black ninja-like outfits from Old Navy with designer labels from P-Diddy’s clothing line. When asked about their strange clothing both children self-destructed, much like Dick Clark when asked about his mother’s maiden name earlier this year. Police reccords of the interview about the discovery of the body were lost when the sun was briefly stolen by men in black helicopters, wearing Swiss Guard uniforms, and purple fish-net stockings.
brondicon was found naked handcuffed to two Brook Shields clones. Both clones were anatomically incorrect, yet brondicon appeared to be ‘normal’. He was ‘eaten’ to death according to preliminary coroner reports. The coroner continued to speculate that the prehensile heads growing from the lower thoraxs of the clones broke free of the remote contol inhibitors that prevented them from unleashing their never ending hunger on any living tissue nearby. Both clones were also dead, falling victim to each other’s ungodly hunger.
Police say that the murder seems to be caused by one of several youth gangs currently fighting over street turf to peddle black-market hallucingenic japanese animation collectable cards.
In a related statement, Bob Dole, Bill Clinton, Bill Gates and recently deseased actress Sandra Bullock stated that they, and their foundation “Nuclear-Systems Yelta, NC” N-SYNC stated that they neither had anything to do with the death, nor are their genetic experimentaions on celebery DNA involved.
brondicon’s latest novel, Mr. Bee’s Big Poo-A child’s toilet training novel was recently embrased as a fundamental manual to overthrow the tolitarian masters of corperate america. Currently, his death and the manner in which he died appear to have no relation to his work as an author.
–Sorry, slow day