The only experience I have is from Mormonism which used to openly teach that homosexuality was a sin which men get tempted by and fall prey to the Devil (mostly, I cannot recall any time they talked about women being tempted into becoming lesbians, so we don’t know how that happens). The prophet of the church when I was a youth, Spencer Kimball wrote a book in which he outlined that masturbation leads to mutual masturbation with other men which leads to homosexuality.
They have slightly modified this to now say that some people have “same sex attraction” which isn’t a sin in and of itself, but “acting” on it is a sin.
I know it’s a cliche but I think there’s a strong element of truth in the idea that a lot of extreme homophobes are themselves homosexuals in denial. They’re gay people who grew up in an environment that taught them homosexuality is wrong. So they’re fighting their own sexual urges. They then project this out on to other people and decide that the people who they’re attracted to are trying to subvert them and are their enemy.
So no one else deals with what I deal with. I do my best to fight it, but I know I have some in-built homophobia. It’s gotten better over time, but it’s still there.
It has absolutely nothing to do with sex or even who you like. It’s entirely the lisp and the actions I attribute to being female. There’s a way in my brain that men act when they are being warm, and a way women do it.
Yip, it’s a gender norm thing. And, yes, I’m aware this doesn’t apply to all gay men–in fact, realizing that those who don’t act this way don’t bother me was a revelation. So was realizing that I don’t feel this way if I’m talking to you in text form.
I don’t know why–maybe it’s the always annoying gay guy on TV I grew up with. Maybe it’s that I find cuteness attractive, and so it creates two conflicting emotions when I see a guy being cute while not being attracted to him because he’s a guy.
All I know is that it makes me uncomfortable and is thus something I work on stopping. And it has gotten a lot better. Exposure is the cure to “phobias,” whether they are the literal “fear” kind or the metaphorical “revulsion” kind.
That’s why it’s less of a problem elsewhere. Gay people are more integrated in most places than in Southern “Christian” communities.
My underdeveloped hypothesis is that it has to do with gender roles. Ever notice that the religions or denominations that have problems with homosexuality are the same that have issues with gender equality, or, heaven forbid, women in positions of authority?
2 main reasons I can see: Tradition and religion. They overlap, but I think you can make a distinction
Tradition is what conservatism is. To me, if you broke it down to the basics of what aversion someone has to homosexuality, its simply fear of the unknown. “How will homosexuality change everything I’m used to? How will it affect me? What new thing do I have to see and hear about, and what will I be forced to do?” Subconsciously, those in the traditional stance ask themselves that. These people don’t want to bother to change anything at all. It may simply be an laziness thing (“I don’t want to have to ask whether a guy is married to a guy, I want to assume its to a woman!”) or manifest itself in fear (“What if I’m in a locker room and a gay person is there? Will he rape me?”). Though I don’t believe they’re all rooted in hate or fear, such a belief is usually rooted in some negative vice. They don’t stand up to scrutiny though and they are usually emotional, irrational reactions to something with little thought behind it. That’s why you see people get so angry about things that don’t affect them, that anger is the emotional reaction spilling out. They didn’t think about it rationally so they won’t think about what a proper response should be.
Religion requires little explanation. Its similar to tradition, but some carry the extra baggage of believing they or others are actually going to go to some damned pit of eternal torment. Its pretty sad really, but not sad enough to excuse their behavior.
There seems to be a lot of fear too. Men who wish to control women often believe they are doing it to protect them. Because women are temptresses that make men lose all control. Better hide women.
Similarly we’ve been witnesses to various anti-gay activists that seem to have no faith in heterosexual men’s ability to control themselves in the presence of a gay person. They obsess boundlessly about gay sex in a way that most heterosexual men do not.
I feel that the ones fueling the fires of this movement are not so certain of their own heterosexuality. I know I am heterosexual because even if I am not repulsed by it, I simply have never in my 45 years met any woman I wanted to have sex with. And I spend zero time thinking about what they do in bed.
(bolding, mine)
Yeah, this doesn’t reflect one iota of reality that I’ve seen with or have experienced and I have a group of gay guys & gals that I have breakfast with semi-regularly on the weekends. When being introduced everyone says their name and shakes hands just like the straights.
Yep, thinking about all the gay people I know, I can’t recall anyone mentioning it when we first met. When I do learn about it at the first meeting, it always because they introduced me to a same sex partner.
This reply speaks for me as well. Hetero male, 65, married 45 years. Wife and I have had many gay/lesbian friends, singles and couples, all of them “functionally indistinguishable” from hetero equivalents.
My personal reaction to the thought of gay sex is “Not for me, thanks” but I’ve never found the notion repulsive or disgusting.
So as DrFidelius so eloquently put it- You got me, chief.
Or the determination to say not me
Or the fascination with a current news story that this is applicable to
Or possibly it’s not that unreasonable a response rate for a thread that everyone has an opinion on.
I’m a straight married man in my 30s. I think that in my teens and early twenties I thought I was repulsed by the idea of gay sex or gay affection, but now it doesn’t bother me in the least. Gay kissing in movies or TV doesn’t bother me at all, gay love scenes don’t bother me at all, gay affection in public doesn’t bother me at all, and even a gay sexual act on Bourbon Street during Mardi Gras a few years ago caused no more than momentary mild shock (which I think was just due to the fact that it was a public sex act, which is moderately but not terribly unusual on Bourbon Street during Mardi Gras).
So I don’t believe that there’s anything innate about anyone’s repulsion – I believe it’s entirely cultural, and either taught by one’s parents or by society.
I have never done this in my life, nor do I know anyone who has. Which is a shame really, had I introduce myself as “Hello, I’m Foggy and I suck cock(s)!” I might have had more fun when I was younger.
Actually nor have I or anyone I know. Now, if you ask me, I’ll have no problem telling you, but if I were simply introduce myself, I’d most likely qualify my self introduction with my career…or even that I’m a New Yorker…but, “hey, I’m Balddude and I’m a fudge packer…”’ Doubtful
I think there are a variety of causes. Some straight men are terrified gay men will treat them as sex objects the way they (scared straight guys) treat women. For some people following the details of the religious law in their various faiths is important and various religions have had objections to homosexuality (much of which I suspect derives from the fact that gay sex isn’t going to produce significant future military fodder).
