Not being Catholic, not sure how much is TMI, but here goes: husband and I are Protestant; hubby’s brother is Protestant, but his wife is a staunch Catholic and the kids are being raised Catholic; hubby is niece’s Godfather. Last Friday, we received a handwritten note from the niece informing us that she will receive confirmation on October 3, to be done by a Bishop of a Diocese. I assume that’s a big deal.
That’s not enough time to buy something and get it to her by then, and we can’t attend with such short notice. Hubby doesn’t even know what his responsibilities are as a Godfather, and certainly doesn’t know the proper response to this, in which case I think he should call and then send a gift. In our telecon, do we congratulate her? say how proud we are? What does a Catholic girl on the eve of her confirmation need/want to hear? As for a gift, I’ve done a little browsing online and (as I figured) find that a religious symbol especially related to Catholicism is a typical gift (e.g., saint medal). Niece informs us via her note, “I have taken the name of St. Cecilia because she is the patron saint of music which is a big part of my life.” (We have no idea what it means that she has “taken the name of St. Cecilia…”) On her father’s side, there are just us two Protestants, but her maternal side includes at least ten family members who are Catholic, so I expect she’ll be receiving appropriate gifts from them. Should we not worry about duplicating gifts? I’m confident about writing a letter to go with the gift, but are there some words or phrases that I should include in the note? (Or, am I worrying too much about this?)
Saying congratulations is fine. A religious object of some sort is an appropriate gift for her at this point. There are no “special” words that one must say, as far as I know, and I was raised Catholic. Usual gifts are rosaries, necklaces with the appropriate saint’s medal on them, a miniature bible, a headscarf in some places, or some sort of prayer or hymn book. The saint’s medal or rosary should likely be blessed by a local catholic priest or higher prior to being given, or the fact that this has not been done should be noted in your letter. The average catholic cannot have too many rosaries or saint’s medals, so duplicating that sort of gift is not an issue. I’d say you should probably get her a St. Cecilia medal or a St. Christopher medal (St. Christopher is the patron saint of travelers, and sees to their protection) if you get a medal.
“Taking the name” of a saint is somewhat like choosing a private religious name. You would not normally call her Cecilia under any circumstance, but a priest/bishop/nun may use that name in future religious ceremonies. For example, if she decided to become a nun, her “new” name would most likely be something along the lines of Sister Mary Cecilia.
You should probably ask what role your husband is supposed to play as Godfather, because when I was growing up things were apparently different. My godmother and godfather were the ones responsible for making sure I was trained and confirmed in the catholic faith, and in fact I had to delay being confirmed until my godmother was available to “sponsor” me into the faith. (My godfather had perished, and the rules would have been different if both my godparents were deceased.)
If you’re able to find a necklace with a dove on it, that would be a perfectly cromulent Confirmation gift. Really, anything Holy Spirit themed would be great. The big thing is reminding her how much she is loved, both by God and by you. I think incorporating the Fruits of the Spirit from Galatians and how you see her living them would probably be a neat touch for a note too, but isn’t necessary.
I presume a nice white dress and a party have been taken care of already?
High five!
Ask your sister in law. In my community, giving gifts for confirmation would have been considered totally gauche.
Get her a copy of Not the Bible. I just hate the idea of children’s brains being stunted by religious faith.
Congrats for being the first to poop in the thread!
We gave our friend’s daughter, whose middle name is Cecelia, a stained-glass piece with a dove and a music thing (don’t remember, it was either a note or a clef) on it. It was about 2x2 square and meant to hang in a window. They seemed very pleased.
Allow a former good Catholic boy to fill in the gaps here.
A Confirmation happens during your teenage years (although possibly younger now) and is considered your first major adult decision in the church. You “confirm” in front of God and your church that you will pledge to be a good Catholic and yada yada yada. It is rather important and is considered a sacrement (big events in your Catholic churchgoing life). However, it is considered much less important than your Baptism or your First Communion, which are huge deal.
As godfather, your husband has no direct connection to the confirmation, but godparents are likely chosen as the confirmee’s “sponsor” during the ceremony. Basically someone to stand up with them and say “I will help this person stay a good Catholic throughout my life.” If all you got was an invitation, your husband is not the sponsor and doesn’t have to worry. As an aside, when my sister was confirmed, she picked our aunt who is Protestant and the aunt had to get a special letter from her church saying she was a member in good standing before the priest would allow her to be the sponsor.
Honestly, unless the niece and her family are hyper Catholic, a confirmation is not really a big deal. Yes, it’s a big churchy event, but it’s not on the level of First Communion. Any words you say will be fine. “Congratulations, we’re so proud of you” is perfect.
As for taking a new name, Catholics are supposed to pick a saint’s name with signifigance to them for the ceremony and then they never use it again. I picked Joseph and the priest called me Joseph during the ceremony and that was it.
Gifts depend entirely on the family. In my family, a confirmation would be the time you get your first nice piece of jewelry. Boys would get an Italian horn while girls would get a bracelet of some kind. Other family members would just give money. There’s no right or wrong confirmation gift.
Less socially relevant, less prone to getting its meaning lost in the social fluff (which for us consisted of two boxes of donuts) but I wouldn’t say less important. It is your first adult Sacrament, after all.
There’ve been a lot of good suggestions so far. We gave my oldest Catholic niece a pearl necklace (bought when she was a baby); each of our Jewish nieces received the same for their bat mitzvah.
Does your niece have any sort of charm bracelet? If so, a charm engraved with the date and her initials would be lovely. Perhaps a pretty ring with the date engraved inside (though that is iffy, size-wise; she’ll likely outgrow it at some point and that would require resizing, messing up the engraving).
You might not feel comfortable giving her something specifically-religious in nature as you don’t share her faith.
I think any small token would be fine. For my confirmation, I received a medal with my saint’s name (St. Elizabeth of Portugal) from my grandmother and a book of poetry (Maya Angelou) from my sponsor. I think that was it.
Since she loves music, maybe you could give her something music related? That could tie in with the “theme,” so to speak, rather well…
For my confirmation, I received a necklace with a small stylised dove pendant from my godmother, who was not able to be at the ceremony. Your husband shouldn’t worry too much about not being there. My sister-in-law sponsored me instead, as I recall. I think I also received a couple of other small items of that nature, and copies of books by/about my two confirmation saints, and some sort of picture. It wasn’t religious, and I’d say if you live a way away, sending a nice but conveniently non-weighty piece of art could be a way to go. She’s entering on adult life; appropriate to give her a beautiful reminder of the beautiful journey she’s on, and for it to be something she can take with her into her own home where her faith will grow, it may even become an heirloom for the children God gives her, etc.
I’d argue that if she’s writing a note talking about the importance and significance of the saint she’s chosen, she may be taking this quite seriously, and to belittle the first sacrament you actually make an adult decision to receive may not be helpful. It actually is quite a big deal. It’s not automatic; you choose when and whether to be confirmed, you take for yourself the baptismal vows which were previously taken on your behalf, and then you’re an adult and a full member of the church.
(I’ve tried to avoid sounding sarcastic. I am no longer a practising Catholic.)
I don’t think anyone has suggested we should belittle her confirmation. And if you’re referring to where I said some people don’t view the Confirmation as a big deal, that’s just how it was in my church. It was important sure, all the sacraments were, but it was clearly secondary to the big hairy deal that was First Communion.
Your church didn’t think it was that important? Huh. So why is it the only sacrament a lay person receives that has to be administered by a bishop? (Not being sarcastic, again. Don’t know what’s up with my typing this evening…)
Maybe belittled was the wrong word; I just meant that the OP seems genuinely not to know (hence the question, duh) and it might not be great if the girl’s taking it very seriously and her godfather and godfather’s wife don’t make a big deal of it.
IANA Catholic, but I just wanted to support this point. It’s your niece taking on more of the responsibility for her own spiritual and practical role in the Church and in the community. Something symbolic of this event, or of the continuation of the journey through life would i’m sure be very welcome. Other than that, something personal to her (especially if it’s to do with an adult hobby or new endeavour) would be a good idea, too.
I think a card with a nice note would be sufficient, but a small gift like a book or necklace would be a nice gesture. The family has known the date for weeks if not months, if you were expected to fuss over this then honestly you would have gotten more than 1 week’s notice. I think the idea of something music-themed sounds wonderful, I put some amount of thought into my confirmation name and I’d have loved it if someone picked up on that. It would be fine if you need an extra week or two to get a gift together, just acknowledge her note by Saturday.
If your husband talks to her on the phone then he can ask about her confirmation classes, or ask more about the life of St. Cecelia.
One gift that I’ve found absolutely perfect for this occasion is a nice hard bound cover of CS Lewis’ ‘Mere Christianity’. Put a nice little inscription in the front.
It is a wonderful, easy to read book with short chapters, long on logic and dispassionate discussion, interesting, fairly engaging, and absolutely at the reading level of your typical 11 year old or above. I read it for the first time myself before giving it to my niece as a confirmation gift – I loved it, she loved it, and we had a nice discussion about it too later on.
It’s not specifically Catholic, its concepts apply to the very very basic truths that are central to all Christians (this is where the title comes from). I highly recommend it; a wonderful addition to a kid’s book collection that they can keep their whole lives.