No, it really won’t, unless in her case it’s a form of manipulation.
Definitely doesn’t make you a monster, but the dinner was apparently only “good” in your opinion.
I think this pretty much sums it up.
Good move.
The well-being of the child is paramount. One aspect of said well-being is adequate nutrition. An 8 year old is not up to the responsibility of selecting a reasonably balanced diet. The particular child we’re referring to has no meat and no non-starch vegetables on her favorites list (post #64). While I realize it’s not an urgent situation, there can be long-term effects to her current diet, and I think it’s reasonable for her parents to direct her to a wider variety of foods.
Another aspect of a child’s well-being is learning that she can’t always get her way. I’m not at all an “iron-hand” devotee, but parents do have a responsibility to set limits, and children are well served to learn to cope with certain disappointments. Maintaining the upper hand isn’t the point, but exercising guidance is necessary, and sometimes that requires maintaining the upper hand.
I agree that children should not be forced to eat. I think Rick’s suggestion above (post #89) is reasonable: provide balanced meals that include some foods that appeal to the child, and do not offer options. Let hunger provide the incentive to eat. When she’s 18, she can totally control her diet. Until then, her parents have some responsibility in that area.
I don’t consider wanting to wash seal oil off of your body before going caribou hunting to be the same type of food taboo as not eating large groups of food. I wouldn’t consider the Inuit to have been picky eaters, with the incredible scarcity of food they dealt with in the Arctic.
And to some of us, foods like broccoli are the death metal of food.
This thread got me wondering if food pickiness is as common in a homogenous culture as it is in the USA. It seems to me that in a homogenous culture, there are certain kinds of food that everybody eats, because that’s what’s available, and as a group they grow accustomed to eating those things. But in an incredibly multi-cultural, diverse place like the United States, the “American cuisine” is a jumble of foods from a huge variety of sources. It’s likely that an American kid whose ancestry is mostly Scandinavian might not have the genes that predispose him to enjoy the spaghetti and meatballs that is now pretty much a core “American” food. Or a kid whose ancestors came from a landlocked country isn’t going to be built to enjoy a lot of seafood.
The issue of food flavor is one that interests me. I have a hypothesis (and I’d love to find some actual research on this) that the whole purpose of flavor is to mark foods with certain nutrients so that when our bodies are deficient in a particular nutrient, we naturally know what to eat. For example, if you’re suffering from potassium deficiency, your body sends a signal that makes you crave a banana. That leads me to think that perhaps some people dislike certain foods because, for whatever reason, their bodies don’t require a large amount of the nutrients in that particular food. Kids love and crave meat and pasta? Well, aren’t kids growing at a rapid rate? And aren’t they full of energy? Then what better than a good dose of protein and carbohydrates? They growing bodies crave these things!
So you’re saying my overwhelming desire for a glass or two of wine every night is because I’m missing some nutrient found in wine? I like this theory! 
Amen to this. I also loathe the taste of green peppers or any pepper, come to that (except black pepper on food–and I only recently came to like that).
I think that there is a range of pickiness–I was not as picky as some here as a kid–although the veggies I would eat were only corn or green beans, and I ate no fruit. I still don’t like fruit, really. I like grapes and oranges–strange how my mother NEVER bought them when I was growing up. Seriously, we had apples, peaches,apples, pears, more apples, but no citrus at all, and no grapes. (I hate apples, apple pie, apple tart, apple sauce, apple dumpling, baked apples, apple juice–I will retch on all of them). No, I have no Freudian issue–I dislike the texture of it in my mouth, and the flavor is not enough to counteract that. I am not fond of bananas, but like banana bread.
I found that after I had left home (and the crazy controlling nonsense that went on–me facing stone cold okra on many a summer noc; vomitting after being made to eat a plum; being teased by siblings about my eating habits–it took me years to figure out that they were just as finicky, but as the youngest, I got the onus.)-anyway-after I had left home, I found many foods I liked that just weren’t on the menu when I was younger.
I also swore I wouldn’t do that to my kids–and the first 2, I am proud to say I didn’t. The oldest is a vegetarian and loves to cook. The second one shares my loathing of all condiments, but other than that, he eats everything. My youngest suffers from a mom back at work and battle fatigue–and he is my pickiest eater. But even he does all right. Alot of it is approach and nonchalance. But we don’t delve into the merits of the dishes provided–a compliment to the cook is enough.
I hear you on the bitterness of some foods–I cannot stomach walnuts alone, but find that they cut the sweetness nicely in choc chip cookies.
I eat lots of things–calamari, edamama, I tried pig’s feet in Paris (don’t bother-fatty, greasy almost meatless). I like romaine lettuce, and radicchio–I don’t like other types of greens, really. I only like onions if finely diced–again, it’s a texture thing.
I just don’t make a big to do about what I eat. I am most emphatically NOT a “foodie” and refuse to feel disabled or handicapped because I don’t lust after something that is a transient experience. One could say the same of sex, I suppose, but good sex, with a stable partner adds depth to a relationship. Yes, a meal shared can too–but to me it is the sharing --NOT the meal itself that is significant. I don’t equate a meal with a trip to a museum or the theatre in the least. The first two feed the soul–the meal feeds my body (and yes, somewhat my spirit, but my spirit doesn’t need the pomposity of nouvelle cuisine–it wants simple, well prepared peasant food).
YMMV. But why am I the Philistine and those here who are “foodies” the good guys? 
I don’t get that. I dont’ think less of people because they don’t share my love of gardening or reading…
Well, what did you expect? Seriously, it was a pretty ridiculous comment to make. Just as some people’s sensibilities are apparently offended by people whose lives don’t revolve around food, some people are offended when you imply that we’re somehow enjoying life less than you are because we don’t eat certain foods. Frankly, it comes off as shallow and petty.
You are reading WAY more into my comments than what was intended.
I never said I or anyone else was “offended.” Sorry I come off as “shallow and petty” because I have an interest that I enjoy so much that it’s hard to get my head around not enjoying it. Note that I never said that I felt my position was superior to anyone else’s, nor did I advocate being rude or even trying to change someone’s mind about their food choices.
I was simply stating that in this issue, people on both sides have a hard time understanding the other side’s point. Your reaction pretty much proves the point.
Do you not have any hobbies or interests that you like so much that you have a hard time understanding why other people don’t like it?
I’m trying to make the same point that you are. My problem was with the wheelchair comment. I’m also sick of the “your reaction proves my point” bull. Your reaction proves my point as well.
I understand your meaning and don’t think you’re shallow or petty. But, as I asked even seven, can you really not fathom someone not sharing your love of food? I guess the puzzler here is why does *food * take on such importance as far as differing personal preferences. Is it just as inconceivable to you when you hear someone say that they don’t care for the beach, or violin music or whatever? You’re not the only one who has express how hard it is for you to “wrap your head around the idea” so I’m just wondering why that is.
As little importance as I attach to the enjoyment of food, I have no problem understanding why others feel just the opposite.
I don’t know why the food thing is so hard to really understand. Like you point out - there’s a lot of things I’m interested in that other people aren’t, and I don’t have the same problem.
I think it has something to do with eating/food being something that everyone is exposed to every day. We have to eat in order to live, there’s not much debate about that. Given that, the thing I have a hard time getting my head around is why someone wouldn’t want to take joy in the activity and maximize their pleasure in it.
But even that doesn’t hold up. We all have to wear clothes every day, and I have no problem understanding that some people really love clothes and spend a lot of time and money buying clothes and take great pleasure in wearing them, whereas others (like me) would just as soon wear sweats and a t-shirt every day.
I guess I’m just wired to like food a whole lot, and to look down on people like yellowval with disdain and disregard because they don’t. (it’s a JOKE! a JOKE! I do not in any way look down on yellowval, his/her outlook on life or his/her food choices.)
A better analogy would be someone saying that they don’t like sunshine or music in general. And someone disliking common food items is like someone saying they have an aversion to certain instruments - they don’t like any music with piano in it - or saying they prefer not to view certain colors.
Well, I really like clothes. A lot. I mean, how could you not? 
But all that maximizing takes time and attention, and a decent amount of cash-it’s alot of work. Yep, you can eat well on pennies a day, supposedly, but alot of us don’t want to work that hard at getting 3 squares a day.
But to be trendy or “fashionable” also takes money, time and attention–and frankly, alot of “in” clothes or shoes are plain uncomfortable. I tend to not understand the clothes horses because they seem to fall victim to every whim of fashion. I don’t look down on them (much)…I guess what I’m trying to say is that any interest taken to an extreme is offputting for me. I can be glad for you etc, but I don’t enter into the intensity of it.
I do have to agree that some picky eaters can be offputting as well–but IMO they’re doing it for attention (that MIL upthread comes to mind), but most of us just want to enjoy your company and not go home nauseated. Not much to ask, really…
Yes, yes, yes. This is exactly it. Sharing food and enjoying food is the most basic form of making human connexions. For those of you who can’t or won’t take part in this, well, it’s your life, but you will be considered bad company. Those few friends of mine who didn’t grow out of their food pickiness – well, they just get invited to fewer and fewer social gatherings. You don’t want to break bread with us = you aren’t interested in our community.
And for those of you who would prefer food pills, I gotta say, that has got to be some kind of pathology.
The goodness is assumed? Assumed? That’s insane. Of course it isn’t. Every eating experience is different.
I honestly don’t get the fuss over picky eaters. I’m not really picky-I was as a child, but I grew out of it.
But, if someone doesn’t want to eat a certain food at the table? Woohoo, more for me! We can talk and eat what we EACH like, and that’s fine. Why act so offended? Why feel sorry for them-it’s their mouth. When it’s going into YOUR mouth, then you get to complain.
Dated him? Hell, I married him. 
RickQ and I are ridiculously happy, except when it comes to food. It is the only thing we fight about. I am a very adventourous eater and have only one or two real dislikes–raw onions, green peppers, and eggplant. Other than that, bring it on. My husband, on the other hand, is the pickiest eater I know–he will eat any sort of meat (as long as it doesn’t have sauce on it), but other than that, he eats only chocolate, bread, potatoes, pasta, rice, turnips (go figure!), nuts, and carrots. Really. I never even knew there were people on the planet who could go a restaurant and not find anything to eat until we met. At most restaurants, I would be perfectly happy with pretty much anything on the menu, so to not find anything he will eat boggles the mind.
It is a pain, for all the reasons mentioned above. We are a little limited in choosing restaurants, although most places have either steak or chicken and fries. I have had to learn to cook around his preferences (usually I make two versions–for example, his chicken pot pie gets only carrots and potatoes, mine gets mushrooms, peas, etc). The bigger problem is what Athena has pointed out–I just can’t wrap my brain around being that picky. It feels wrong and rude to me to not eat what you are offered. I try, but it is hard, because it is not the way I think or react. Meanwhile, Rick would like to be less picky, but just can’t seem to get himself to like different foods. He envies me my ability to like lots of things.
I think his pickiness stems from being a super-taster, as well as some motherly indulgence. His brother is equally picky, and his mother is pretty picky, too. I know she catered to their tastes quite a bit.
Let’s see, we’re not only bad company, but immature, soon-to-be-wallflowers and now, pathological. This would be insulting if it wasn’t so over the top as to be funny.
The sanctity of “THE SHARING OF THE FOOD” as a theory has not actually been proven, and is holding less and less water. It makes sense in the context of ancient man, but not so much now. The number of people who don’t hold that view indicates as much.
Referring to “pickiness” as something to be “outgrown” is as arrogant as hell, but luckily you’ll be inviting me to fewer and fewer social gatherings so you won’t be subjected to my pathology and I won’t have to suffer your elitist attitude.
From knowing my husband, I understand why you are feeling defensive. From the other side, though, it is hard to put in words, exactly, but it just feels awful when someone turns down something as emotionally-charged as food. I know families go nuts when terminally ill folks stop eating. A baby who won’t eat scares us. There is just something primal about the offering of food and the refusal of it. At least that is how it feels to me.
This sounds about right to me. I don’t have kids myself, but I see my brother and his wife starting to go through struggles with my nephew. As a baby, he happily ate almost everything he was given, which was amazing. As a 5-year-old, he’s strated to show some pickiness. My sister-in-law’s inclination is to start a struggle – “sit there and eat it!” To me that seems completely unproductive. If he doesn’t want to eat it, then just let him be hungry. No struggles, no yelling, no insisting.
(Of course, there’s a snag. There’s a neighbour who will give the kid anything he asks for. So after skipping lunch, he can go next door and demand cake and cookies. Problem. They’ve tried asking the neighbour not to give him those things, but he says “No, he’s a boy! He should get whatever he asks for!” Eh … what?)
[quoteThe only food issue I can recall either of my kids having is my son hated tomatoes. With a passion. Wouldn’t touch them. No problem, you can eat your salad without them. Leave them in the bowl when you dish your salad. (He did) Got to the point we started calling tomatoes the dreaded T vegetable around casa de Rick. Was his not eating tomatoes a problem? No, not really, as he ate everything else.* Now that he has grown up, he cooks with tomatoes, will eat them in sauce, and will even sometimes have them in a salad, but they still aren’t his favorite.[/quote]
I was also a bit of a picky eater as a child and tomatoes was one of my hangups. But I loved anything made from or with tomatoes. Even now, I prefer not to eat pieces of plain, raw tomato. It doesn’t gross me out or anything, but I just don’t like it. And every once in a while, I’ll take a bite, just to see if I’ve grown out of it yet. No, not yet. I do enjoy bruschetta, though, which is mostly raw tomato.
I don’t think this is really what we’re talking about. Nearly everyone doesn’t like some food. Like with me and tomatoes (and many fruits). But we’re talking about people for whom every social occasion becomes a question of “Well, what’s he going to eat?” Once you’re an adult, people shouldn’t have to think of you in those terms.