What happens when the hair bands lose their hair?


What, we’re gonna have a hair band revival concert tour with a bunch of bald guys?

I’m pretty convinced the dude in Quiet Riot now has a poodle surgically attached to his scalp. It’s a frightening thing.

I think they’re called Nair Bands. :smiley:


(OK, you didn’t have to pull my hair THAT hard!)

Umm, you actually think that the hair they have now is real???

Well, when hair bands lose their hair, the hair band falls off, most likely into a nasty puddle of water. :frowning:

Oh, I See.

I suppose they get wigs, or hair transplants or whatever it was that Elton John did. Not I am not suggesting he is a hair band, just a famously previously bald person.

Another slightly more respectable option is to do what Brett Michaels of Poison does: never go out in public without a hat or bandana on. Check out this Google Image Search if you don’t believe me. It’s great.

Hmmm. Looks mighty suspicious.

Axl Rose is using the same approach, I’m guessing.

I submit Exhibit A


Same thing that happens to thouroughbreds when they get too old to race.

They get turned into glue.

They shave their heads and become skinheads, that’s what they do.

Exhibit A: Geoff Tate (Queensryche)
before - after

I was gonna mention Geoff Tate. Is it a coincidence Queensrÿche started sucking immediately after Tate cut his hair, circa 1996? Promised Land was a great album, everything since has sucked. I last saw them 3 years ago, and they were blown away by the opening act, The Tea Party.

Queensryche still makes albums?

The last song I remember by them was Silent Lucidity. What year was that, '90, '91?

  1. Yes, they still perform and record. As said, the last good album was Promised Land, which came out in 1994. Obviously, Operation: Mindcrime (1990) was their piece de résistance.

What happens when the hair bands lose their hair? They start to suck, for one. Metallica is a prime example. Once they lost the hair and released increasingly bad albums, starting with Load and declining even further into the abyss of suckitude with the abominable St. Anger, they’ve just turned to complete shit. I consider the cutting of a hair band’s hair to be a “jump the shark” type moment for such bands.

I went to the Deep Purpl/ Dio/Scorpions concert a couple of years ago. Pretty much every member of the Scorpions still had long hair in the back but they all wore baseball caps. So, they either deliberately decided to look ridiculous for no reason or they decided to look ridiculous because they were losing their hair.

Yeah, the Scorpions were all balding when I saw them in 1982 with Ritchie Blackmore’s Rainbow. But ten years later, when I saw them on tour with Great White & Mr. Big, Klaus Meine was wearing a full biker outfit with a large black leather hat, Matthias Jabs was wearing a baseball cap, and Rudy Schenker had a full, blond perm that obviously came from Sy Sperling’s Herr Klub for Men!

What happens when the hair bands lose their hair?

They become head bands.


Originally posted by astorian
Yeah, the Scorpions were all balding when I saw them in 1982 with Ritchie Blackmore’s Rainbow.


That must have been a great show. At least Blackmore’s kept all his hair (if not his grip on reality.)

I’m not against hairlessness per se, I just doubt the ability of some of these guys to go bald gracefully. The poofy hairsprayed monster-do was as much a part of the act as the leather, studs, spandex, and…oh yeah, the music!

Lots of rock stars can sport chrome domes without shame if they like, even some of the most blatant crotch-rockers, but these guys kind of sold themselves on the whole weirdly androgynous hairspray-and-makeup-coated satanic-bondage-clown outfit. Without the hair, I’m not sure I could take them…er, well not seriously, because I never did, but…erm…it just wouldn’t be right, y’know?

Having said that, Metallica is a band I figured could rock into baldness and beyond. It’s painful to witness their fall, coinciding ominously with the loss of locks. Lars Ulrich and James Hetfield were just scary-looking anyway, and they never seemed to try to capitalize on that weird sexmonkey image the hairbangers made their stock and trade. But the Sampson effect has definitely taken its toll.

Let me get this straight. The OP and most of the latter posters have never heard of “hair weaves.” Do I have this right?

Well, here’s the deal:

There’s a lovely little set of before and after pics on this page.

The Kevin Dubrow we see on the left side looks a like a typical rocker with thinning hair. The mutant on the right side looks like somebody made some hideous genetic hybrid of a black standard poodle and foliose seaweed, then grafted the monstrous creation onto the top of man’s head.

If this is “what happens”, if this is the best that cosmetic science can contrive, I fear the Hair Band era is headed for an ugly, alopecious flameout, if it hasn’t happened already.

Now, I know Ronnie James Dio has never been a “hair band” type but by the mid-eighties it was apparent that his hair was going the way of the dinosaur.

Then in about eighty-seven or therabouts, I found a picture of him in a pinup magazine and paged right past it because I didn’t recognize him (I had actually bough the mag because I wanted a pic of RJD to pin on my wall next to Ritchie Blackmore. I was a big Blackmore’s Rainbow fan, not to be confused with post-Dio incarnations). I had to flip through the dam mag about three times before I found the picture, and when I finally realized it was him, thought, “Oh, my God, he went out and bought himself some hair.” It was amazing the difference it made. I asked a friend of mine’s girlfriend, who was a reporter for a smallish regionally distributed rock magazine what was up with the hair, and she told me Ronnie James had gotten a weave. Next time I looked at the picture, very careful scrutiny revealed where the weave was woven into his real hair, but on first glance, you would never know it wasn’t natural.