What I learned this weekend

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

While showshoeing, if you come to a spot where the trail ends but the GPS shows another trail about a half mile away, and you want to bushwhack through what turns out to be a horribly thick, twisted thicket of trees, streams, and weeds, telling your husband “It’ll be like Sam and Frodo trying to get through Mordor!” is not the most effective way to encourage him.

Also, before bushwhacking through horribly twisted thickets of trees, streams, and weeds, make sure you brought spare batteries for the GPS.

Lastly, when bushwhacking through horribly twisted thickets of trees, streams, and weeds towards another trail a half mile away, verify on the GPS that the trail is truly a trail, and not a river.

That’s all.

2

I learned to cut bigger eyeholes in my demon mask so when I leap out at kids from the shower to scare them and spray them with Silly String I won’t trip and fall on my ass looking like a clumsy monster.

3

I learned that eggnog appeals to only a fraction of the population, as does vanilla-flavored vodka. Combining the two, well, I think I may be the only person in the nation that appreciates the mixture.

I also learned that trying to drive on your flat tire to the auto center completely destroys the tire, whereas putting the spare on takes maybe 10 minutes, tops.

Finally, I learned that spending $200 on two new tires would generally get me in a real foul mood, but when I have good friends that I can turn to during this holiday season, the bad mood is replaced by one of thanks…

4

I learned that if you arrange them “just so”, four presents under the tree can look like a lot. (We already had Christmas with the family and Princess got most of her stuff then, and so these 4 are the leavings from Santa.)

Had quite the adventure, eh Athena?

5

I learned that people aren’t always who they pretend to be.

6

This sounds like it deserves an explanation.

7

I learned that cutting Plexiglass[sup]TM[/sup] on a table saw throws shards everywhere. And stinks.

8

-I learned that it is possible to have fun with coworkers. As long as there is some alcohol involved.

-I also learned that if a coworker, or anyone comes up to you, lights a drink on a fire, and slams it in front of you that you might want to ask what it is before you pound it. I also learned that after an assortment of alcoholic beverages Bacardi 151 doesn’t go down so smoothly, and you might turn into an idiot.

9

I learned – well, let’s just say we were both naked when I learned it, and I enjoyed learning it, and leave it at that.

10

I learned that the pre-packed gnocchi does NOT serve 4 people.

Unless they are anorexics.

11

I’ve learned that leaving cut or uncut homesote board in your garage for an indefinate time can help it absorb odors of the unpleasant kind.

And when you install it into your ventless office, on hotter days, it smells much like dog poo on the bottom of your shoe in small amounts.

And the interesting thing is that our dog hasn’t pooed in the garage in years.

12

I learned that my boss really loves. Especially if he has a few drinks in him first. I love office Christmas parties.

13

I learned that picking out caskets is more involved than I thought. There are subtle details that one doesn’t think about until one is in the showroom.

14

I learned that the woman on the late night answering service for my doctor’s office only knows the hours the clinic is open.

That’s it. That’s the entirety of the information she has. She has no contact numbers. She has no ability to connect you with anyone (say, a triage nurse or emergency on-call doctor.) She cannot direct you to a phone number that has that sort of information. She can’t direct you to a local listing that might have the information. She cannot make an appointment for you with the clinic. All she knows is that the clinic doesn’t open until 8am. She also can’t take messages. She can swear and hang up on you. She’s rather good at that.

This makes her extremely less useful than the automatic voice messaging service that (a) has more information (and tells you the clinic hours), (b) can take messages, and © doesn’t swear at customers.

I further learned that every number on the web to my clinic, to the connected clinics, and to anything remotely associated with the clinic system (no matter what the title, number, or phone system says) leads to her.

I also became much more aware that my insurance sucks - but that wasn’t technically new information.

15

I also learned that people aren’t who they pretend to be.
I learned that “steak…” is a funny answer to a question.
I learned where Lenny Loosejocks Solitaire is on the web.

16

I learned that when you double your recipe for Potatoes Queen Anne, it takes a little extra cooking time.

I re-learned how good it feels to lie around doing nothing on a Sunday afternoon (it’s been a while).

17

I learned that a $19.00 digital camera from WalMart is a great bargain. The doesn’t work for s__t, but the translated-from-japanese instructions are worth the price.

(Actual quote: “When user is affecting camera is full…” And on the last page of the instruction book, all by itself: “Warning, this option is not installed.”)

18

Oops, meant the say: “The camera doesn’t work for…”

pullin

19

I learned that if your bathroom has a leak that requires extensive retiling to repair, you can’t get a contractor to even look at it in less than 6 weeks.

20

I learned that judicious rationing of a 32-oz diet Coke (along with a pre-movie potty visit) will enable one to sit through ROTK without having to run out to the bathroom.