I just squished a spider (hey, it was him or me!) and it got me to thinking.
Accept this hypothetical. Say that for whatever reason, every spider in the world decided that I had to die and they were coming for me right now. Every spider in the world knows exactly where I am at all times and they immediately head in my direction to try and take me out, even the non poisonous ones who presumably will try to smother me through weight of numbers.
What should I do? How will I survive this? Do I even want to considering I might have to live the rest of my life with a flood of spiders constantly chasing me?
If all the spiders in the world are after you, and they’re working together and are prepared to sacrifice themselves to get you, there’s probably almost no way to construct defences against them - if you put yourself in a mesh cage, they could overwhelm and smother the mesh, suffocating you.
I would strongly consider getting on a boat and heading out to the middle of the ocean somewhere. Supply boats can keep you restocked but you’ll have to try to trick the spiders so they never know which boat is on its way to restock your food and water supplies.
The South Pole is also not a bad idea, but again you have the same resupply issues. Just how smart are these buggers? If they know exactly where you are at all times, they’re going to know you need supplies so they’re going to be able to infest every supply ship possible to get to you, right?
I don’t think you have a chance any other way. Maybe if you could convince the president to let you on Air Force One, they could keep you in the air in a sealed fuselage indefinitely (I believe AFO can refuel in midair).
When the question occurred to me I was thinking that they just had an instinctual urge to kill me, rather than any logical plan, so I don’t really see them waiting for a boat to come along. They are still just spiders, rather than super smart spiders.
How strong is the urge? If they aren’t smart, then a lot of them would die on the migration from Europe/Asia/Africa/Australia trying to get to the U.S. (Presuming you’re an USAian…)
What’s really scary is that you could be defining an evolutionary drive. The ones who don’t get you won’t have offspring. They’ll end up getting tougher…
2 house boats. One of those beekeeper outfits. Have your crew stock one up with food while you keep the little buggers occupied in your mesh covered boat, floating in the middle of a lake. Periodically abandon one mesh-sealed boat for another. Choose a lake with docks on opposing sides of it. Maybe drive somewhere else when the bioregion gets too crowded.
Humans move faster than spiders. At least if they are running or in a moving vehicle.
Also, I think bucketybuck could secure full support from the housefly lobby.
You’re screwed. Don’t worry about the rest of your life, you don’t have much of it left. Just sit down, put your head between your legs and kiss your arse goodbye.
So the least you can do is make it entertaining for everyone else. I suggest move from Ireland to London so we can all watch the updates on TV as a blanket of spiders slowly smothers London as the close in on you from all sides.
