There's a spider on your bed, but no tissue. You have a $5 bill, though.

Whaddaya gonna do, tough guy?

I’ll find him later.

(I wanted to vote, “Squish him with the fiver, and then wash it.” But that’s arguing with the premise of the poll.)

No way in billy fucking hell I’m going near that eight legged devil of the apocalypse with my fingers. I’ll stick 'em in boiling water first.

Squish him with the bill, then spend it with the messy side down.

find your wallet and put the money in it. when you get back the spider will be gone or at least on the spouse’s side of the bed.

Where’s the ‘other’ choice? :slight_smile:

I’d scoop the spider up with the bill, then fling it (the spider only) out the window. If something gets a little squished, no problem; our bills are now made of plastic, so they just wash off anyways…

I don’t kill spiders. There’s some oddball Eastern European superstition where killing spiders is bad luck and, even though I’m not superstitious, I like following some quirky traditions, so I don’t kill spiders. If there is a god, and it turns out to be a spider, I’m in luck.

Urgently reassess my pricing policy.

It’s his bed now. I’ll be on the couch.

I don’t intentionally kill spiders either, unless a hysterical person demands I do.

I don’t kill spiders. I carry it outside in a yogurt container or cup, or if it’s little and not poisonous, just flick it off the bed.

I would probably just flick the sheet or blanket and fling the little guy across the room. I’m not really worried about spiders unless they are poisonous.

Let him hold onto the fiver and shake him off outside. Live and let live. Besides, he eats flies. :slight_smile:

Choke myself to death by swallowing the bill.

I’ll go find the penalty jar. The spider will spend time in it until I get round to putting it outside.

If it’s a ‘daddy long-legs’, I’ll just catch it and take it out.

Yeah, but that doesn’t do anything about the spider.

Use the $5 bill…to pay my wife to kill it.

I wouldn’t mind picking it up with my fingers unless it were a brown recluse.

I used to live in a region where giant spiders were common.

I’d like to say squish it with my fingers, but I’d probably jump off the bed in a fit of terror, spend 5 minutes staring at it and contemplating whether all life is precious or if I’m morally allowed to kill it, decide I’m not, wander around the room another 5 minutes trying to find an empty water glass and piece of paper, approach spider like it’s a lion, catch it, freak out, and throw said glass out the window.
I’m not proud.

Use the $5 bill, to buy more treats for the cats to reward them for doing their job of dealing with crawly things! Here, kitty kitty!

Squish it. But I’d really call my dog over who’d go nuts over it and gobble the poor thing up. She finds tiny bugs on the ceilings and comes to get us to swat them down for her to eat.