What about classifying the One Ring as a weapon? A weapon of potential mass destruction?
[Sauron]
I want my kidney back, kidney back, kidney back …
[/Sauron]
Heh. Thanks, pravnik. I am not a lawyer, and when I wrote post #8, I hoped someone would pick up my idea and run with it.
I see that my idea wasn’t really all that original after all.
Sauron could prove that he was not dead when the ring from his hand at the end of the second age, by appearing alive (more or less), in court, at the trial in the third age, in Sauron v. Baggins. “If I was killed, how can I be here now, over 2900 years later? Being dead seems to imply that I cannot witness, much less affect, events in ME after said death. Therefore, I was not dead. Just rendered unconcious.”
Of course, having these very powerful beings in court can lead to some interesting events:
“Your Honor, I object. The litigant is attempting to exert undue influence on the witness. Again. The litigant has been repeatedly admonished vis-a-vis his intimidation tactics in this matter. If it please the court, the defence would like to request that the litigant be instructed to close, shutter, hood, or otherwise direct his burning eye elsewhere.”
:eek:!!!
That was one of my favorties, too. 
Just for laughs (well, and ego-stroking), I did a fast google of “Lord of the Rings by Ayn Rand” to see who liked my attempt, and of the two or three who did, none of them name me.
Bastards, taking my noble individual effort and twisting it to their crude second-hander ends…
Of course, when I say soon … that lazy bloody author finally got around to typing up his 20 year old script.
Ladies and Gentlehobbits, I present the complete, unexpurgated, unabridged, unBowdlerised text of drumroll ***Sauron, the Musical ***
For some reason, I keep thinking about the evidence issues.
Assuming this is a trial around or after the time of the War of The Ring, then I think it will be difficult to support the claim that Smeagol did in fact commit a crime to gain possession of the ring.
Even Gandalf admits that Smeagol was never convicted of Deagol’s murder in a court of law. In fact, it’s not clear if any records survive indicating that Deagol actually existed at all, let alone that a murder was committed. Our knowledge of Smeagol’s alleged crime is based completely on Gandalf’s testimony about Smeagol’s confession. There are plenty of questions here: whether Gandalf’s story is hearsay, Gandalf’s reliability as a witness, whether a forced confession is admissible (remember, he was kidnapped by someone who, if they had any arrest authority at all, certainly didn’t have it for the location where Smeagol was unlawfully detained), and most importantly the reliability of a ‘confession’ by a person with clear mental and physical health issues.
Given that Sauron is a Maia or comparable, and has a natural lifespan that’s longer than even the Elves, I consider “statue of limitations” to not be a factor in this case.
Also… that musical is just a bit twisted. I wish I’d been there when they performed it.
Mental issues that are likely caused (we’ll need expert witnesses again here) by the item in question. Are there cases in the literature–:)–where someone has successfully claimed temporary insanity because of an outside physical influence, say, heavy metal poisoning or similar?
I am no doubt mistaken, but Elendil, Gil Galed et al were at war with Sauron when he lost the ring and did Isildur not take the ring as a form of war reparations? If that is the case does Sauron even have a claim to the ring?
Is there any possibility that the Ring is a sentient life-form, possibly Sauron’s heir? If it is, this seems like a case of home invasion (Bilbo invading Gollum’s home), kidnapping (Bilbo, of the ring), accessories to kidnapping after the fact (Frodo, Gandalf, others), a conspiracy to commit homicide (the Fellowship of the Ring), and homicide (throwing the Ring into Mount Doom).
However, the kidnapping charge is equivocal: It is certainly possible, even likely, that the Ring wanted to leave Gollum and chose the most likely avenue of escape from Gollum’s home. In that case, even the home invasion charge may not stick: The Ring likely lured Bilbo into Gollum’s home to effect its own escape. Opposing council would be able to argue against all of these theories, but they cannot be dismissed out of hand.
That leaves the homicide and the conspiracy thereto. The best way to defend against this is to argue that the Ring, by its very nature, was a threat to all existence directly (deleterious physical effects and mental control and derangement), indirectly (calling down the Dark Riders), and via Sauron using it to effect a totalitarian state. Due to its ability to call people at a distance, and the attractive nature of its calls, mere imprisonment wasn’t an option: It had to be killed or else it would break jail and once again be a clear menace to all societies. Therefore, Frodo and the rest of the Fellowship were acting in self-defense.
That doesn’t protect them from a wrongful death lawsuit. I hear Sauron hired away many of IBM’s former legal team, and his estate might have a few bones to pick.
Legal nitpick: Since Sauron infused the One Ring with his own life-force, the relevant charges would probably be Maiacide. (Homicide, strictly speaking, is killing Humans.)
Well if it is Maiacide then only one court would hold jurisdiction. That of the Valar themselves at the Hall of Mandos.
So this entire case should be dismissed.
Frodo, Bilbo & Gandalf are already there to answer for their defense, there should be no problem of extraditing the defendants.
Boromir, and his father, the Steward of Gondor; insanity pleas, viable or not?