Dogzilla, thank you for sharing, that must have been incredibly hard.
If my church betrayed me like that I think I’d kill myself. I figure you probably aren’t a member of that denomination anymore, but I hope you could find peace elsewhere. I find it almost impossible to understand your church blaming you, the victim, but I know it happens.
I left one Christian denomination because when I went to the pastor about my marital troubles, and how my husband and I were considering divorce, he informed me that “only adultery on the part of a spouse is a valid reason for divorce.” No words of comfort, no offer to pray about it, just a bald statement of church law. I found happiness in another denomination later on.
This situation is not something I’d ever given any serious thought to, but I would probably start beating the son if he was older than, say, 10. Someone might have to pull me off him.
Just as a cultural reference point…In the bible, David ultimately refused to kill or punish his son Amnon who raped Tamar, David’s daughter and Amnon’s half-sister. David’s son Absalom took vengeance upon Amnon and killed him and (IMHO) not forgiving his father’s inaction, tried to overthrow him. Absalom, however, was killed.
These tragedies have haunted humanity since the outset and are reflected in our collective myths.
I don’t think I could say with any real certainty what I’d do if such a thing were to ever happen. I suppose it would depend on ages of both parties somewhat. I might be tempted to let my daughter make the decision about how to handle it. But again, it would depend on the ages, how much violence was involved and so on.
Counseling would be in order for all of us though, I would expect.
Well, these are the sorts of hypotheticals that make me wonder if I should have children of my own. But I suppose in that unlikely event I might take the Farin approach. If he raped her, i.e. wilfully violated her consent (through force, threat, trickery, etc.) then I’d just have no choice but to turn him in. If it was some sort of terrible misadventure with no true perpetrator, then intensive therapy for everybody and maybe intervention for the elements of the misadventure itself.
Meanwhile I’d probably be having my MD write me a heap of anxiety medication prescriptions.
I am almost shocked out of all these responses only one person admits to having any personnal experience with this. I know tons of cases of brothers molesting thir sibling and would have taken it further if they could have I also know of several cases where the brother did force himself on his sister. I only heard one side of all these stories for what that is worth. I know of no cases where the father was informed it was always the mother who pulled the brother aside and then never brought it up again. Most cases father was no longer around.
The impression I got was that it usually happens when the boys are around 14 or 15, it often happens only once. I never heard of any where counseling was sought until the girl grew up and got into treatment for drugs or alchohol. Most of the time it is swept under the rug like so many family horrors are.
A few years back such a case made the papers here…
Basic facts (as I recall them)
Brother was around 17 or 18,
Sister was 13-15
They shared a room
Brother watching porn on computer for extended period
Decided that watching not good enough, wanted to get off whether sister wanted it or not.
Mother knew and covered it up for more than 2 years
Mother never faced charges for the cover up
When the case came to light through other means, brother was prosecuted
I reported once such a crime (half-brother/half sister) to the police. I didn’t know the youths personally, though. Neither parent had much interest in their daughter (she was 17, IIRC), for reasons I forgot.
I know of one case- older teen brother persuading younger sisters (I think 8 & 10) to fondle & suck him & to let him fondle them. I never really knew the older of the sisters but the younger was my friend since college and dealt with it through a mix of becoming a counseling psychologist, experimenting with drugs, a series of dysfunctional sexual relationships with both genders, and dying from a drinking problem that blew out her liver a couple of years before reaching age 50. In this case when the parents found out, the father beat the brother & thought that put an end to it. IIRC, it didn’t immediately & may have occurred again without protest from my friend, which just added to her feelings of guilt. For the rest of her life, when discussing her drinking & bad relationships, she would blame that event & refuse any further counseling after the initial counseling she sought in college, in spite of several hospital stays for alcohol poisoning.
So what would I do? If the son was not mentally impaired or had been molested himself, but it was a willful act of violating her, I’d be pretty close to disowning him & wishing I could kill him while doing everything I could for her healing. (And if SHE somehow decided to forgive him without OK’ing or enablement & wanting me to reconcile with him, I would try to defer to her if I thought it would really help her.)
Do tyou have a child. I’ve a hard time believing that parents could so easily disown, let alone murder their own son, regardless of what he did (barring, maybe, murdering another of their children).
Same question for other posters who expressed similar opinions, like Alessan.
I’d be wanting to know where had the boy learned that. Had he been raped/sexually abused?
Counseling to all and sundry for starters; the police/social services get involved but one of the things I want to know is what I already said… where had the boy learned that? My own Grandfather from Hell was sexually abused with the consent and connivance of his mother, who benefitted from it; when I call him a son of a bitch it’s not my great-grandmother that I’m insulting, it’s female dogs.
The last two people executed in my country were a pair of teenaged half-siblings, for incest. They may also have been mentally impaired in some way, although it’s hard to tell form the sources (this was back in the 1300’s). So that’s one way to deal with it.
There was another case of sibling incest back in the sixties, that came to light because it resulted in a daughter. The parents went to jail, and the baby girl went to an orphanage. The queen came to see her. It’s really weird reading about it, but apparently she was something of a celebrity at the time. She must still be around. Must be a strange sort of life.
Me? I don’t have any children, but child services would have to be called in, and the boy taken into care. He’d still be my son, and I would still love him, but I don’t think I could have him in my home any more. I hope I could get him the help he needs. Lots of therapy and support and love for the girl of course. The waiting lists for psychological help for minors is all kinds of awful here, so there go the savings I guess.
I am guessing that most of the stupid attempts at humor in this thread have been the result of posters being uncomfortable with the topic in some fashion.
Regardless, they are wandering into hijack territory and they will stop now.
One similar case I know of that was particularly heartbreaking involved an online friendship I had developed with a transgender male become female. The kids parents were drug addicts and had basicaly abondon them for all intents and purposes at a very youg age. The girl was 7 years older than the boy and had been working as a prostitute from age 12. She forced her brother at around age six to become a prostitute as well which is a form of rape.
When I met him he was still male and recovering from drug addiction 35 years old. Very confused about his sexuality and eventually committed suicide. I knew him through a primitive skills forum at which he was very skilled. A few years after I met him he shared his story with me.