Life is weird. I used to be a regular Doper, but I haven’t dropped in in five years or so. I need help now, and after much thought I have decided that you are the best to offer it.
My niece has been raped. She is eighteen. The rapist was an acquaintance. He drugged her, then violated her, then invited friends to partake. And I fucking want to destroy this piece of shit.
Any ideas? Anyone? I know very little about the rapist except his name and address and the fact that he is (unfortunately) a member of the U.S. armed forces.
I want to make sure that from now till the end of his days, his existence is a living hell. I need ideas. Any idea short of murder is welcome.
I’m going to assume that you are entirely sincere. Please don’t think that taking vengeance on the rapist yourself will do anything to make your niece’s situation better.
I’m sorry to hear about your niece. As to the practical aspect of your question you’re not providing much context. Are the authorities involved? If they are then the best thing you can do is comfort your niece, and make sure the police follow up on this diligently as (to be frank) “he said-she said” rape cases can be hard to prove if there is no physical evidence, and are sometimes not aggressively pursued. If the authorities are not involved that would your first order of business and the legal and rape crisis savvy dopers are going to be more help to you to than I would be re giving advice.
If he’s convicted that’ll put him on the sex offender registry, get him dishonorably discharged, sent to jail, forfeiture of veteran’s benefits, and possibly the right to vote.
Lose the attitude. She wasn’t ‘violated’, she was assaulted. The assault involve genitalia. This is not about sex, sacred womanhood, or a culture of misogyny. It’s about a very basic crime - assault.
There are two benefits. Authorities will take assault more seriously than rape, so always focus on that, and it will help your niece, too.
I have no advice for vengeance, but if I come up with something, I’ll get back to you.
Have his sorry ass arrested for rape. I cannot emphasize how important this is. Your niece will need to grit her teeth and go through this to the end; if she doesn’t, that piece of shit will walk away scot free.
How do you figure she wasn’t violated or raped? She was both, and I don’t see how it’s at all helpful to the OP to tell him what his “attitude” about it needs to be.
As to the OP, I think we need to know to what degree law enforcement has been involved. Don’t just call the regular police. Call the MPs.
I hope the problem is not that your niece is unwilling to report it or press charges.
I know it’s a knee jerk reaction, but does anyone actually expect the OP to call the police? For a crime against his brother or sister’s child, that he likely heard about second-hand?
To the OP: I’m sure you feel angry and powerless. If your niece has chosen to call the cops and get a rape kit, that is a good first step, but may very well lead nowhere. At least nowhere satisfying for either her or yourself. If she presses charges and there is evidence, there is still going to be a grueling few months or years in store for her and her family. I can only assume she’s gotten tested for STDs and pregnancy (and will get re-tested in another few months).
Not sure what country you’re in, but if you’re in the US, you may want to find out when or if that kit will actually get tested. (If you live in LA, you may want to start writing some strongly-worded letters.)
Offer emotional support to your niece. Don’t for a second make her feel like she’s now broken or a fragile bird that needs to be tiptoed around… but still offer to rent some DVDs and get some junk food with her.
Send donations to rape crisis centers and Planned Parenthood.
Read Lucky: A Memoir if you’re having trouble understanding.
Lets start with the probability that you feel violated as well.
Good to keep that in mind. Your feelings don’t trump hers.
Secondly, you are only an uncle. Between you and your neice, is Dad and Mom. any unilateral action you take like calling the cops could harm your relationshiop with them, never mind your neice.
The only thing you can do is offer support and solace and make a recommendation if neccessary to go to the hospital and get the Rape Kit completed.
Because some people are still more than half willing to blame a female victim of rape. I won’t go through the whole list of “reasons” for it, but some people still put the word “cry” in front of “rape” every time they hear it.
Why was she “violated”? Would she have been “violated” if she had been punched, kicked, shot, or stabbed?
She was the victim of a crime. The crime was assault. The assault apparently involved genitalia. Focusing on the genitalia obscured the basic fact -* she was the victim of an assault.*
Whisperings, or howls of rage, of violation does not help the woman, legally or otherwise. We have to take the special aura of “violation” from the crime. That just gives more status the rapist, and re-enforces the belief that a woman’s primary purpose is sexual, that she is somehow less worthy, less of a person.
I have been raped. I wasn’t violated, defiled, debased, desecrated, spoiled, or polluted. I was assaulted.
The crime was rape. It’s not the same as any other physical assault. It’s psychologically and socially unique. Especially gang rape.
No one is saying any of this. You are inferring what has not been implied, and I think it’s inappropriate to use a thread like this as a soapbox for some kind of obscure, personal, feminist, semantic rant. Who are you to tell the OP what his “attitude” has to be?