OK, 10 minute time-out. Contestants to neutral corners. Livestock to the corral. Check all buttons and zippers. The Refreshment Committee will be coming around with juice and crackers. Remember to use your napkins.
And when the whistle blows, take three steps to the left, one step forward, pause for a seven-count, then resume. Referees will be standing by with mashed potatoes.
You’ve been molesting my penguins again, haven’t you?!
I say!
Is that an American euphemism?
(If not, it should be!)
Molesting your own penguin is clearly in violation of Statute #3.5(a)(1), Section 4.529081. Everyone pass their penguin to the player on their right and then you can molest that penguin. At the end of the round the person with the most spoons get the crunchy peanut butter enema. Ready…Go!
And thanks to FCM for the refreshments. “Mmm-hmmm, I likes me them pertaters, mmmm-hmmm.”
[The Far Side]
And then, at that critical moment, Skeezix realized he had come to the seminar without his penguin.
[/The Far Side]
Mmm. Taters. Awww, hell. We’re still out of cream cheese? I need to take a seventh frame stretch. Anyone want anything while I’m out?
[sub]And which one a you yay-hoos hid 11th base?[/sub]
Oops, sorry. Forgot to tell you 11th base was sent in for repairs. You’ll have to go to the corner of S. 38th and Okitentagroblomix Street and touch it with out any of the employees seeing you.
While you’re out I need the following things: A football helmet filled with cottage cheese, naked pictures of Bea Arthur (pre-Golden Girls of course), a life size rubber Godzilla suit, and Bill Gates’ first dollar he ever earned. Here’s another brownie, try not to get it in your hair this time.
Thanks a bunch. And fer g0d’s sake, WATCH OUT FOR THE CLOWNS!
Can’t sleep, the clowns will eat me…
Horseflesh, no more tabasco uzis for you, man. They make you way too cranky.
Oooh, someone tell tlw they’re having a sale on horseradish pies at the Costco this week! I got three of 'em, just to be safe.
puts on the cerermonial Moosehead and starts up the Rocket
By the Power invested in me by the Chicago outfit, I now proclaim this thread
GUY STUFF 3
bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
::Staggers about in circles, holding his head and searching deperately for the door::
::Water the cat, put out the fish, mow the carpet, feed the computer, turn off the dog …::
ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!
Help!!!
Please pay no attention to any of the previous posts as they are the result of disenfranchised youth taking out their frustrations on an unsuspecting public.
I would like to take this opportunity to let everyone know what really goes on here.
(get your hand off my thigh, Horseflesh!)
This, in fact, is the place where good budgies go when they die. Those of us still sane enough to remember our charter, “A dead budgie is a happy budgy”, are trying to salvage the situation here. I won’t go into the breaches in protocol that have been going on lately. It is enough to say that those involved the recent spate of unauthorized badmitten will be severely disciplined once we stop laughing.
Anyway. Please remember to put the penguins away in the equipment closet when you are done and don’t forget to hose down the rubber dogs for the next person.
I would also like to repeat, due to the ongoing confusion, that parakeets are down the hall to the left.
Thank You
and please take some mashed patatoes home for the spanial.
[Steve Martin voice]
"And the most amazing thing to me iiiss…
I get paid for doing this."
[/Steve Martin voice]
Those responsible for the content and quality of Degrance’s post have just been sacked. It will be replaced, at great expense and at the last minute, by the following:
40 penguins trained in lethal martial arts
6 Venezualan penguins
33 cheddar cheese dipped penguins
14 Mexican whooping penguins
75,000 rare Cheshire unemployed penguins
1 lusty m00se
Thank you. You may now return to your regularly scheduled thread.
Replaces Degrance’s still beating heart gently back into the chest cavity, Scotch tapes it shut, stitches it with mint flavored dental floss, and fires seven rounds from the nail gun for effect.
There! That oughtta take care o’ that little problem. All better?
Checkmate! I got a goal!
I think that makes the score 12 to Q to (3+2j). But there was chafing on that third axis when the mashed potatoes were distributed, and I think some on the apes’ side got mashed turnips instead. Yes, it’ll work, but the texture just isn’t the same.
The referees haven’t paid any attention to this, and I’ve used the salad tongs as much as I dare. But what stultulo put thermal lubricant on the Rubber Dog? How are we going to get heat buildup now? Jacketing with mashed anything just doesn’t work in this kind of environment.
Can’t see who’s up next…
Sunspace: That was me, sorry mate. I was trying to divert Uncle Beer’s attention away from the brownies. You know how faithful he is to his sponsors.
Back to the field, for me.
:: gets to 27th base ::
Hey! Who’s gonna clean up after the m00se? I got my hands full here!
[sub]And I can barely see where I’m going in this Godzilla costume. Course, that’s the only way I managed to carry the pix of Bea Arthur this far without going blind.[/sub]
::releases the Balrogs cleverly hidden beneath trapdoors around 27th base::
Haul ass to the landing zone and you’ve got another point, Skeezix! Use those Bea Arthur pics sparingly on the Balrogs, they’re on loan from The Big Eye Guy. Watch out for Mort Furd planting the piranha in the rose garden on the way over.
::Slams football helmet on head and twirls around to get a nice cottage cheese shield layer going::
Now that Sunspace is done tapdancing, let’s see what kind of culinary talent this m00se has got. Yeah, I’m talkin’ to YOU, antler breath! ::Pointing:: Hey isn’t that Godzilla over there? ::Puts Bullwinkle in a sleeper hold:: Ha-HAAaa! This’ll be good for a first down in the sudden death 11th inning. Erm, can somebody get my mouthwash? I think I’m gonna hafta castle here soon.
[message from reality]
Just as I opened this thread tonight, the bloody Balrog rose up and burst into flame. Serves me right for letting THAT movie run as background noise for my web surfing. Honestly made me wonder if you were my neighbor, peeking in the windows, for a minnit.
[/message from reality]
Aiiee! A Balrog! A Balrog is come!
:: runs screaming from the field, scattering nude pictures of Bea Arthur about ::
Hey, wait, are the Balrogs on loan, or the pictures? If it’s the latter, he can bloody well get ‘em back hisself. I ain’t messin’ with no Schroedinger monsters, wings/no wings/it’s only a metaphor/oh grow up, it’s only a book…
Where was I? Ah yes, bonus point! Which’d make the score 91 1/2 to Qwerty to A5. Time for the croquet mallet!
Actually I’m in a helicopter a 1000 feet away and I’ve got you sighted on…my…heat scope… Never mind, that’s not true. Forget I said that. What’s really bizarre is that I tried to post that last one at 5:15 pm right when the boards went screwy (good thing I cut and pasted into Notepad) and I knew you were gonna be watching that movie.
::Runs around to the other side of the house and peeks in Skeezix’s computer room window::
Whoa! What’s with the Dorothy outfit and half dozen rabid munchkins? ::Snaps several Polaroids for future blackmail use::
Back to the game. If I can just pull this lollipop out…of…the… m00se. Uuurrrnnnhhhhh. Got it! Yay! Point for me! The score is now Blue to SQR(-1) to Snork.
::Sets up hamster ball for Skeezer’s extra point::
Okay, all ya gotta do is knock this into yon missile silo and that’ll tie us all up.
::Anvil falls out of the sky and lands nicely on UncleBeer::
Ooh, time for the halftime show! Places everyone!
[aside]
Ya know, Calvin would be so proud of us right now if he were still alive. Sniff
[/aside]
::Lights go out, covering the scene in Darkness::
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!! YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE.
TY-D-BOWL, PROUD SPONSOR OF THE FIRST ANNUAL UNCLEBEER GAMES IS PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE YOUR HALFTIME SHOW!!!
FOR THE FIRST TIME ANYWHERE
FOUR OF THE GREATEST MUSICIANS OF ALL TIME, ON ONE STAGE!!
PAUL MCCARTNEY, QZ93KCO#sub[/sub]REX OF EPSILON 5, PUDDING, AND A MOOSE WITH HEMORROIDS!!!
::the crowd goes wild::
