What in the love of christ do you carry in that thing?!?!?!

The BBQ Pit
1

I was debating where to post this, its a question so it doesn’t belong in MPSIMS. Its pretty unscientific for GQ, and since I’m right its not a Great Debate. I felt like swearing so I’m jamming it here in the pit, deal with it!

Women, what the fuck do you carry a purse for? What on god’s green Earth could be so god damn essential that it must be at your side 24 fucking hours a day? I, an intelligent male, am capable of boiling my essential baggage down to a couple of credit cards, two forms of ID, a college ID, Cash Card, a reasonable amount of cash, Blockbuster card, Jewel card, Sub Cub card, insurance card, and a condom on the weekends. All of this fits neatly into a 3"x2"x.5" volume. What type of tit cream could be so important that you need a 4 gallon sachel, one you probably paid $150 for. Are women that incapable of decision that they decide to bring EVERYTHING? What do you carry in there? Put your make up on in the morning, and leave it at home! If your lipstick gets smudged, deal with it, men don’t notice let alone care. And if it really bugs you, maybe you shouldn’t have blow that guy on the way to work, it just stains our boxers anyways. Do you really need pictures of you great dead aunt, and your adopted third cousin twice removed? Are you going to forget what they look like? Leave the checkbook at home, its nearly the year 2000, cash or charge, or is that too much pressure to pay it off at the end of the month? Try a check card then, they’re easy, and you can pretend you actually have good credit. Car Keys! You don’t need 17 key chains from that trip to Disney in the 8th grade. How many keys do you actually know the use for? I suppose that old gym locker key is essential, what is it a spacer for your “really important” keys? House key, car key, work key, am I mising any? Damn, efficiency people, get a clue.
And no, I won’t hold your fucking purse!

2

My purse is actually a big back pack. I have my wallet in there, checkbook, cell phone (I have an old style one that is clunky), hair brush, toothbrush, travel sized tooth paste and mouthwash, Aleve, sanitary napkins, a pen and pencil, I throw my keys in there, make up case (even though I hardly wear make up), sometimes I carry my camera around, and um, I think that is about it. If I am on the go I might throw in a snack bar. I like being able to have everything I could possibly need right there on me. If I go to lunch and have something with onions or garlic, I can brush and floss and gargle. If I get a headache, I have medicine. If I have an emergency, I have my phone. Almost everything in my purse is a needed item.

I crave an art that passionately transcends the mundane instead of being a device for self-deception.–Griffin, from The Griffin and Sabine trilogy.

3

Oh yeah, I bought my backpack from Wal-mart for 25 bucks. As for my keys, I have my house key, car key, gym key, mailbox key, pool key, and club (anti-car theft device) key. My keychain is ONE ring.

And I don’t ask people to hold my purse. You probably aren’t strong enough anyway.

4

I’ve been wondering why I carry my purse for about a year now. I don’t use everything in it every day. I’ve scaled down from a GIANT purse to an average-to-small purse, but mostly it’s full of stuff that I want to throw away but wasn’t near a receptacle at the time. I think I can get it down to a really small purse, and BY GOD! I’m making it my New Year’s resolution. Thank you for setting me straight.

5

Wallet (it would take too long to itemize its contents.)

Checkbook - what, you never write your transaction in the register? It’s not just for writing checks anymore…

Notebook and pens - you’ll thank me the next time you need to borrow either, plus I use them for work.

change purse which not only holds change, but business cards.

travel pack of kleenex

Purell

pager

That’s just daily - the variations would make for an even longer post.

And yes, I need everyone of those items. And that’s just the purse, not the briefcase!

6

Talk about a festering steaming pile of excuses.

Need a kleenex, grab a napkin at coffee table or restaraunt. Otherwise you can leave it in the glovebox and the desk at work.

Checkbook, thats what recipts are for, and they make nice kleenex.

Change, um use your pocket like a normal human being, not your grandmother.

Business cards fit nicely along side your plastic and IDs.

Notebook/pens, you said you carry a briefcase???

Purell? No comment.

Big Back Pack huh? Plan on sleeping alot of nights away from home?

Toothbrush, toothpaste, hairbrush, mouthwash…how obsessive are you? Or do you travel on no notice frequently?

I’m far from convinced, but feel free to encumber yourself and be the butt of jokes and subject to pointing and laughing.

7

I, on the other hand, can’t understand how men can exist without purses (though in New York, most men carry briefcases).

I carry a wee little purse, with my wallet, commuter tickets, a compact & lipstick, and that’s it.

But I also have a briefcase, mostly for a book (I never leave home w/o a book, I have to wait on too many trains and in too many lines).

Omniscient, if you’re that goddam curious, why don’t you sneak up behind some woman, grab her purse, run home with it and just LOOK?

8

I have a Kate Spade messenger bag that I paid $160 for four years ago. Now it retails for about $280 so I got a great deal. The bag is referred to as the bag that’s permanently attached to my skin. This is what it presently contains:

A Metrocard
Wallet
Pack of cigarettes
Maxi Pad
Checkbook
Extra Contact lens
Travel size tissue pack
Year 2000 planner
Cell Phone
Allergy medicine
Envelope from my boss
Lighter and a couple books of matches
2 AA Batteries
Lip Balm (three different types)
Tommy’s keys
Jolly Rancher’s (Apple)
A vial of Pamprin
Sunglasses
Vial of Tylenol
CD Walkman
CD carrying case including 15 CDs
Two pens
About $10 in change, loose bills

I would never call this thing a “purse” though. It’s more like “survival”. It enables me to lead a spontaneous life.

Formerly unknown as “Melanie”

9

Omni, I just read your snotty reply above.

The #1 main reason I carry the bag is to hold my walkman and CDs, since they are too big to hold in my pockets. I cannot survive without listening to music, especially on the subway.

The other things listed above could fit in my pockets, but why should I be weighed down with a heavy coat? And why should I have to empty my pockets when I check my coat?

This city is full of pickpockets. The last time I had $40 in my back pocket, it disappeared somewhere around 34th street.

Also, women look more professional if they are carrying a purse. If one needs to present a business-like appearance for her career, a purse makes a nice accessory.

Formerly unknown as “Melanie”

10

  1. A lot of women’s clothing don’t come with the mandatory “wallet” pocket that men’s do. Carrying a purse is more comfortable than palming a wallet, and a set of keys, all day.

  2. Even if we do have back pockets, men can deal with having a huge bulge in their pants. (Okay, okay, make that TWO bulges in their pants.) I’d rather carry a purse than stuff a wallet in my back pocket, making my ass look bigger than it already is.

  3. I don’t know for sure, but I’d bet you’ve never had to carry a tampon, or a maxi pad, in your wallet.

And in case you’re wondering, unless you’re on the pill, you don’t know for sure when you’ll need that tampon.

  1. If I could just lean over, plug up one of my nostrils with my finger, and blow!!!, I guess I wouldn’t need a wad of tissues either. :slight_smile:
11

I don’t think it is obsessive to carry toothpaste and mouthwash in my purse. It is called good oral hygiene. Receipts make good kleenex? I know you gotta be kidding on that one. I’m a woman, I have hair down to my shoulders. Driving around with windows down makes for messy hair. Would you rather I look like I just fell from a twister, or have to rip snarls out of my hair? You didn’t address my need to carry tampons or pads. Even if I don’t happen to need one at the time, sometimes one of my other friends does. I do not carry a backpack because I travel a lot. I explained every item in there and it simply won’t fit in a smaller purse. And thank you, no, I am not stuffing a wallet into my pants.

12

I’m in the “grandma” category, and I sure as hell don’t carry a freakin’ purse. Hate those things - most of my old timer friends carry them and half the time forget them somewhere, or can’t find what they need without emptying out everything they own from it, damn near including the kitchen sink. I’ve got pockets, I use 'em. I also carry wallet, and my keys. Even in my younger days I didn’t carry fourty different kinds of tampons around “just in case”.

On the other hand, it IS true that women’s clothing just doesn’t have the same amount/type of pockets men’s do, if any, so then I guess it can be different. AND “women’s wallets” tend to be those long, ugly things that you can’t fit in a pocket even if you tried to.

This being said, there’s no need to carry 40 pounds of crap around.

Just my honest opinion, and 64 years of experience…

E.

13

Omni, with that attitude towards women, I think you can get rid of the condom and make some extra space there. You won’t be needing it.

“It’s my considered opinion you’re all a bunch of sissies!”–Paul’s Grandfather

14

What the hell do I carry in my purse?

All YOUR fucking bullshit! YOUR car keys. YOUR wallet. YOUR little scraps of paper with the football pool numbers on them. YOUR stupid Dominic’s card. YOUR fucking allergy medicine. YOUR stupid nonsensical bullshit. I WOULDN’T EVEN HAVE TO CARRY A PURSE IF IT WASN’T FOR YOU, YOU CRETIN. OOH - let’s see - I have a wallet! I have keys. That’s about it! Don’t need no fucking Coach bag for THAT, now DO I? But SOMEbody has to lug YOUR sunglasses around, and YOUR keys, and YOUR STUPID CRAP!

Get some fucking jeans with pockets and dress like a human fucking being instead of wearing sweats all the time jagwad.

Long couple of days. Don’t ask.

15

Since I just cleaned mine out…

Wallet - has credit cards, gym card, Blockbuster card, driver’s license, change of address card for drivers license, registration, AAA card, cash.

Checkbook - I know this is hard to believe, Omni…but NOT EVERYWHERE TAKES CREDIT CARDS! And no, I don’t want a check card. If that gets stolen, there goes my bank account. (Which ain’t much to begin with, but I’d kind of like to keep it.)

One tube of lipstick, pressed powder, and a brush - I work for a consulting firm. I need to look nice for client meeting after running from the metro to the EPA building a mile away.

Sunglasses, chewing gum, and Altoids.

In the “drugstore” category - tampon, purse-size bottle of Advil, and my inhaler. And yes, I need all three. Try living with arthritis and asthma for one week, THEN tell me not to carry them.

As for keys…yes, I know what all mine are for. Car key, key to the front door of my apartment building, key to my mailbox, key to my apartment, key for my office bathroom, office passkey, office building passkey, parking garage passkey. Yes, I have a lot of keys. You tell me which one I can get rid of here.

And hon…don’t know if you ever checked, but women’s clothing doesn’t have as many pockets as men’s. So…it’s either stuff the two pockets I HAVE full of shit, or carry a purse. Deal.

“Jesus Mary Joseph…you’re a biker chick!” - co-worker, upon hearing of my tattoo.

16

You can ignore this until you have a daughter: many items of female apparel DO NOT HAVE POCKETS. This includes pants.

Remember THE WIND IN THE WILLOWS? When Toad escapes prison by dressing up as a washerwoman? The major problem he encounters is a lack of pockets.

That said, I ALWAYS carry a bag of some sort. Primarily so I can carry a book, as Eve does. Usually TWO books…what if I finish one and have nothing to read?

And to echo Saxy…living in the Big City, one has to be careful. In the summertime, when I’m dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, where am I supposed to carry my billfold, bulging with cash and cards? In my back pocket? Do I look like I just fell off the turnip truck?

So the wallet goes into the shoulder bag, along with the smokes and the reading matter. And maybe my kid’s book. And stuff we pick up on the way…a couple of pork chops for that evening’s dinner, a bottle of fruit juice, something new from the book store or the record store…

Uke

17

…the one with joey and his bag!!!

bj0rn - friends for life

18

My purse was a gift from my mother-in-law, and I suspect she paid about $3 for it or got it at a buy one, get a dozen free sale because she gave identical purses to my sister and mother, her mother, her sister, and everyone else she knows. Mine contains:

Aleve
Pepto Bismol tablets (Been eating a lot of fast food for lunch lately)
Cetaphil
Bandaids
(See? No need for emergency runs to the drug store, and no embarrassment of having to bum any of this stuff off co-workers)
Address book/day planner (also has pockets for business cards)
Wallet
Cell phone
Brush (I don’t brush my hair until I get to work; plus my husband borrows it all the time because he can’t carry a brush in his pants)
Check book (I get so mad at my husband because he never carries his check book to write debit card transactions in and somehow he always manages to lose the friggin’ receipt between the time he leaves the store and the time he gets home)
Kleenex
Lip balm (Damn blow jobs on the way to work chap the lips something fierce)
Pens I stole from the credit union
Maxi pads
Spare keys for the house, my sister’s apt., and my mom’s apt. (My car keys and money go in my jeans pockets where they’re handy)

Back when I wore a trench coat everywhere, I never carried a purse at all; all this stuff went into its ample pockets. Boy, I miss that coat. Now I know what I should have asked for for Christmas.

“I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it,” Jack Handy

The Kat House
Join the FSH Webring

19

I had something to say, but pld beat me to it by less than two hours. Kudos to you, pld. Good thing I decided to scroll through to entire thread before cracking wise, or else my face would have been red.

BTW, I’m simulatneously glad and surprised to see that so many Dopers live in NYC (or at least so many imply that they do). By the Grace of Coporate America, I’ve been temporarily displaced from the Big Apple (to the God-forsaken Midwest, no less), but I’m happy and proud to say that I’ll be rejoining you next fall (I’ll be a freshman at Columbia). Can’t wait to partake in all those SD get-togethers at the Plaza, right?

The IQ of a group is equal to the IQ of the dumbest member divided by the number of people in the group.

20

HEY! DON’T KNOCK THE PURSE, MAN!

That’s dangerous. I know a couple of women whose purses came in real handy. One knocked an amorous and rather drunken guy on his ass one night when she left a bar and he wouldn’t leave her along. Crossed his eyes for a time, it did. (I still think she had a brick in there.)

Another young lady, with a wimpy male friend, was accosted by a couple of rednecks in a lounge parking lot and she produced the biggest damn .44 magnum handgun from her dainty little purse that he had ever seen. They left when she blew a crater in the parking lot at the rednecks’ feet.

Another girl I knew carried everything in there from contraceptives, to rubbers, to breath mints, crackers, candy, mini-flashlights, a tiny tool set (which came in handy when we broke down one night), nail files, hair spray, perfume and mace.

One girl dumped her purse out on my table one day looking for something and I spotted, among the usual clutter of tissues, make-up, mints, brushes and combs, one .22 black semiautomatic clip load pistol, (The palm sized version), a box of shells, a gravity knife, a box of condoms, a tube of lubricant, mouthwash, Band-Aids, a pad, two pens, a small adjustable wrench, a small screwdriver, sunglasses and a baseball. (I still have not figured out the last one.) There were also several, smooth, water worn stones she had picked up and dropped in there because ‘they were pretty.’

What? Me worry?’