The Monobrowed.
Really, they bring down the entire planet. Leave already.
Not at all. I didn’t realize that it could be taken the wrong way until I saw your post.
I will definitely be more careful in the future.
Prepare to die.
Morning people.
Having the sleeping patterns of a chicken isn’t something to be proud of.
People who scream when they sneeze. I’d like to give them something to scream about!
I thought they were joking. 
Innocent people I hate: [ul]
[li] People who walk slowly. Obviously, if you’re old or disabled or something you get a pass, but when I’m stuck behind a group of clearly able-bodied strollers, like a bunch of teens just slouching their way down the street completely oblivious to everyone behind them, I should be allowed to punch them in the back of the head.[/li][li] People with massive umbrellas. This seems to be a guy thing, and I’ve concluded that big umbrella = tiny, tiny penis. Like, smaller than the full-stop at the end of this sentence. I work in a busy area of Central London and, obviously, when it’s raining, everyone’s got their umbrellas out. Most people have normal sized umbrellas so they’re easy to circumvent, but once every so often you’ll get some twat with a canopy on a stick, and he’ll be holding the damn thing at the same level as everyone else’s umbrellas, making navigation much harder than it needs to be.[/li][li] Conspiracy theorists. I know a bloke who believes (and I swear to God I’m not making any of this up), that (a) the world is flat, (b) that our poor flat planet is ruled by shape-shifting lizard people, including Queen Elizabeth, David Cameron, George W. Bush, and, for some reason, popular UK radio DJ Tony Blackburn, (c) that drinking your own piss can cure pretty much any physical ailment, (d) that Breatharianism (ie. giving up food and water and just living on light and wisdom like fucking Yoda) is a viable lifestyle choice, (e) that every major terrorist attack, school shooting, and even tragedies like the disappearance of flight 370, were all ‘false flag’ operations orchestrated by the government, (f) that all modern medicine is Big Pharma poison (but shit like homeopathy totally works), (g) that back in the olden days human beings used to live for thousands of years, and (h) that the government can control the weather. And that’s just the shit I can remember off the top of my head. Needless to say, he’s a truther as well. [/li]
The weird thing is that, if you talk to the guy, he comes across as perfectly normal and actually quite likeable, provided you steer well clear of his pet topics. It’s just attention seeking, and for every one person like him there are ten gullible idiots out there who will buy into his bullshit. People like that just make the whole world dumber.
[li] The French. This one may be controversial. I’m not talking about all of them, of course. I’m sure most of them are perfectly nice people, but I’ve been to France several times and, in my experience, the stereotype that French people are notoriously unforgiving to foreigners who don’t speak good French is 100% true. I speak reasonably OK conversational French, but every time I go to France I’m guaranteed to meet some arsehole who pretends he can’t understand what I’m saying because I misgendered a fucking noun or something. I once had to walk out of a shop because the dick behind the counter was like “Je ne parle pas anglais” because I slightly mispronounced the French word for receipt. Maybe I’ve just been unlucky, but decent French people need to up their game and start policing these arseholes before I just give up and turn into…[/li][li] …one of those arsehole English tourists who thinks he can make any foreigner understand English just by speaking it loudly. Again, I’m not talking about all of us, but there truly is a prevailing attitude among a significant percentage of the UK population that every single person on Earth should speak English at all times, even in their own countries. I’ve seen these people literally shouting at waiters and bus conductors, as if talking loudly and waving your arms about will magically unlock the mysteries of the English language like a fucking rosetta stone. If you’re going to another country, pick up a phrasebook you dumb motherfucker! [/li][li] Obsequious waiters. You’re in England. You’re getting a 10% tip no matter what you do. We’re never going to be friends. Just take the order. Fuck sake…[/li][li] People who give their babies stupid names. I know a couple who named their son Merlin. Fucking Merlin! Yeah. Like the wizard. That’s not gonna come back to haunt him, is it? I hope for his sake he grows up to be a big fucker. Idiots.[/li][li] People who always need a little winkey smilie to pick up on internet sarcasm. It’s fucking obvious. You’re just an idiot![/li]
[/ul]
Aah, that’s better!
Two SDMB-related ones:
(a) People who don’t respect general no-spoiler politeness and decency. Even worse, people who claim that some study proves that we are all secretly happier if we get spoiled. Bullshit. Learn to type spoiler tags… and always properly label what type of spoiler it is. And don’t act all aggrieved about it
(b) People who are coy about subtle or puzzling things. For instance, there was a thread a while back about the best vanity plates you’d ever seen, and many people put in just the characters from the license plate without any explanation at all, and some of them were VERY weird or subtle references. Or someone posting something like “oh, I just caught the very subtle pun in (the name of some work)” without also, in that very same post (possibly in a spoiler box), explaining the very subtle pun. Or worse yet, someone asks them to explain it, and they just give some hint or other, rather than fully spelling it out.
People who are proud of the fact that they don’t use a smartphone, yet post about it on this website, meaning they are using a computer.
As a valet driver, the vehicle’s owner must hand me their ticket to show me the vehicle in fact their car.
Often, when I ask for the ticket, they respond with a limp, dead-fish hand holding the ticket and as I reach for it, they don’t let go. I have to often say, “Okay…it’s in my hand…you can let go, now.”
They are utterly mystified by this perfectly common transaction.
Extroverts who think that I must be miserable just because I’m not trying to talk to everyone at their house 100% of the time. Or who complain to my wife that I’m “unfriendly” just because I’m not in everyone’s face like they are.
Sorry, no. No go away!
No mention of people whose main topic of conversation is how they eat and what they eat and how your diet is so totally wrong and only their diet will produce immortality. STFU!
Someone asked me how I stay so thin eating like I do. I said “I eat when I’m hungry and I eat whatever I want.” Her response? That’s just wrong!
You attempted to get up off a regular toilet seat with your elbow and your left hand in a cast and a sling while suffering the aftereffects of two broken bones?
[quote=“Tithonus, post:267, topic:735982”]
Innocent people I hate: [list]
[li] People who walk slowly.[/li][/QUOTE]
Loosely related are groups of people going down escalators who stop and stand right in front of the escalator chatting as other people are still coming down. This is a particular practice of Thai schoolgirls.
Fortunately they are small and can be scattered like bowling pins by a full-size Caucasian person barging through.
Not the same at all. My computer is plugged into the wall and stays in one place. I don’t carry it around with me everywhere where I can obnoxiously peer at it and tap away at it constantly in restaurants, in meetings, and in other people’s houses while completely ignoring everyone around me.
For some reason I’m picturing said Caucasian person issuing forth a loud bellow that sounds like an oriental war cry as he does this. If you don’t know any oriental war cries, it’s acceptable to shout the name of any South Korean car company, thus:
“Hyundai!!!” <smash!!>
Google up “Gaijin smash” for more on this maneuver.
Well, you didn’t say all that. This is what you said:
mmm
Oullim Motors!!! <smash!!> I like it!
For me, it’s people who watch TV shows that I hate. I work swings, and if I don’t get to the break room first, I miss Jeopardy in favor of a rerun of Big Bang Theory. The braying laugh track drowns out my quiet sobbing.
I thought TBBT filmed in front of a live audience and did not use a laugh track.