What is a striper service?

I was going through my local rural paper and came across this advertisement for Tracy’s Striper Service.

I will spare you the details but she got awfully upset with me on the phone.

Now what on earth is a striping service?

Often it is a company that paints stripes in parking lots and on streets.

This explains that really disappointing bachelor party I once went to.

If you need your parking lot painted, do not call Cherry from the Yellow Pages like I did once. She charges by the minute, dresses completely inappropriately for manual labor, and can’t paint a straight line to save her life.

Cherry, meet Tracy.

Well all I can say is, I’m sure as he** not gonna pay what that woman was wanting just to paint lines on no damn parkin’ lot! I mean I knew I was getting into the devil, but this is unreal.

So when you called Tracy, did you ask her how much to do the whole street, or did you just want her to do a quick job in the car park outside the office?

See, this is just the kinda thing I’m talking about…

I called her up again, impersonating a fat guy:
“Tracy’s, can I help you?”
“Yeay, I need some striping maam, I think”
“How many square feet, sir”
“Huh? Oh hold on I’ll check. (Billy, fetch me that tape!)”
line dead

Somebody on here has NOT beed nice to them! I don’t believe for a second that parking los are gonna cause all this. Not for ONE second.

Aren’t those the people who volunteer in hospitals and walk around bringing you snacks and water and stuff?

It’s a lot like a Lapp dance.

AHhhh, you have have it right there. “Pops” I don think they’ve done that since dubya-dubya II? I like your style though, and I like the cig chicks.

Lapp dancing is quite repetitive, very Sami.

Fishing guides, of course!

How does one do that exactly? Breathe heavily as though you just tied your shoe?

First thought - Fishing guides.

He crunches Doritos into the phone as he’s breathing heavily.

What, you never get crank calls?


I’m sorry, the preferred munchies of fat guys is now Cheetos.
I read it in my friend’s newsletter.
Not that I am fat.
I just proofread it for him.
We send out dittos of it using this really cool automated mailing list that addresses the envelopes for you.

So, not Doritos, but Cheetos.

Just a gentle correction.

I appreciate your gentle correction. How can one tell the difference audibly?

It’s the name on the ad created by the independent, ambitious stripper who has decided to go her own way and branch out from the club scene.

It involves illiterate tits. Seriously, though, it’s a pavement marking company.

No, that would be Striper Service’s.