[QUOTE=enigm4tic]
Specifically what I was referring to was the implication that compromise was used in the sense of “giving something up”. Swallowed My Cellphone hit on the basic nature of the difference I was making. Yes it’s sort of a semantic game, but I was disagreeing with the point that people were making that the nature of a relationship involved sacrifice, which as I stated, shouldn’t be true in a loving relationship.
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“Sacrifice” that’s the word I was looking for, thank you.
I would like to add, in a healthy relationship you should be willing to make sacrifices (whether it’s monogamy, spaghetti noodles, or your left kidney) but that if it’s well-balanced and you share evenly, you should never feel deprived as if you have surrendured and lost something. You should not feel as if “relationship = forfeit”. The relationship should enhance not detract.
Clearly, in a monogamous relationship, I’ve “given up” sleeping with other women, but I’m so into my fiancee that I sure as hell don’t miss it, I don’t mourn it, and I don’t feel that I’ve lost out in this deal. That’s where the semantic part comes in, I guess. I may have “sacrificed” casual sex, but I feel no sense of loss. But if our sex life wasn’t healthy (boing!), I would probably feel like I had lost something and that would indicate something isn’t quite right with my relationship.
[QUOTE=diggerwam]
<snip>My biggest problem is that I’m hearing from others who are writing in, is that I’m not allowed to make an emotional connection with a member of the opposite sex for the rest of my life, and if I do, I’m somehow cheating. I can never be close to another female human being other than my wife for the rest of my life. And I’m not even supposed to want to, at least in the ideals of marriage. I’ll say it again, I made this decision at 21. What decisions did you make at that age that you kept up…I think I’ve done pretty good.<snip>
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Do you realize how whiny this sounds? I don’t think anyone is telling you what you can or can’t do; what we’re trying to impress upon you is the fact that actions have consequences. Do what you want, but don’t try to fool yourself or us with the idea that what you’re doing is consequence-free. As you’ve seen from this thread, there is a spectrum of ways to approach long-term relationships; you need to find what works for both you and your wife, and if she doesn’t get a say in it, that simply isn’t fair.
You need to look into what is involved in emotional affairs. I think if you aren’t having them already, you will be soon.
[QUOTE=msmith537]
Maybe. Or maybe I think that having no other interests other than being with someone is a bit unhealthy.
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I’ve never met such a person.
The truth hurts.
Look, you’re speaking from a position of ignorance. It’s best, when speaking from a position of ignorance, to consider the possibility that you might not have a handle on all the answers.