What is Christmas Spirit, and why don't I have any?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’m not really sure what forum this should go in, so I figure this is as good as any. Mods, please feel free to move it wherever you think appropriate.

This is a question in three parts:

  1. What does the Christmas spirit feel like? I haven’t felt it in at least 10 years, probably more. Now don’t get me wrong, I ain’t no Grinch. I don’t eschew all of the holiday pomp and stuff. I listen to Christmas music (in fact, it’s hard to avoid it). I actively watch Xmas movies and TV specials. I give gifts. I decorate. In fact, I’m sitting here next to my tree and lights and nutcracker, hip deep in wrapping paper scraps, with a Santa Claus movie on, less than an hour before my girlfriend and I exchange gifts. And I love it all.

But I don’t have that special feeling, and I can barely recall what it even feels like. To the best of my memory, it feels a little like being in love. You know when you first meet that special someone, and you spend all your time daydreaming about her, and you write her name in your mashed potatoes, and you can barely concentrate on anything else? When you share your first kiss, then turn around and walk into a lamp pole because you’e suddenly become drunk off your ass on her beauty and have all the coordination of man who’s huffed ether?

I sort of remember the Xmas spirit being like that, only you feel that way about the whole world. Especially if it is red and green, or silver and gold, or smells like pine, or tastes like egg nog. Is that what it’s like?

  1. What goes on in the brain when this happens? I once read that when you fall in love, your brain releases a chemical called PEA that makes you all giddy and stupid and tunnel-visioned. Is the Xmas spirit just the same thing, physiologically?

  2. Why don’t I feel it anymore? It’s not for want of feeling that way. Have I outgrown it? I know plenty of people far older than me that still get it. Have I just grown cynical? Possibly, but I have enough wonder and delight left in me, hopefully, to still feel something. And I am way more cynical towards love, and yet I still get a buzz out of that sometimes. Is it because I’m no longer religious, and without Jesus, a deeper meaning has been drained out? Possibly, but you know, I was never deeply religious. Any religious stuff I did in the past was purely going through the motions to please others, and not a true commitment of my own heart.

I know that any answers, especially to #3, will largely be speculation, but can y’all help me out here?

Oh, and have a holly jolly…

Meh, whatever.

2

This might do better in IMHO. I’ll move it for you.

Cajun Man
for the SDMB

3

I can’t really answer your questions but if it’s any consolation I’ve never liked Christmas.

I mean, yeah, it’s cool that Jesus was born and the decorations are pretty and all, but to me this holiday is just one big hassle devoid of fun. As a kid my mother made it clear that she hated Christmas so I always felt guilty about wanting gifts.

Now that I’m an adult I see that Christmas is for two types of people:

  1. Children
  2. Rich people who can afford cool stuff.

I’m neither. I do Christmas for my kid, otherwise I wouldn’t bother.

Bah humbug.

4

When I was younger, I had a lot of Christmas spirit. For me, it had a lot to do with looking forward to being with loved ones, and finding gifts that you think would make them happy. Okay, in my earlier years it was more about getting gifts that would make me happy, but I digress . . .

The anticipation was a big part of it. It was good when I knew I’d chosen well for gifts. I usually made my gifts—we are a very artsy-craftsy family so it wasn’t unusual to make gifts. When I was 12 I started making bead necklaces for my Aunties. They must have turned out okay, because years later I’d see them wearing the necklace and compliment them on it, only to be reminded that I made it! :slight_smile: I gave everybody artwork, drawings, paintings, then pottery. Some gifts were better than others. But it was good to give gifts that showed that I cared. That really put me in the Christmas spirit.

We had so much fun with it. My oldest sister was also quite the creative person, and she’d decorate the Christmas packages up too. One year she made everyone cloth dolls (she was really awesome at that) and she made these packages that were very creative and strange. I can’t remember all of the packages, but I know that one package looked like an Egyptian mummy. Very cool. My dad got a picture of it before it was opened up.

My dad played a big part in our festive spirit—somehow he helped infuse it in the rest of us. After he died, Christmas sucked for a while, but got better eventually. When I moved out of state, Christmas officially died for me. But this year, it’s slightly revived. Just a little. I’m really trying.

I don’t know if this helps any in explaining the Christmas spirit. For our family, it was a combination of so many little things.

5

The Christmas spirit is taking joy in life, in being with the people you love, in caring for others. That’s about it.

6

I hear ya, tdn. Most of the trappings just leave me blah anymore, the ones that become actively annoying, that is. Maybe it’s age. When I was a kid there was no such thing as ‘too much’ Christmas. Loved every bit of it: the songs, decorations, cards, services, everything. And that does feel like a loss.

FWIW I don’t really celebrate Christmas per se anymore, and am much happier for it. It’s a warm, comfortable day but nothing whoopdeedoo. I make some meal I like, but nothing elaborate, and my sister and I ‘open our presents’ over the phone.

One thing that has really helped keep Christmas real for me is serving and giving anonymously. That sounds nauseatingly pious but actually it’s put the zest and enjoyment back into the season. There are several charities locally where you can adopt a person or family in dire need. These aren’t folks who can’t afford toys. They don’t have anything. (One woman only wished for a blanket. A boy asked for socks.)

I’ve vetted these charities and they’re for real. I love throwing myself into giving the best I can to them: warm clothing, bedding, food, etc. and making it nice stuff, plus throwing in some small extras. The real satisfaction is doing it anonymously. I also enjoy serving dinner at a holiday meal site and helping wrap gifts at another charity. It’s a lot of fun, and people are happy.

7

My husband and I had a wonderful time today. Our church ‘adopts’ about 20 families at Christmas. We buy Christmas presents for the children, food for a holiday dinner, and supply them with a lot of small things such as soap, shampoo, toothbrushes, and other household staples. We deliver the gifts the Sunday before Christmas.

This family has a 9 year old boy who ‘just wanted his own bed to sleep in.’ We gave the family a twin bed, with a new mattress, and Spiderman sheets and blankets, as well the Chrismas gifts and supplies listed above.

The mother asked ‘What can we do to thank you?’ I said ‘You’ve done it already - you’ve allowed us to celebrate Christmas the way it’s meant to be celebrated - by helping others.’

That’s the ‘Christmas’ spirit for me. The Christmas spirit is not in buying iPods, or hanging white lights on your house, or drinking at parties. It is in helping others.

8

Ok point taken, but let’s get one thing straight:

White lights on a house look better.

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Abbie - I think you’ve revealed one of the reasons why the OP no longer feels a ‘Christmas Spirit’. White lights are chickenshit. White lights at Christmas are half-assed and wussy. Colored lights are expressive, bountiful, and cheer people up. The bigger the bulbs on colored lights, the better.

10

I hear you, Abbie Carmichael. I hate, absolutely hate the idea that I’m expected to give gifts at a certain time of the year. It seems that I’m always strapped for money, and around this time of the year, I’m supposed to take money that I could be spending on other necessary things (like how 'bout the $400 heat oil bill I just received?) and buy things for people (on demand) because it’s that time of the year? Bullshit.

Throughout the year, if I see something I think someone close to me would enjoy, or reminds me of them, then I’ll get it, and give it to them. However, the idea of buying something for someone because it’s expected drives against my entire set of beliefs. However, I feel guilty if I don’t cave in–especially where the HallKids are concerned. No, it’s not them who make me feel guilty (even though they’re bombarded by society, especially the media constantly about what they should “want” for Christmas).

Instead of feeling the “Christmas Spirit”, I just feel resentful as hell, so much so, I’d like to pitch the Christmas tree (decorations and all) in the trash and be done with it. (However, there’s the HallKids to think about–it was important to them to have the tree firmly in place, with decorations.) I hate stressing out over money I don’t have, and buying gifts that most either won’t use or won’t appreciate, when I’d rather be doing something–anything–else.

11

I think the gift-giving part can be handled differently in some families, so it doesn’t seem like such a money-sucking chore.

The Aunties are serious Christmas-aholics. My one aunt has this old friend, whose name is June. Auntie and June are thinking of Christmas gifts all year round. They’ve done this ever since I can remember. When they see some nice little thing on their vacation in Walpole, Mass. in June, they buy it and set it aside for Christmas. And when they find that fabulous cat figurine during the Montrose, Calif. Craft Fair in October, they pick it up and save it as a Christmas gift. And so forth and so on. The aunties would also do the same with the rest of us. They’d see something for us in May, and save it up and give it to us for Christmas.

We didn’t always give each other expensive gifts. When I was a kid and we were poor, it didn’t seem like Christmas was stark. We got nice little things, and practical things, and so forth. Aunties would wrap up some stickers (you know that kind that kids like) and that would be one gift. (I still remember some stickers I got as a kid. I loved those stickers.) A package with some food goodies was a good gift. Or socks. Or a paperback book. Sometimes the cheapest gifts were wrapped the nicest—that was the fun part—the pretty wrapping.

We also were really into making stuff for each other. In fact, it was a disappointment if hand-made gifts were not given. My dad always asked for (and got) homemade shirts. He loved those. I starting making gifts for everyone at a pretty young age. Not all the gifts were probably all that treasured (some of the drawings or paintings were never displayed on the wall), but hey—it was the thought that counted, and I was thanked handsomely for my gifts. Other gifts I gave were big hits (the necklaces I made for Aunties, among many other things). A handmade gift is often the best: that’s how our family thinks.

Christmas was also a time when people got what they needed or deserved but wouldn’t get for themselves. My dad was a major bookaholic and he’d put a lot of books down on his Christmas list (we always exchanged detailed Christmas lists). He wasn’t going to indulge himself and buy them all, but hey—it was different if someone else got them. That was okay. :wink: And my mom—she hated buying clothes for herself. She would whine about the “waste of money.” So my dad enlisted the Aunties and also my older sister to shop for mom’s wardrobe and then give her the clothes for Christmas. They also did the same thing for me. (I was not a clothes horse as a kid. I’ve made up for that now.)

I’m not saying that Christmas was “cheap” for us, because I am sure it was not. However, my parents were pretty frugal and not impulsive with money, so it wasn’t like they got into debt over Christmas. Cheap gifts (or practical, we-were-going-to-have-to-buy-it-anyway) gifts were the bulk of our Christmas gift-giving rituals. And it was so much fun.

12

I couldn’t agree less. That is, there were many years when I was a poor adult that I got the Christmas spirit aplenty. And many years when I was quite comfortable when the spirit eluded me. So for me, at least, that’s not part of the equation.

One thing I’ve been thinking is that the spirit began eluding me just around the time I started having steady girlfriends during the holidays. We’d always have our own “private” Christmas several days before. Like last night, for example. The problem is, the holiday is diffused over two different days. Six days before Christmas, and the best gifts are already given and received. It’s like a premature ejaculation in a way, I guess. And now the biggest thing I have to look forward to is dealing with the airlines and homeland security and transporting unsharpened presents. I hate travel, and that has a way of sucking all the spirit (holiday and otherwise) out of me.

Yep, girlfriends and airplanes. That’s a huge part of the problem. Two years ago I got so sick I couldn’t fly, and my girlfriend was so sick she couldn’t go see her family, and we ended up spending the day feeling miserable together. And it ended up being the best Christmas in the last decade.

13

It’s not so much that I want presents for myself. It’s just no fun not being able to buy presents for other people, ya know?

14

Make presents, then. Get the kids used to the idea of “homemade” gifts now. Homemade can mean, “Personalized, made with love.” Play that up. It really worked well for our family. (Not that we didn’t get plenty of storebought gifts too, but the homemade ones are the ones that are kept and treasured the longest, and talked about the most often.)

And I don’t want to hear anyone whining about not having enough “talent” either. That’s often a cop-out. Many crafts and homemade things don’t require talent—merely the ability to follow directions. (And besides, so often “talent” is comprised of a high percentage of “stick-to-it-ism.” You stick to something long enough and work to learn how to do it, you all of a sudden are told that you have “talent.”)

15

Christmas spirit…well, it’s a lot of things, but I guess for me it boils down to two things. 1) Being a child again, if only for a moment. 2) Hearing the chimes.

The first I think is fairly self-explanatory–it’s about the excitement and anticipation and wonder that goes with being a child at Christmas. It’s oohing and aahing at Christmas lights, it’s getting excited that Rudolph is coming on TV, it’s nearly bursting to find out what’s in that package under the tree. It’s being able to put away all the adult worries about shopping and baking and the state of the world for the time being and just appreciate the beauty of this one spot at this one moment.

The second has to do with the old story about the cathedral whose chimes wouldn’t ring until a true gift of love was placed on the altar. Thousands of rare and valuable offerings were made, but the chimes never rang. Then, a small boy put a ragged coat on the altar because it was all he had to give…and the chimes rang. That, to me, is what Christmas is really all about. It’s not about giving stuff, expensive or otherwise. It’s about the love that motivates the giving. It’s about giving of yourself, your thoughts, your time, your heart, and doing it freely and gladly.

I’ve spent less than $300 on my whole family, excluding Dr.J. That’s my parents, brother and sister in law, and niece, two sets of grandparents, two uncles, five aunts, and a cousin. Less than $20/person, and this is the most I’ve ever spent on Christmas gifts. And I’ll tell you, cool gifts don’t have to be expensive. Hell, one year I got my brother one of those Star Wars action figure carry cases shaped like Darth Vadar’s head. I paid $5 for it at a yard sale, and that’s probably a lot more than it was really worth. He loved it. He told one of his friends that I always give the coolest presents.

Sometimes, you just have to be a little creative. I made lap blankets for most of my family, each one made to suit that person, for an average price of $13. I’m giving my Secret Santa at work a buttload of cool stuff for less than ten bucks. I found a cool little book about relationships between cats and dogs at an outlet store for $3, then I made her a heating bag with leftovers from other gifts, maybe a total of $1, and dog biscuit mix from stuff we already had in the kitchen, maybe $1, and I found her some stationery with baby snow leopards for 2. Oh, and I ran across a boxer-shaped cookie cutter for .70. She loves boxers.

I don’t want to hear about not having talent, either. As yosemite says, most handicrafts aren’t a matter of talent. They’re not like drawing or painting or singing, where you need some inherent spark to be good at it. They’re a matter of following the directions and sticking with it till you get the hang of it. If you can mush around with play-doh or use a cookie cutter, you can make salt dough ornaments. If you can count to seven and use a pair of pliers, you can make a beaded dragonfly ornament. If you can sew a basic running stitch, you can make a blanket, or a custom stocking, or a heating bag. If you can ink a stamp, you can make notecards or stationery. And you can do all of these things really, really cheap.

16

I too like TVeblen’s idea of giving anonymously. Didn’t St Nicholas do that?

I think some people feel like Christmas is some kind of coersive Cult of Spending, thus the resentment, but it really does not have to be that way.
(That said, every year I do have to participate in an inexpensive gift exchange at work, and I grumble about it, but have yet to speak up about any proposed changes, and don’t have the guts to simply opt out.)

OTOH
I agree that Christmas can be a time to be a kid again. I too love the anticipation.
I love the decorations–and the food, and the music.
Also, I think maybe some of us need a nudge to slow down and think about friends, family, who we are and where we are going. Once you figure out the best approach, Christmas can be a good time for this. It can take awhile to figure out this approach, and we only get one try a year.

Not every single Christmas will be a wondrous, memorable one.
Sometimes people perhaps try too hard: lowered expectations can help, as can a sense of humor.

As for the girlfriends and airplanes, tdn,yeah that could cramp your Christmas spirit a bit; maybe you can tinker a bit with that combination? I can really understand what you say about the diffusion of the celebration as well as the travel situation.
I have had a couple of very good traveling-at-Christmas experiences but would not want to do it every year.

For Christmas lights, we do the tasteful yuppie twinkly-white as well as strings of red chile pepper lights.

17

Oh, of course. I knew what you meant. But usually in those very lean years I always found some way to work it out.

18

It feels like brandy, because that’s the Xmas spirit you pour over the pudding! :eek: