It boggles the mind to see how rotten human beings can be to each other. It is even more amazing that people think that there is virtually no discrimination against gays in these here United States.
Hmm… I’ve never experienced any sort of gay bashing, ever… and none of my gay friends have, either. Maybe that’s just par for living in a very gay friendly city (Richmond VA, now I’m in Charlottesville VA which is just as accepting, if not more).
Actually, come to think of it, when we were walking last night after Queer Student Union, a car passed us and shouted “Faggots!” if that’s what you consider bashing. We just laughed and shouted back things like “Oh you know it,” “No shit,” etc. None of us considered it bashing.
As far as physical assaults… neither me or my friends have experienced any at all. Guess we’re just lucky to live in such an accepting community?
Echo, do you really think the police cared? The murderers walk free in Kansas City, MO.
Esprix
Wow. No investigation at all? Unbelievable. I’m just sick about all these incidents. I truly don’t know what to say.
To my friend Peter who was stabbed to death outside his apartment building in Stockholm in 1997 by a fanatic who wanted to purge the world of ‘evil faggots.’
To my very good friend Mike who committed suicide on New Years Eve 1990 after being gay bashed about six months earlier, he just couldn’t take the pressure anymore. He was 22 years old when he died.
Sparc
I was never ‘out’ until after high school–although I know some of my old friends there suspected.
I was lucky–because my siblings were very popular in school–and by association, nobody ever used to bother me that much.
Nowadays I live in Utah…I’m not outwardly flamboyant, or anything–but I’m not adverse to giving my friends a hug out in public. So far–I’ve continued to be lucky. I’ve never been bashed once…not at all.
Reading this thread, though…makes me a little more wary…and does make me very, very pissed off.
That’s it, I’ve had it with humanity and their witch-hunt mentality. When people get beaten up for a fundamental trait of theirs, it’s ignorance and insecurity. When people die for it - it’s barbarity and I feel shame for sharing a genome with these people. ‘Age of reason’ indeed.
Unfortunately, being pretty good at sports (head of school sports, captain of track athletics, field hockey and swim teams) didn’t stop me from being called Beatrix (even by some of the teachers), getting shoved around, knocked over a couple of times in the shower, harassed daily on my lunch break by the school bullies… I figured it was school and if they didn’t pick on me for that, it would have been for something else.
I worked in a gay bar for a little while. Gangs of lads in their late teens/early twenties thought it was the biggest hoot to gather outside after the bars in town had shut, and wait for the staff to finish locking up. Our phonecalls asking for a police presence were answered with an excuse of ‘no car currently available’. The bar was aware of this and would provide paid taxis home, which would sometimes be late or unavailable; we’d all agree to walk home together as a group, hoping it would discourage the other guys. It usually did. Sometimes, they’d be feeling particularly persistent and would follow in twos or threes at enough of a distance for us not to notice them when we’d finally break into singles. I got jumped a couple of times this way. The worst time, I cracked a rib. Both times I managed a few blows of my own and once kicked my way out of it to run away (which I am good at; track captain, remember? A talent I’ve used often). The cracked-rib incident, I got spat on, insulted, called a ‘cocksucking homo’ and left to crawl home. This was one of the reasons I left the job. The police would come to take statements and nothing would come of it. We didn’t really expect it to.
I am a sissy fag. I have a slight build. I am openly affectionate and will hold hands or kiss lovers in public spaces. I will do this and take any verbal abuse anyone’s willing to throw at me. A few, happy times, I’ve had members of the public back me up. Usually it will just be my lover and I defending ourselves verbally while an uncomfortable crowd pretends it’s not watching. I am thankful that few have every joined in, further than a few disapproving glances that I should dare kiss someone lightly, affectionately, in a public place.
I have come to expect that if someone decides they want to insult me, they won’t trouble much of the vast selection of perjorative terms at their disposal and instead will concentrate purely on cocksucker/homo/queer/poofter/fairy. I have a natty little selection of teeshirts already bearing these proudly, saving them the effort.
The teens who hang around outside in the lane behind my building recognise me, will pet my dogs when I’m walking them or try to beg a cigarette from me, “Hey, you got a fag I can steal?” (Oh, the irony). It’s only once I’m futher up the lane away from them that they’ll dare raise their voices loud enough for me to hear their mutters of “Fucking homo/queer bastard”. The one time I bothered to challenge it, they denied all knowledge of what I meant, blushing furiously. I may be little, but I look like trouble and have big dogs.
And sometimes, I’ll go out for a meal with a lover. Share sizzling glances and touch fingers over the table, and not notice any disgusted gasps or shocked faces. We’ll walk hand in hand along the river on the way home, and no-one will say a thing or even look twice. Sit together on the bus on the last leg of the trip, my hand on his leg, the boisterous teens down at the back too busy with their furious hormones to pay us any mind. These nights make me glad and happy. Until I realise that they really shouldn’t and that in a better place, I’d expect to be ignored every time.
I’m curious - does gay bashing only happen when one person is alone? Or does a group sometimes get attacked by a (presumably larger) group of bashers?
In my experience, bashers are too chicken-shit to attack a group. They usually gang up on individuals.
Well, let’s see, how have I been treated over the course of my little gay life?
At 16, when a couple of guys in school discovered that I had been spending time with another guy at his house on a regular basis, they decided that it would be a good idea to teach me a lesson in the showers after gym. I won’t give you all the details about what happened, because I don’t want to detail it, frankly. Suffice it to say that it involved three large football players holding me down under freezing cold water while I was buck naked and using a bar of soap in a very creative way.
In college, at 21, while coming back to my apartment after a party, I was jumped not 50 feet from my front door by two classmates who didn’t like the fact that I openly talked about dates I had with guys (of course, THIER conquests of various “bitches” were all the rage on Monday mornings in physics class.) They dragged me into the bushes next to the apartment building and spent a good five minutes burying my face in the snow (it was December in Maine) and pummeling my back with their fists while very quietly whispering things like “you ready to die tonight shit-packer?” and similar witicisms.
When I was 26, a friend of mine and I (a STRAIGHT friend of mine, I might add) were walking back to my place after seeing a movie. It was about 11:30 PM on a Friday night in Manchester, NH. We were approached by a young-ish man with a very large knife. He invited us “fags” to kneel and suck his cock while he cleaned out our wallets. My friend and I decided to chance it with this nutcase and we tried to ignore him and walk on by - when that didn’t work, my friend did a basic karate-type leg sweep on this guy and knocked him on his ass - then we ran like hell until we got to my building.
When I was 30, two friends and I were denied service at an Applebees Restaurant after we sat in a booth and started talking about boyfriends and cute guys and so forth - nothing dirty, nothing “inappropriate” - we were given glasses of water and our orders were taken, only to never be delivered. When it became clear that something was wrong (six or seven other tables that had come in after us got served WAY before us) we asked the manager whether we had been forgotten. He told us that we were not appreciated in his restaurant but that Applebees policy was not to eject customers unless they became rude or threatening. We weren’t being served because the manager hoped that we would leave - he told us this in almost those words, but very, very politely. We ordered coffee and sat in that stinkin’ place for another three hours talking up a storm about boys and big thick cocks and how nice gay sex was and so forth - just to piss this guy off and hopefully drive away some of his customers.
At 33, I was assaulted by four 17 year olds shouting “faggot” and “queer” and “fucking fudge packer” and so on after I exited a bar and grill that was frequented mostly by gay and lesbian people.
At 35, I spend days visiting a good friend of mine in the hospital - he had gotten in to a little fight with his boyfriend while they were out one night. Chris, his boyfriend, left in a huff and drove home, leaving Keith alone a the club. Keith stayed for another couple hours dancing and having a good time. When he left at about 1:00 AM, he made the mistake of leaving alone to head for the bus stop. He was attacked by four very brave college students who jumped him with baseball bats and heavy steel-toed boots. He was beaten badly enough that when he arrived at the ER, he was given only aabout a 30% change of making it through the night. He had three broken ribs, a fractured collarbone, broken tibia, many missing teeth, and fairly serious internal bleeding. He managed to make it through the night and woke up the next day in serious pain. He stayed in the hospital for six days and was out of work for almost six weeks. His boyfriend Chris suffered horrible guilt and nightmares about this - he figured it was his fault for having left Keith alone and having the fight. Chris attempted suicide about two months after the incident and was in therapy for many months after that. It was over three years before both Chris and Keith were fully back to normal. The good news is that six years later, they’re still together and more in love than ever - if there’s good news that can come out of something like that, maybe that’s it.
I won’t continue this, because I could write for pages and pages about daily slights and insults, frequent fear for my life and wellbeing in certain situations, and so forth.
Suffice it to say that I understand the concept of gay-bashing and anti-gay bias.
Oh, and the legal results of all of the above incidents - even the story of Chris and Keith? - not one single person has been charged, prosecuted, arrested or even sternly spoken to. In just about every case, the police and other “authorities” either didn’t give a damn or were so ineffective in investigating that not a single person has ever been punished for any of these crimes.
Now, want to ask me if I “choose” to be gay???
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
Tangentially, when I brought this subject up on another message board, someone tried to excuse the idea that gay bashing would, if anything, make someone not want to be gay by saying that maybe the person wanted to be different and this was their way of showing it. And the gay bashing was something they enjoyed, I guess … sort of a martyr complex.
These are the same people who cannot differentiate between pedophilia, bestiality and homosexuality. And the scary thing is that one of them has a degree (he claims) in nuclear physics from Cornell and teaches high school math.
I’ll also throw out the fact that the Boy Scouts of America do not allow homosexuals because they are not “morally straight.” On the other hand, I’ve yet to here about young men being kicked out of the Boy Scouts for being bullies. I’ll admit they probably haven’t been caught, but that is one reason I continue to boycott the Boy Scouts. I’ve also had a few words about the local scout master about this.
CJ
I just want to express to all of you how grieved I am, and how ashamed I am for humanity. You are heros, in my eyes, not just for enduring barbaric evil, but for rising above it and holding to your dignity with beautiful grace.
For my part, I pledge that whenever I see or hear you being bashed, whether by fists or by mouths, I will rise up with you and either bear the blows with you or help to snuff them out. You are my brothers and sisters, and I love you.
God go with all of you always.
For what it’s worth, CJ, my cousin Judd recently earned his Eagle Scout rank (or however that’s ;ut) and he’s glad they didn’t ask him what he thought of their policy because he thinks it’s a load of shit. That’s also how his family found out I’m bi. I know of nobody among my current group of f2f (as opposed to online) friends who is affiliated with the BSA else I’d most likely (read: if such were possible) want to know the reasoning behind their decision from the POV of whoever was available. It strikes me as 1st grade logic that refutes the stance they’ve taken.
And Lib, that has to be one of the most inspiring posts I’ve read here in the past few … whatevers:)
Since I first opened this thread I have been thinking a lot about things that I usually try to not think that much about like my previously mentioned lost friends, and many other not that bad, but still terrible stories that people I know and I have experienced over the years. I’m not very open about my sexuality. I’ve spent many years in steady relationships with girls and I’ve really only had one longer relationship with a guy – and frankly I don’t see what business of anyone except me and my closest friends it is who I date. Furthermore, in my circles it’s fairly normal to be gay, lesbian or bi.
Anyway, this morning before going to bed I was on the phone with a very close friend who I for various reasons do talk a lot about it with, she wondered why I wasn’t more open about who I am and I told her about the threads about homphobia around here, and about your stories and I went on to tell my own stories. I talked about Peter and Mike, other friends that have been taunted, jeered and beat over he years. I told her of little slights and bigger ones. Finally I told her about how I ended up in hospital for a week after three off duty security guards beat me with hickory sticks, kicked me down and stomped on my head because; “It sure looked like [this] faggot asshole wanted to fuck [one of the security guards] in the ass.” They had seen me give a guy that I had previously dated a quick goodbye kiss as we parted ways on our way home from clubbing in front of the night open burger joint where they were hanging around.
I made the mistake of deciding to grab a burger in said establishment, I never made it in through the doors. Instead I ended up being dragged into a side alley to be ‘taught a lesson’. What still irks me with that whole incident is that they beat me for while and then they pulled me up to my feet. I could hardly stand, but I guess all the adrenaline and sheer survival instinct enabled me to stay on my feet. Unable to do anything I just stood there bleeding from my nose and mouth, legs trembling like I was newborn calf and the sheer terror of them going at me again making my chest almost explode. The memory of the scene is still so vivid in my head that I can almost touch it. A strand of my long hair was smeared with blood and sticking to my cheek. The burning throbbing pain in the left side of my face and head, a yellow sign on a garbage compacting machine that read “Danger,” the mauling pain all the way down my left side of my body, a splotch of my blood on the dirty ground that looked like oil except for the crimson reflections cast from it by a single street light outside in the street. It’s all stuck in my memory like little snapshots of terror.
I just stood there and swayed trying to gather enough strength to run or at least do something, but my muscles wouldn’t quite respond. One of the security guards slapped me on the back, in a strangely familiar way and said; “There you go buddy, maybe that’ll teach you to not be so gay. Now you can go have your hamburger or whatever you fucking people eat.” I just grunted or something, I don’t remember, and then I just limped off as best I could. As I was a few feet away one of them called out from behind me. In the complete daze I was I half turned around. He was holding something out at me, “Hey, you forgot this.” It was one of my earrings that had been torn out of my ear during the beating. I took it and I think I even said; “Thank you.”
There is a police station right around the corner from where this happened. I managed to get myself there. I have no idea how. I even sort of made a deposition and had the benefit of a cop asking me if I had provoked them by making sexual advances on these guys. I collapsed soon after that and woke up in hospital the next day. The left side of my face was so swollen that you couldn’t distinguish any features any more. I had bruises and blues from my shoulder to my knee on the same side and several ribs had been cracked as had also my left lower arm. My knuckles and hands were scratched and swollen. I had a severe concussion that kept me in bed for a week and left me with recurring headaches for a year afterwards. The doctor’s photos of the wounds on my hands later served the defense lawyer of these guys as proof that I was the one that attacked them, I have no idea how my hands ended up that way, I guess I just hurt them on the ground. They where acquitted on grounds of self-defense and the alleged fact that I had supposedly provoked them by making lewd advances on one of them.
When I was done telling my story this morning my friend was silent on the other end for while. Then she said “Jesus Christ, now I understand why you’re not so open about these things.” She, and all the other stories in here reminded me that maybe I should talk more about it, maybe that’s what can make people understand how wrong it is to even speak up in defense of homophobia.
Sparc
Oh, don’t even get me started about the BSA. Years ago, I was proud of the fact that I was a Boy Scout - by the time I turned 18, I had made it just two merit badges and a community service project short of attatining Eagle Scout. I had been involved in the program from the time I was 8 years old.
I’m very sad to say that I am now ashamed that I was ever associated with that cult. They never SEEMED like a right wing conservative bunch of assholes when I was a kid.
It’s really a shame, too. For if it wasn’t for the exlusionary policies of the organization, the experience of being a scout is probably one of the best things that can happen in a boy’s life. I learned a great many of my most important daily life skills from scouting.
God, I’m trembling with anger here.
This makes me want to roam the streets of KC looking for evidence of gay bashing so that I can beat the perpetrators to a pulp.
Except that I’m a real wuss when it comes to fighting. Honestly though, these stories break my heart. I can’t believe people are so stupid and mindlessly violent.
I don’t know whether to cry or throw up at reading this thread. I am torn between both.
.
.
.
I have been sitting at this keyboard for 15 minutes since I wrote that, trying to think of what else to say. I can think of nothing that suffices.
Nothing at all.
I was very, very lucky in that late in my freshman year of high school I transferred to a progressive alternative high school that was very gay friendly (we had several openly gay teachers, drag queens at school dances, and a strict non-harassment policy). Prior to that, well, things weren’t so nice, although not as bad as what some other people have experienced. I was beat up, sexually assaulted, called names, and had things thrown at me. This started when I was very young, and I’m not sure that can consider all of it “gaybashing”. I certainly had trouble before I knew I was queer, but from a very young age I was clearly “different” (weird, geeky, sickly) and that’s usually enough.
In college, anti-gay sentiment has been less open but still present. Once my roommate and I woke up to find that someone had written “DYKES” on our door. But I don’t think anyone here would have the nerve for a face-to-face confrontation.