What is Gaybashing Like?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

“And if a Man lie with Mankind as with Womankind, both of them have committed Abomination: they shall surely be put to Death; their Blood shall be upon them.”
Le 20:13, American Standard Version

I wish God would repeal this law: its causing more problems than it solves.

There was a gay man in my old neighborhood who was gentle, friendly, and possesed an exceptional degree of dignity. None of us considered him an abomination.

When he died (of non-Hodgekin’s lymphoma), the whole neighborhood came to the Mass of Christian Burial, in a Catholic church.

When a week later his gravestone was defaced with anti-gay slurs, the outrage was so that a reward was posted for the successful prosecution of the perpetrator(s). For a while, some of the neighborhood guys even stood guard at the grave to prevent a repeat performance.

42

He did, my friend.

“And now a new commandment I give to you, that you love one another as I have loved you.” — Jesus

I pray that His4ever and others see this thread and that it change their minds and lives. Whoever can see these stories and fail to repent of their bigotry is as far removed from the Spirit of God as the east is from the west.

43

I started a thread just this last week titled “Will Topeka, Kansas give everyone equal rights?” It concerned a vote at our City Council over a proposed amendment to the city anti-discrimination ordinance. The amendment was to have added “sexual orientation” as a protected class. Now as many know, Topeka is the home of Fred Phelps. If it was only him and his cult maybe the amendment would have passed. But the quieter part of Topeka that is homophobic got organized. They packed the council chamber so that during the better part of the discussion most speakers in FAVOR of the amendment had no support. And when one of them would speak they would always preface their remarks by saying “I don’t approve of the way Fred works, but…” And even when a Phelps spoke(there’s a lot of them) the applause came from all around the room. As a straight, white, Christian landlady I spoke that I considered the law as it stood an abomination, allowing as it does that I can, if I so choose, bar a tenant solely based on their orientation. I wonder what would happen if I barred a potential tenant for being straight? Shoe on the other foot and all that.

I can’t imagine the guts it takes to come out. Considering how some acquaintances reacted when I simply started helping with counter picketing against Fred. “Aren’t you afraid that someone will think you’re gay?” **Fear. ** That’s the word. Hurting someone because of an inborn reality, that’s hat gay-bashing is like.

44

Libertarian, You Da Man.

Lets hope more people in this land of Liberty and Freedom adopt this WWJD attitude.

45

Every day I find a brand new reason to be ashamed of being human. I’m crying, right now, for all of you who have experienced such evil. I’m so terribly, terribly angry that this happens every day in a supposedly ‘enlightened’ age. I’m angry and frightened and ashamed of all the cruel and ignorant people in this world who will go to their graves with such ugly hearts.

I abhorr violence, and consider it the last refuge of the desperate and the stupid. But even I have had to resort to violence to protect people I care about. I’ll share a story that ended on, not a happy note, but at least a marginally triumphant one. I’m not gay, but I’m a bit of a ‘fruit fly’ in my circle of friends- I hang out with many gay and lesbian people, and we enjoy going to see local bands play at various small venues. A few friends and I went to a show, and were outside having a smoke afterwards, in a crowd of perhaps 20 people scattered over a parking lot. My friend Eric had brought his boyfriend, and they were sort of huddling together since it was pretty chilly and Eric hadn’t brought a coat. Suddenly, from across the parking lot, come two teenaged oxygen-thieves sneering and yelling “Hey fags! You better run!” Seeing as we were in a crowd of people, we just ignored them and hoped they’d pass. Who could be so stupid as to start a fight with so many witnesses present? But they came over to us, and immediately tired to grab both Eric and his bf. Our other friend rushed in to push them off, and I started screaming at them to stop. Everyone in the parking lot just stopped and stared- no one did a thing. I was so angry and so terrified. They kept taunting Eric and Jay, getting in their faces, calling them names. It happened so fast- I reached out and grabbed one of the punk’s jacket, and he actually told me he ‘didn’t want any trouble with me’ and he ‘would hate to have to hit a woman.’ (Such a gentleman, right?) Jay told him to leave me alone, so this walking abortion punched Jay. And then things got out of hand. I ran screaming at the guy and kicked him as hard as I could in the knee with my own steel-toed boots, and when he tried to grab me, I raked my fingernails down his face and poked him in the eye. (Thank god for that self-defense class, eh?) By this time, Eric and Jay had managed to push off the other punk and my other friend and they started punching and kicking him. The two punks ran off after that, yelling things like, “We’ll get you, you faggots! Fucking bitches, etc.” They even threatened to call the police on us!

No one in the whole parking lot did anything. They just looked, and when it was over, they went back to their business. My friends and I were all shaking and terrified, so we left immediately. Everyone slept at my house that night, since we were all too scared to be alone. Nothing like that had ever happened to any of us before. I couldn’t believe that a good friend, and myself, had been physically attacked. Attacked! For no reason! It made me afraid to leave the house for a while. And I was ashamed. I had resorted to violence, something I had always told myself I would never do. I was glad that I had hurt those punks- I was glad I had caused another human to suffer. I had never felt that way before, and it scared me. It made me sad and angry and confused. It was a shattering experience that forced me to rethink many things I had come to believe about myself and the rest of humanity. I did not know such things happened all the time, everday, everywhere. Of course I had heard people say ignorant and cruel things about gay people; my friends had been taunted, but never actually threatened.

It was a terrible thing, with no happy ending, but perhaps some good did come of it- it opened my eyes to reality, however much I may wish it hadn’t. And maybe there are two stupid rednecks who will think twice before they target anyone for casual harassment again. That would be good. But at what price was that knowledge bought? And maybe they’re too stupid to learn anything anyway.

On a good note, nothing like this has ever happened again. But everytime I think about my friends who are gay, I worry. What if they get caught alone somewhere? What if next time they’re threatened with weapons? What if they can’t get away, or fight back? What if there is no one there who will help them? What if, like everyone else in that parking lot, there is no one who cares?

46

What Lib said. Also what makes you think they would believe it?

Another tangent here because I’m thinking about it … it’s a very strange dichotomy. I HATE physical, in-person violence. The only thing it solves is who can beat the shit out of someone else (with others helping, often times). Doesn’t show who’s right. Because of that I have a hard time imagining beating someone up if I saw them gaybashing. I’d like to think I’d knock them over very quickly and painfully and say something like “Unlike you I’m not devoid of a conscience, so I’m not going to leave you bloody and broken. I see you do anything like this again and that changes.” The bare minimum of necessary violence with an appeal to humanity. Sadly, I think most of the folks who gaybash are rather beyond that appeal. And while it would be physically satisfying to give them scars to remember, it seems so … flying in the face of what the whole message is: peace. Love. Acceptance. Violence doesn’t come into that outside of boxing.

I figure probably half the time the person might come back with friends.

I’ve had a lack of sparring partners (read: target practice) for a while. I wonder if I can still punch through people…

I started doing martial arts because I was getting pummeled in school. The most important things I took from it were the fact that violence doesn’t solve anything other than who can beat up someone else and this general peace … I know I could take more people than not in a fight. But anyone can be trained to fight. How many people can be trained to think?

HATE violence. But sometimes, I think (and fear), the only way to get people to stop is to show them that you have the power. And the time comes, on occasion, when that power can only effectively be shown with fists as opposed to words.

47

I’ve been lucky; I managed to avoid being bashed, although in some cases by probably very narrow margins. Being six feet tall probably helps with that, along with avoiding the usual places where gaybashing types hang out. And I haven’t been out much at all after dark since I transitioned.

I do worry about being bashed, especially since (as a pre-op) if I am bashed I have a good chance of being slashed, and if slashed a good chance of bleeding to death while the EMTs, if they ever show up at all, laugh about my predicament instead of treating me.

48

I wish I knew what to say.

My heart is beyond breaking at this.

49

And they wonder why we need gay threads on the SDMB. This, my dear sir, is why.

50

I remember a boy in high school who was somewhat effeminate, very sensitive, involved in theater, and absolutely beautiful. To this day I do not know for a fact that he was gay, but I do suspect so. At that time, though, he had a girlfriend, a very nice girl with waist-length hair. A bunch of football players at our school tought it was the height of wit to call him names, “accidentally” shove him into lockers or trip him as he walked by. He refused to respond to the baiting, and this apparently pissed the football players off. So they grabbed him one day after school and beat the bloody hell out of him, took his girlfriend off in another direction, assaulted her and SHAVED HER HEAD. You know, to teach him a lesson. He came to school the next day, and sat numbly in our Spanish class. When the teacher (who did not know what had happened, only that Kevin was bruised and battered) called on him to read, he ignored the teacher, who then took a handkerchief out of his pocket and offered it to the boy with these words, “Gonna cry now, little girl?”

He ended up transferring to a different school. His girlfriend dropped out. I don’t know what ever happened to either of them, but I know what happened when school authorities were informed of the behavior of their football players.

Nothing.

51

I think gay people are way more fun then straight.(no offence…I’m straight, too, kinda) One of my freinds, Lawrence, was great. I’de be like, o my god, garret is SO hot! and then, he’d tell me what he thought, and we would compare notes on who’s asses where nice, which guys were dirty, and such. Being the ripe old age of 15, my morals are pretty simple. but One of them is not to treat poeple differently based on their sexual orientation, race, or looks. I’ve I’m mean to someone, its because they have said or done something to, in my view, deserve it.
Lawrence dropped out of school last year.
Why?
Because one day, some stupid kids decided to jump him and dress him in a skirt and high heels, and then proceeded to put him in the plaza where everyone wouuld see, and trip the fire alarm.(I 'm pretty sure they got that from encino man… thier simple minds couldn’t have come up with a brilliant plan like that by themselves)
I’m still a good freind with Lawrence to this day, and itdisgusts me that poeple would discriminate against poeple just becuase they like the opposite gender.
Theres nothing wrong with it. It sickens me to think that some poeple think that there is.

52

There is nothing I can say that will express the sorrow I feel for the unhuman acts of humanity. I can only say that when we met my grandmother’s new neighbor, and he said something about him and his partner moving in, I was so relieved. (Quick explanation: my grandmother’s neighborhood is not so great, and all the gay people I know [read 3] have been the nicest people I have ever known). My grandmother lives alone, and has arthritis. She tries to do her own yard work. Her new neighbors, having been there a whole week, edged her yard and driveway and trimmed her trees. They also asked if it was alright with her if they parked one of their cars in her driveway on the weekends. She was very relieved since she always sleeps at my aunts house on the weekends and is always scared that someone will break in while she is gone.

Sorry for the hijack, I just wanted to say that if my choice of friends is between someone who is gay and someone who is slightly biggoted, I will choose the gay friend.

Gosh that sounded so immature.

I, too, salute all of you that continue to be yourselves despite having to put up with all of the *&#@ that comes from those that are so inlightened.

Melissa

53

I’m at a loss for words. Never have I felt such anger from simply reading the written word. Never.

I salute you, like I have never saluted anyone in my life. You all truly are heroes.

I’m atheist, but this is one of those times I really wish there was a God out there, and that he was with you. [And they ask me why I don’t believe!]

For what it’s worth, you all have my respect and support forever.

I’m just too sad and too ashamed of humanity to write anything more.

54

Unless I’m mistaken, out of literally dozens of gaybashings talked about in this thread, not one, not even one, resulted in anyone getting arrested, convicted, tried, or even fucking talked to. These cops should be fired, stripped off their uniforms, and have their guns shoved up their asses and fired repeatedly.

And the immature teenagers I hear about. I hope those living, breathing abortions die and burn in hell to be sodomized by creatures who somehow have managed to be far worse than they.

I’m simply speechless. I knew homosexuals didn’t exactly live the good life, but this? This is what they go through? And every fucking day? I’m amazed the homosexuals in this thread survived a single day of such torment, let alone years upon years. If I was subjected to such treatment, especially knowing I could count on precisely none of the authorities to help me, I’d have shot myself inside a week. Calling you all heroes is like calling the Pacific Ocean “damp”.

And EchoKitty, there is discrimination against gays here in the US. Lots of it, more than in most industrialized nations. The only safe places for gays are in big cities like San Fransisco, New York, and Chicago, and even then, “safe” is a relative term. Just go into a small town, and the homophobia runs like June asparagus.

May God himself declare Leviticus 20:13 null and void.

55

This goes on day in and day out. And it’s not just the ‘major’ stuff either. How about when a person serving you your coffee makes a point of washing her hands after she’s touched you (yet she handles cash, touches dirty dishes and such and doesn’t)

How about when the guy who does your drycleaning asks you to put your cash on the counter instead of actually taking it from your hand?

How about when you’re seen kissing your boyfriend goodby in the morning INSIDE the front door of your house only to have “FAGGOTS!” yelled at you by the paperboy.

For you straight people - here’s an excercise: Think of the most “creative” thing that you and your SO do in the bedroom while making love. Now, imagine that everyone you came in contact with every day knew about what that most creative thing was - or thought they did. Imagine your entire life being judged by that one act. Imagine people judging your fitness as a person, a parent, a teacher, a worker, a tenant, a teammate, a friend based on that one act. Imagine that everything else about you was secondary to most people and that ONE act was the thing with which most people defined you.

How would you feel if people did that?

Imagine how the world would be if it didn’t matter?

56

There is another type of gay stories that can be told. My personal experiences:

  1. Having a 30+ year old cornering me in a public washroom when I’m 12-13 years old, pulling on his pud and asking me “Do you have the time?”. Shook me up some, once I realized what was going on.

  2. A 20+ year old Navy gay guy on leave, molesting me at a party when I was 16, and too loaded to defend myself. My friend and his buddy pulled him off me and threw him off the balcony. Too bad it was only 1 story down.

  3. My gay brother-in-law lived with a guy who had a “We’re going to get your young sons whether you like it or not, moms and dads” mindset. My understanding is that there is a group within the homosexual community who have this view. I’d de-nut this bunch.

I’ve met some decent gays, too.

FoL

57

**FOL, ** I’m a straight, heterosexual, female. Her’s some *straight * stories I can tell.

  1. I was overseas while in the Army. Straight guys hitting on you(I was married at the time) because “he’s ten thousand miles away, who’s gonna know?”

  2. After I was divorced, two different guys that I made the mistake of going out with expecting I would go to bed with them, because since I was divorced I must be “easy”

  3. When I was a kid walking home from grade school, an older guy offering me a ride home.(I refused and took off running, no problem)

No matter the orientation or gender there are predators, folks who will take advantage of the vulnerabilities of others. Those guys who bothered you are examples of such, but they don’t speak for the majority of gays, any more than the guys who bothered me are representative of straight males. But you seem to think they are, that your bad experiences give the main picture. And your “I’ve met some decent gays” comes off like “some of my best friends are XXXXX” In other words, condescending. You need to rethink your mindset.

58

Baker, I think I can add to your stories

Between my freshman and sophomore years in HS, an older man stopped me on the street. He reached over and touched my breast. When I asked him what he was doing he said “I’m just touching your breast, don’t you like it?”

Same time period, groups of guys in cars calling out to me - “What’s your bra size?”

A friend of mine was raped repeatedly for many years when she was a child, by her step father.

FOL, I’m sorry that you got raped. But that incident happened because you were attacked by rapists, not by homosexuals.

59

Some bashers are too stupid to do the math. Last year, a group of some 20 gay folk went camping together on the west coast of Kauai, planting their rainbow flags and putting up their tents for a Memorial Day get-together. I’m not gay, but I love camping, and as far as I’m concerned, these folk were just like me - looking forward to a weekend by the ocean, days of sun, nights of firelight and starlight, singing with friends and drifting off, lulled to sleep by the gentle nearby surf. What could be more wholesome and peaceful, eh?

Until a couple of yahoos decide you’re not beautifying the landscape sufficiently and set fire to your tent. And when you leave the tent, it being manifestly unhealthy to stay, try to run you down with their car. I can only begin to imagine the horror of being terrorized in this way. Only two moderately good things can be said for this incident. One is that none of the campers was seriously harmed. The other is that, contrary to the other posts on this thread, the neanderthals were arrested and charged with attempted murder. I’m sorry I don’t have an update on anything that’s happened on this since then, but here’s an article with the unfortunate gory details on the incident at the time.

I hope they throw the book at them. And I hope it means some things are changing.

60

Holy flying f**k. I knew that there was a strong streak of intolerance running through parts of the American community. But I had no idea that this kind of thing happened so frequently. Tell me life is not so bad for gays down here… anyone? Please?

I wish there was something I could say or do for you guys that would make things any better. I don’t have words to express my distress and disgust at the stories I’ve read in this thread, or my sympathy for anyone who has to put up with that kind of shit, or my admiration for you all managing to carry on with your lives and, what’s more, maintain your dignity and pride in your sexuality in the face of it.