What is Gaybashing Like?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
61

Let me chime in here to share the story of my friend Craig. He was one of my dearest friends from he day that we met during freshman orientation in college. For eleven years he was a daily part of my life, and I still have a hard time dealing with what happened to him. It was October of 1989.

He had been walking into his apartment building at about 3 am one night after a gig at a jazz club. He played upright bass, so he had to stop in the vestibule and set the instrument down and get out his keys for the security door (damn the co-op board for being too cheap to have a doorman). He hadn’t managed to get them out of his pocket when 3 guys grabbed him. They pulled him out of the building and punched, kicked and beat him, and banged his head off of the curb and the steps, shouting “Take this, faggot.” and then encouraging one another while they took turns in their brutalizing: “Smash that queer nigger!”

At one point, he tried to get them to stop brutalizing him by offering a warning: “Don’t do this, you don’t want to get my blood on you. I have AIDS.” (He was HIV+) But they already had his blood on him (he was probably too out of it to realize how badly he was hurt by them) and hearing this just served to make them angry. They found the metal part of a bicycle wheel and used it to bash his skull in. They beat him so severely that one of his eyes was simply gone, popped out of the socket and severed and somewhere no longer attached to his body, and all of his teeth were broken. (He had beautiful eyes and a gorgeous smile. They ruined him.)

The only person who saw anything was a little elderly lady who lived on the ground floor of the building. She knew that she couldn’t physically stop them. She was also unable to shout because she had a mechanical voice box which couldn’t amplify enough to be heard from inside the building. She banged on her window in hopes that they would hear, realize that they were being watched, and would be scared off, that but they didn’t, or maybe they didn’t care. She called 911 and stood at her window and waited and prayed. The punks ran when they heard the sirens.

The neighbor lady went down to wait with my friend until the ambulance came. While she waited, Craig’s roommate arrived. Somehow, he and the lady were both allowed to ride with Craig to the hospital. I don’t know why the lady felt compelled to go along, but when she got to the emergency room, she gave the police all of the details. She saw and heard everything and gave great descriptions of all three perpetrators.

Craig woke up just long enough to thank her before he lost consciousness permanently. There was an uncontrolled bleed in his brain that they couldn’t fix in the emergency room, and he died before they could get him upstairs to surgery. His roommate had called me and told me to run, and I did. The hospital was four blocks from my apartment, but I didn’t make it in time.

One of the bastards was caught, he and another thug friend were beating on a couple of kids coming out of a gay bar. The neighbor identified him, and he made a plea agreement that will have him in prison for at least another fifteen years or so. (Not nearly enough.) He has, to this day, refused to name his accomplices in Craig’s murder. They were never found.

This has taken me over forty-five minutes to type because I have to keep stopping to cry and then get over my anger. I’ve seen the piece of garbage that is in prison, and in a fair fight, Craig would’ve wiped the floor with him. (Craig was 6"3’ maybe 175, very buff, a major gym fiend.) Three against one in the dark with a weapon, and he stood no chance. These little sniveling, craven objects of filth never make the fight fair. They rove in packs because they know one on one they’d be decimated. They have no decency, no honor and no humanity. They are scum. It is my only small hope that somewhere, somehow, the two who escaped the clutches of criminal justice system met a far worse fate. (In fact, I had a rather sick dream that they grew up and became stockbrokers and worked for Cantor Fitzgerald. That would’ve been about fair.)

62

FoL, while it sucks that happened to you, those guys spoke for all homosexuals about as much as all the gaybashers talked about in this thread speak for all heterosexuals.

63

Every so often I find a thread that shakes me to the core.

This is one of them. I wish I could embrace all of you who have suffered so, for something that is simply inherent in who you are.

I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to be persecuted constantly for something that is not only beyond my control, but so much a part of me as the blood in my veins.

I’ll pray for all of you to simply receive the basest of all freedoms, the chance to simply be.

:frowning:

64

Warning: My one serious post.

It’s like having your best friend tell you that he’d like to kick your ass and see you lying beaten on the sidewalk.

:frowning:

65

I was gaybashed once–and I’m straight:

I was a freshman at Georgia Tech, and it was 1989. I was also, I should mention, extremely drunk. I was at a friend’s dorm room, and we’d been drinking all night, and for some reason I’d gone outside to get some air or something.

Now, I’ve always been “accused” of being gay. I’ve got a slight build, and a very young, pretty-boy face, and long (back then), curly, blond hair (gay Dopers, please feel free to call me sexy; I’m taking what I can get these days).

Anyway, I’m standing outside the dorm by myself, smoking a cigarette or something, and two guys walk by. One of them is clearly drunk, and shouts, “Hey faggot!” I turned around and said, “Me?” (Oh, I am the very picture of eloquence.) He said, “Yeah, you, you f***ing pussy!” His friend, who appears to be sober, is grinning. I said, “Goddam right I’m gay! Come over here and say that!”

To my distress, he did.

He got right up in my face (I was backed up against a brick wall) and said, “I’m talking to YOU, fag!”

I hadn’t been in a fight since about fifth grade, but I could tell it was time, so I kicked, or rather stomped, right on his knee, as hard as I could. I could hear the knee go pop and he shouted and went down holding it. At this point his sober-ish friend, shouting that I was a “boyfucker” (only time I’ve heard that particular epithet used), came at me.

I’m thinking, dimly through the booze, that MAN, that knee-kicking thing works like a charm! So I do it again as Soberish Dude approaches. And I’ll be damned, it works again! He had his fists up and a bloodthirsty grin, but no defense on his knees, and I stomped him and he went down too.

I was pretty shocked, both by being in a fight and by my own badass-ness in taking down TWO attackers, but I somehow retained enough presence of mind to say something like, “Next time, don’t f*** with a faggot!”

Anyway, I went back inside and told my friends what had happened, and they went outside while I had a drink for my nerves, and then they came back in and said they’d found the guys, “instructed them as to the benefits of a homosexual lifestyle,” and roughed them up a bit. For all I know they were lying, but I like to think those guys learned a lesson. I doubt that it changed their minds, but heck, at least I briefly felt like a gay hero.

Of course, I never even had a punch landed on me, so I don’t count as a REAL hero. But if any of our gay friends compatriots needs a straight guy to back them up, I’m your man, be it in a fight or in a debate.

66

I can’t quote statistics or anything but I’ve got a few good gay friends of the family here and as far as I know non of them have had anything more than verbal harrasment.

67

Verbal harassment can be nearly as bad, especially when one is lead to believe that their life is on the line.

Case in point, three weeks ago, I was walking with a group of friends. One was in mixed drag (skirt and blouse but he took off his wig) and we were crossing a street. We were waiting for the crosswalk light to turn when a guy who was chatting on his cell phone looked up, rolled down his window and said very calmly, “I have nothing to lose if I run the lot of you over.”

Needless to say, we waited for him to leave before crossing the street. It made me think more about crossing the street anyway.

68

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by jackelope *
…so I kicked, or rather stomped, right on his knee, as hard as I could. I could hear the knee go pop and he shouted and went down holding it."

That move, FWIW, is one of three I would ever use to incapacitate someone. Other two are throat and crotch shots.

The nose one is an idea, but it’s A) much more difficult to do and B) they can still walk.

69

I just got done reading all of these posts and comments… All these stories and everything make me so upset. I’m angry and sad and confused and hurt all at the same time. I’m 16, female, bisexual. I’ve never been bashed on for being what I am. When I was reading all I could think about was my friend Chase. He’s openly gay, flamboyant, it’s sort of obvious but people still wonder about it, but I’m really worried something might happen to him. Just thinking about it is about to make me cry and I don’t cry easily. As a final thought… I would stand by someone who was gay, even if I didn’t know them. I know I would NEVER let something like that happen. If I saw someone in trouble like that… I would definately interfere, even if it means I get hurt.

I’m really sorry all this has happened to some of you and your friends…

70

:frowning: . Can I say a thank you to all the people who went through all of this, but stayed loud and proud and open, and made the way for those of us making our way now?

The worst I’ve endured is having the stickers on my car vandalized while it was parked- and I live in TEXAS for the gods’ sake. That’s nothing compared to the kind of stuff you guys (and gals) went through. Rock on.

LC

72

And you point is, jbt_wutang711? I note your post count still says “zero.”

73

jbt_wutang711, you little pube. Learn to spell and find the fuckin’ cap key. I’m devastated that you don’t like me…really. Kisses, dahling!!!

74

Oh, lokkit, a new pet! Can we keep him, ma? Huh? Can we?

Oh, damn. He just peed on the floor.

Someone really oughta clean that up…

75

I’d like to echo Libertarian’s comment and state that I have stood against discrimination based upon sexual orientation in the past and intend to do so in the future. I have also helped educate people who still think “That’s so gay” is fun and harmless, that it’s in fact a bigoted statement. If I ever encounter a physical demonstration of bigotry I hope for the courage and wisdom to help the victim even if it means risking myself. I have never been tested, I hope I never am, but if the day ever comes, I hope to pass the test.

Enjoy,
Steven

76

As I was walking to my 5th period math class the other day (high school. yeah, I know :rolleyes:) I saw a certain person being punched repeatedly by another with the telltale look of inbreeding in him, with shouts of “gay” and “shit”, and even “gay shit”. It seems the certain individual recieving the beating (who is the most ah, showing, homosexual in my school. But he’s also autistic and err, special in other ways; which explains most of his actions. He’s become a sort of amusement for the jocks, who might follow him around sometimes to get him to do something that will make them all laugh. The Minstrel fuck. It’s damn hard to be out in this school with him around, everyone assumes you have “wild crazy butt sex” together every night. Because all homosexuals are like that :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :mad:. I guess I hate him too, maybe more than the haters do. I think all the people in the Village don’t like him, just him existing makes it hard on the rest of us.) Well anyways, it seems that person had grabbed/made a serious pass at the inbred who decided to throw him up by a wall and punch him; taunting him too. Most people in the hall stopped to stare, one teacher who was right there yelled him to stop but he didn’t. She walked up to him, “stop! stop!” “gay! you’re gay!” then had to force him away and into an AP office. I thought to myself/said aloud “what the hell was that about?!”. I kept walking.

77

I’m a 5’2" woman who has never been in a fight in my life. I’m not a violent person. However, I have a temper. I can snap. I’m also bipolar and I think that this affects it when I snap… but I have thrown my dad up against the wall… I have thrown big office chairs through the air across the room. I have kicked open locked doors.

If I ever saw someone doing any of this gaybashing shit, I’d end up in prison for the rest of my life.

78

When I was a young scrawny 14-year old, full of myself and full of hormones, I did a lot of anti-social things, from the mundane of streaking the bowling alley to the meaner of snowballs at unsuspecting people or once stripping a sort-of friend in the middle of winter, pushing him out of the car, and when we came back to pick him up, he had gone across the cornfield and walked back home. So while I am a pretty nice guy now, I was no angel while younger.

But sometimes I wonder about one incident. During a Saturday lunch break at a factory in downtown Des Moines, my friend and I threw some firecrackers in the town’s one gay bar. Well, neither one of us were over 120 lbs sopping wet, and some huge bull of a man came running out, so we ran, of course, hoping not to get killed.

A gay friend of mine some years later felt that what we did was gay-bashing, but I would like to think of it more as us choosing any available target. The bar was about the only establishment open other than a lunch counter where we were well-known. Were we punks? Yes. Am I ashamed of how I used to behave? Yes. But to this day, I am not sure if I deliberately selected a gay target. I hope not. But I have to accept the possibilitiy.

What makes this point important is that I am not anti-gay. A gay friend invited me to this thread, and while showing horses, I became very close to many fine people. One of the fondest memories of a conversation was one with a gay friend while he opened up and told me of his struggles not to be gay, then his ultimate acceptance. Gay, straight, asexual–how you can contribute to my journey through life is far more important than who you do or do not sleep with.

So if I can have an incident of gay-bashing, then this is really a pretty insidious problem.

79

This is a very educational thread to this hetrosectarian. Thanks for sharing your stories.

80

This is one of the most important threads in SDMB history. I hope it never dies.

81

Just out of curiosity, has anyone here ever been gaybashed by someone who was openly non-heterosexual? I think the closest I’ve ever come was my roommate repeatedly saying, in my presence, that I wasn’t bisexual, I just didn’t know what I wanted. Not entirely violent physical action, of course, but rather disturbing nonetheless.