I need a balance. I’ve been fortunate enough never to have a job I didn’t like, so I look forward to dropping the kids off at school and going off to my tidy office to do some intellectually challenging and socially useful stuff and talk to grownups. I don’t work 50 hours a week, and I don’t work with jerks or idiots and never have.
That makes cooking and cleaning and kid stuff a refreshing change instead of a daily grind, at least for me.
While I have a lot of respect for anyone who can handle the work of being a SAHM (I couldn’t handle kids in any capacity), I think it was a bit short-sighted of the woman to not complete her degree. If something happened to her husband, she would find she’s an undereducated single mother who has to find a job to support her kid(s).
Sounds like you’re very content, Auntbeast. I’m happy for you.
I think that’s the real difference between men and women right there. My husband and I get up at the same time on the weekend - by lunch, I’ve had a shower, done my hair, done a load of laundry, made breakfast, made the bed, cleaned the bathroom, and am now making lunch. He’s had breakfast.
You know, the degree isn’t a guarantee of a job. I’m an educated single mom who had to find a job. I have a BS in English Education…but when I found myself divorced and broke, I would have had to go back to school to reinstate my certification, and we simply didn’t have the money, or the time. I had to find a job RIGHT NOW and schools, when they are hiring, don’t hire for RIGHT NOW. So I started in retail to put food on the table and keep the lights on. Actually, I started that before the divorce, but for the same reasons. I did get to work as a substitute teacher for two years, but because I had to sandwich it in between my full-time job (for the health benefits) and my part-time job (for a bit of extra cash) I didn’t get called that much, and after the superintendent of schools told me my daughter would end up as a streetwalker (my kids went to that school system…it’s a long, long story) and screamed at me (he didn’t know I was one of his employees at the time, but he found out later) I didn’t get offered a contract for the next year. And now I’d have to go back to school for even more classes, and it doesn’t appeal to me…teaching, that is…another long story. So here I am, full-time in retail, barely making ends wave at each other from a distance. The degree is no guarantee.
If it’s just a paycheck, I’d say you’re working the wrong job. I work as a graduate student in astronomy and I certainly don’t do it for the paycheck, although I get enough to get by. I like to work and to meet intellectually exciting people with whom I can talk about my work. While it’s frustrating at times, it’s not something I’d want to give up.
That said, I would like to have children with my husband after grad school and I find the prospect enormously challenging. I have no idea how to handle a post-doc and children at once - I can barely handle grad school as it is. Also, I have a feeling that my current nesting instinct (I really enjoy puttering about my house) will become even greater once I have kids than it is now. I wish it could be easier to have my cake and eat it too, because I have a feeling that at least some amount of guilt will be involved if I decide to work full-time while raising children.
It’s nice that you’ve found a happy place to be, Auntbeast, and I wish you luck!
I wish I could be a housewife. I love cooking. My son is grown and out of the house, but my Dad lives with me and my husband. I enjoy cooking, and believe it or not, to some extent I like cleaning. At least I like the results! I have found I have some knack at decorating, too. I’m 48, and have begun to experiment (finally!) with hair styles and makeup, and -gasp- manicures and pedicures.
It’s fun to have a nice clean house! I love to work too, so part time would be best for me. Alas, it’s not to be, not if we want to pay the bills!
Congrats on finding what makes you happy, Auntbeast.
Most people are in “the wrong job”, and that’s because there are an extremely limited number of, for example, grad student in astronomy slots to be filled. In Boston, we have mailroom clerks with MBAs and Ph.Ds, there’s a glut of educated people, all of whom went to school thinking they’d set their chosen fields on fire, and 97% of whom now sit in a cubicle and are slaves to a “to do” list so banal and tedious and repetetive as to make you cry for days if you actually *think * about it. This is not what anyone wants to do when they grow up. But this is what the vast majority of jobs ARE. The fact is that the world is always going to employ 10,000 data entry clerks to every 1 art curator or literary critic or research scientist or astronomer.
It’s not surprising that many people would find full time homemaking more fulfilling. After all, what is it but a form of self-employment, which most people wouldn’t question is preferable to punching buttons for The Company!
It’s not gender-specific either. My Pop got to retire early from a job he hated and does all the housework now. It doesn’t hurt that he’s compulsively clean and organized, and a control freak!
Hi - new Doper here… couldn’t resist commenting on “the wrong job”
I know exactly what you mean! I was in “the wrong job” for 8 years (turning down people for loans sucks!) and went back to school. I knew I’d like me new profession (teaching) but I had no idea I would LOVE it. Kittenblue, I agree, substitute teaching isn’t for everyone, but for me, now that I’m in “the right job” I’m so much happier.
Way to go Auntbeast! There’s nothing like finding what really makes you happy!
Well, I don’t know about PhDd and MBAs in the mail room, but I think a lot of people have some misconceptions about what a “job” is. A lot of jobs seem exciting when you’re a kid or when you see them in the media, but they all can be pretty tedious when it comes right down to it.
Oh…you girls are so excitable. Why do you go calm down with a nice scented bubblebath?
Thank you. I don’t hold it against you, StarrySpice, but what you said made me heave an angry sigh and roll my eyes. I have a Ph.D. Grad school was easy and fun. I went to lots of great conferences. I actually published rather a lot. I got awards. I was Something Special.
Well, guess what, grad school’s over, it’s job search season and there were exactly 14 professorship openings in my area. I still haven’t gotten an interview for any of them. So guess what it is for me? High paid but frustrating industry job. Welcome to life.
At least all of that money will make my few precious hours to myself that much more fun. Ain’t nothing wrong with being able to buy all the domestic stuff I love. Now if it could only buy me more time and mental space to do the research I want to do…
Yeah, that’s the problem with academia, one that frustrates me quite a lot too: You have to be extremely flexible about moving around in order to get a job. First applying for postdocs and then tenure-track professorships means that you have to move at least 2 times, if not more. I know people that go to Japan to work for a year, and I really don’t think I could uproot myself (or my future children) like that.
I know I’m naive about real-life jobs since most of my jobs have been science and/or school-related, but I still hold the opinion that if you don’t like your job, you should leave and try to get one that will be more fulfilling. This depends on the job market, and sometimes you have to wait a little to try, or switch to a different field or type of job. I’m including stay-at-home moms as an alternative job in that statement.
Hopefully I’ll be able to hold on to that naive opinion once I graduate.
(Btw, grad school was easy? I’ve never had a harder job in my life. Being a student was easy, but research sure isn’t.)