What is happening to me?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

It has been a rough few years for my marriage. (As chronicled here)

That being said, I’m 39, a new Mom and am trying to figure out what would really make me happy. I’ve always worked and taken care of myself. I have always been a tad too independent, opinionated and outgoing.

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and what I am discovering is what I can only describe as my inner 50’s era housewife. I am only working part time now since I had my daughter and due to that, I have much more time to devote to crap like learning how to cook, doing laundry and what I consider to be “house keeping.”

I’m discovering that I enjoy cooking. I enjoy having a well stocked pantry and freezer. I am focusing more on my daughter and husband than before. I’m able to do things for him that I didn’t do before. (Don’t fret, I’m not ironing his clothes, yet) but I am finding satisfaction in taking care of my family and my home. As I delve deeper into this world I find that I rarely want to leave it and am resentful of things that take away from it.

We have made the decision to move to a home that has a couple of acres so we can have a bit more personal freedom as well as financial freedom. I’m looking forward to gardening. I like the idea of having chickens and goats and such.

On a personal level, I’m also focusing more on myself. I’m playing with make up more, getting interested in cute clothes again and find myself feeling overall, more feminine. I’m discovering that my mind is expanding as I continue learning about different things and that I have even MORE of a curiosity than before.

My husband is enjoying the hell out of it too. He notices that I am more content, less stressed out and more attentive.

My daughter? Well, she’s the bees knees. Is vivacious, outgoing and fearless. While the day is coming she will need to be around other kids, she certainly is flourishing being with me.

I want to live in the country, be able to sit on my porch, look at my daughter that I made picking flowers I grew. I want my husband to live in a world where he can take care of his wife and child. He needs it as much as I need to know that he can.

I want a pretty apron too. God help me.

2

You’re growing into contentment.

Congratulations. Enjoy.

3

It all sounds lovely to me.

You’ve had a very turbulent series of years, and I can see all the satisfaction and fulfillment that can come from creating and then investing yourself in a stable, loving and truly nurturing environment. More power to you!

You sound as if (maybe mostly tongue-in-cheek) you’re a little ashamed to be embracing some cliches of the traditionally female role in the home. Who cares? If you enjoy them, you enjoy them! As have generations of women (and men!) before you. Live it up! Make your family and your home what you want it to be! If nothing else, you’re building a terrific launching pad for the adventures you’ll choose to have later, not to mention the ones you’ll have whether you choose to or not.

4

Sounds like nesting, to me. I’m glad you are happy!

Want a couple of boarders???

5

Some times it helps to see that something horrible has happened to someone else, as that way one can better appreciate one’s own situation a little better by being more thankful.

The other day, having not much to do, I Googled “M-80 accidents” and came upon a picture of a guy that had an accident with one. It showed his hand blown mostly off, and with bones and tendons hanging out all over the place. Seeing it helped bring me out of my melancholy; perhaps you might want to take a look at it, too. (I’d link it but I haven’t learned how to perform that function yet on this cool Imac, which makes me feel a little sad … :wink:

6

Oops! I said I Googled “M-80 ‘accidents,’” meant “M-80 ‘injuries.’” (If you go check 'em out, don’t do it before dinner. Yuck!)

7

Ah, the glories of being a woman! Welcome home!

I have friends who look at me as if I’m crazy when I tell them how much I miss having a husband and a family and a home to take care of. When I tell them that not one minute of my life in the working world felt as good as being home did, or that not one single paycheck has made me feel as content as I did when I was a homemaker, they smile politely and then turn away. Today I had the day off, and did laundry for my daughter, made a ham and asparagus quiche from the Easter leftovers, made avocado sorbet, and now I’m going to clean my living room (or sew a lining for the purse I felted…can’t decide yet) and I feel happy and productive. At work I just feel stressed and underpaid.

I’m glad you are feeling content. Enjoy your home and your family and the wonderful feeling that taking care of people gives you.

And if you know any single guys, 50 and older, let me know.

8

I’ll take three of you!!!

You remind me of that movie from the '70s called “Steppford Wives.” It portrayed an idealized world where women actually loved their husbands and families the way you do. Great flick!

Seriously, you sound like a very wonderful, WONERFUL lady. Your husband is a lucky man!! :slight_smile:

9

I totally understand, and I’m 26 and unmarried (and childless). It is basically the great tragedy of my life that I have to have a job. I mean… who cares about the job? What do you get from it except your paycheck? Housework, on the other hand, is enormously fulfilling and you reap the benefits for yourself and the people you love.

I totally work to live, not live to work.

Offices stink.

10

It is the great tragedy of most of our lives that we have to have jobs. I think we could all find more happiness and fulfillment if we had the time and resources to pursue our dreams.

11

Man checking in here.

See…you ladies are basically learning what we men have always known - work freakin sucks. Sure women initally wanted careers because they associated them with financial independence and fullfillment. Little secret? It’s not all that fullfulling having to show up to a cubicle 50+ hours a week to take orders from some jerk of a boss.

So yeah, you’ve basically figured out that hanging out watching TV, straightening up the house and playing with your kids is a lot more fun than working all day.

12

No disrespect msmith537, but I am never the one to turn the TV on in my house. I’m not talking about sitting around eating bonbons. I’m talking about a new found joy in truly being a wife and mother. I assure you, I’m only working outside the home about 25 hours a week, and that ain’t nothing compared to hours I put in at home. I’m just amazed at how much pride I can have at the things I am doing much more of now.

I’ve never been the kind of girl that needed to be taken care of. Hell, I’m pretty low maintenance all around. However, it seems MY need to take care of others is rearing its head in ways I had not expected.

I do enjoy my job and I’ve always enjoyed working. Even tonight, when a customer told me he should slap me for a misdeal. Or when another guy gave me a serious “go to hell” look and told me I needed to learn to shuffle because he had gotten the same cards 3 times. (It’s trickier than he imagines, hold 'em moves the starting player one spot each hand and we had one less player in one of the hands which means I’d have to figure out which seat he was in (5) where the button was located (1) and calculate which card (the 4th) he got first AND second (10th) whereas on the second deal he would have been the (3rd) and 8th card. Not to mention, I don’t give a fuck.

13

I don’t want to conquer “The Man’s World” on men’s terms in men’s clothing. I want to be exactly who I want to be, and if that means working in a female occupation, or even staying home and looking after a house, that’s what I’m going to do.

My husband tells me of a time when he was in University, and a fellow student got pregnant and was planning to drop out and be a mom and wife. She was not happy at school, and was thrilled to get married and have a baby. He talks about how all the other female students were pissing and moaning at her throwing her life and potential away instead of supporting her. So, here’s some support for you, AuntBeast. If it’s making you happy, maybe it’s not such a bad thing. :slight_smile:

14

That’s what you think being a stay-at-home wife and mother is all about, huh?

15

I really wish I could spend a lot more time at home cleaning and looking after kids as well…on the other hand, I know from experience that I’m miserable as hell when I don’t have a job. I guess part-time work would be my ideal situation.

16

Count me among those who feel that “housework” is much more personally fulfilling than anything I do at the office. However (to me), financial independence is much more fulfilling than housework, so… hi ho, hi ho.

17

We have some things in common, so I completely understand where you’re coming from. I DO work full time…at a rather demanding job actually. I’m a highly paid (by my standards) science and medical writer in biotech who works at LEAST 40 hours a week on a strict deadline basis. I enjoy my job and like the benefits it affords me and wouldn’t give it up.

That said, I love, love, LOVE cooking dinner for my husband. I’m 37 and after years of swearing I’d never change my name, I got married in July and did just that. I rush home after work, peel the spuds (married an Irishman, god love him) and make the bed. I throw in any necessary laundry and tidy up the kitchen. Because we both work, we have a housekeeper for the stuff that I’m not as good at or don’t have time for like cleaning bathrooms and scrubbing floors. But I still have to stay that I know what you mean.

I think part of this comes from the other people in your life though. When I cook my husband a meal, he eats it and then says, “Thanks baby, that was beautiful!” Even if it’s just a potato and some grilled chicken.

Yeah, I know…we’re still newlyweds. But he’s been an appreciative, easy-to-please, loving person since I met him and I expect him to continue to be so, since that’s how he treats his other family.

Now, I have a few suggestions for you. First of all…take up knitting. It’s SO great to give someone something you made. There are endless cute, cute things you can do for your daughter! I can show you how.

Ditto for sewing and jewelry making. Wearing something you made and giving the same to people you care about is SO rewarding. Plus, you’ll feel even MORE like a proper housewife!

18

Yeah. So go open your Pit thread now. :rolleyes:

Well…I would sit around eating Bonbons, watching TV and maybe playing X-Box with the kids (after the chores are done), but that’s me. :smiley:

My point is that running your house will generally be a lot more rewarding than your job because it’s YOUR house. You might like your job, but it’s still basically working to build someone else’s dream. Coworkers are not family and as much as I like mine, I’m pretty sure a few months after either of us leave the company, that’s the last we’ll see of each other.

19

I don’t have time. When I’m not working my real job, I’m watching television and “straightening up the house”, big boy.

20

I’ll ignore my ire for a bit to point out that I’ve tried knitting. Unfortunately, I’m a lefty which makes it interesting. That and my daughter just LOVES to see what I’m doing. It is on my list of things I wanna do. I bought some different needles and yarn, now if I could just get this house packed up and moved…I might could have a hobby that doesn’t involve chainsaws, paint rollers and boxes…

You know, it’s funny. My husband gets my daughter all to himself one day a week and he always complains about how little he can get done around the house with her. And every week he is dumbfounded at all I’ve been able to accomplish while dealing with her AND making as much money as he does (in half the time).

Gotta run, dinners on and I need to set the table, hubby had a hard day and I’m making oven roasted chicken that has an amazing balsamic vinegar/rosemary thing going on. BTW, I love my Romertopf. Screw the crockpot.