heh-heh, Dick Leaky, heh-heh
There is something unique about our armpits, too, which need to be sprayed with pore-clogging substances and adorned with masking fragrances. And only humans have breath so foul it needs mouthwash and toothbrushing. And humans are the only animals that need to remove boogers with lacy hankies or processed forest products…
Need? There is the option of using one’s own lung-power, the way nature intended.
“Huh” right back at you. From the wiki on fiber:
I should say though, even though I put this as my #1 thing, the list was in no particular order. I don’t think it’s the most important factor.
Insert “Well, he’s your dog” punchline here?
My wife and daughter both have long hair (or at least I suppose they are the source) and on occasion my dog will pass a turd that remains attached by a hair that runs into the fundament. The dog’s immediate reaction is to attempt “scooting” which would, of course, make the mess worse. I am usually quick enough to use a poop bag to grasp the nugget and withdraw the hair.
Um, how exactly does a softer stool or a decreased transit time reduce the need for wiping your ass?
Dogs can have pretty foul breath sometimes. And there are toothbrushes and toothpastes intended for use by dog owners to brush their pets’ teeth.
When you consume sufficient fiber, your stools make a clean break. No peanut butter! Saves on forest products. Give it a try.
One of my cats does this semi-regularly. They also lick their rear ends if they feel the urge to do so.
We don’t have tails, either. Some animals use those to, ahem, divert things. SFW.
A diet high in fiber results in not just softer, but slippery stools that are well formed, and drop off with little residue left behind. Really. Low fiber diets result in hard stools that scrape their way slowly through the anus or sticky stools that cling. Either way, more residue.
TMI, but when I wipe after I’ve actually remembered to take all my fiber supplements for a couple of days, there’s nothing on the paper. So I wipe again to make sure, because I’m a silly monkey of habit.
as a long-time animal person, I can assure you this is true. Dogs, cats, horses, cows, sheep, often get really gross butts but they just don’t really care. Even if they have a bout of diarrhea that ends up with the entire back half covered with feces. Eventually it dries out and flakes off. It posses no health risk, it’s just something that bothers modern humans. Probably didn’t bother your ancestors. They bathed rarely and were probably covered with animal manure, mud, sweat, and let’s not even think about it all of the time.
Wasn’t it the movie “Road to Wellville” where the Dr. Kellogg character boasts " I eat no meat, only raw vegetables and whole grains, and my turds have the consistency and smell of a fresh muffin…"
Which is why Kellogg’s Muffins never caught on as part of a balanced breakfast! 
CMC fnord!
Dude, I am so glad that this post went in a different direction than I first thought.
A hoof makes even getting paper off the role a saga. Bears use a bunny to wipe if one is handy. We wipe (or clean up in whatever way) because crap does not always come out solidly with enough mucus to make for a relatively clean dump. Animals don’t really give a shi+ about shi++ing. They actually make judgements about the health of each other by the smells of piss and shi+. To us, other people’s shi+ just stinks most foul. It is a measure of one’s hygiene and social adeptness to not catch a whiff of shi+ or an eau de phartois (as it were). But make no mistake, we ARE animals–we are just mostly in denial about that and wiping ass is part of it.
↑ ↑ ↑ This…
Butt I like the bunny way also because it feels so good. 
I agree with this 100%.
It works with dogs, too, but backwards-most dry dog foods are grain-based and have fiber added to produce a fairly large, soft poop that tends to leave butt residue behind and smears on the grass when you try to pick it up. If you feed a dog a basically fiber-free diet based on meat, organs, and bones, the dog produces very hard, small poops that leave no butt residue behind. Nor do they leave sticky smears on the grass when you go to pick them up.
It seems like the more fiber I eat, the MORE times I need to wipe my buttocks.
Dogs do this because of impacted anal glands, not shit stuck to their butts. You need to see a vet to get them cleared out before they become infected. People don’t have anal glands.