A Manhattan man slit his throat and wrist and stabbed himself in the chest before leaping to his death from his ninth-floor apartment in waht apparently was a suicide…
http://nydailynews.com/2002-05-02/News_and_Views/Crime_File/a-149532.asp
Maybe if we see more writing like this, we CAN consider Geraldo “Duck! It’s a chair!” Rivera a journalist.
I’ve got a real Lulu. About 3 years ago I had an arborist on my property doing some work. He advised me that one of my trees had some disease and was dying. I said that seeing the particular disease wouldn’t affect my other trees, I wouldn’t cut down this tree until it was actually dead or unsightly.
Then this guy says:
"But this tree is suffering. It’s very sick. You need to put it out of it’s misery or you’re being cruel".
:eek:
This guy was serious folks. He’s talking about a damn tree having feelings!
The bad news: I don’t get the “40% of all sick days are taken on either Friday or Monday” joke
The good news: I’m admitting this in the appropriate thread
Not to put too fine a point on it, Monday and Friday constitute 40% of the days in the work week.
A local radio station has a call-in contest. When they hear the goddam ka-ching/people screaming in joy/sound clip that usually happens right in the middle of a song I like, they are spposed to call (prefix) EASY-WIN.
The DJs have had to make frequent remiders that the spelling is EASY-WIN. Apparantly, a LOT of vaccumheads have been calling into the station saying, “There aren’t enough letters in the number!” They were trying to spell E-Z WIN.
bangs head against wall
Unsure how these stack up:
Getting acquainted with a new student in college dorm, the talk turned to likes and dislikes. New guy solemnly announces that “if there is something he can’t stand it’s something he despises.” That took about 30 seconds to process and we let it pass. That stuff was a habit with him, but we never figured out whether innocent inanity or calculated because we wanted to hear the next one.
Next Case: TV reporter speaking live from shore of local lake about littered beach, “There are cans laying over over the place.” I didn’t hear the rest as I tried to imagine what to call offspring of a union between Cheerwine and Pabst. We are ever in an abusive relationship with the Mother Tongue!
My sister in the grocery store following my assertion that mangos are delicious:
“Is this a mango”? Holding up a coconut. I said “Jesus, no that’s not a mango!” she gets flustered and says “Well, I don’t know what a mango looks like!!” to which I yelled “Well, you know what a freaking coconut looks like!” She regarded it another moment and said “Yeah, I guess I do”. Holy shit. If you could have seen the people around us.
My mother regarding child sweatshops:
“Well, those kids have to work, too and earn money to live!”
Me, while driving with my friend Laura, born and raised in Chicago…(driving to downtown Chicago)
“Holy shit- what is that huge body of water in the middle of the city?” I thought she was going to throttle me. I really didn’t know.
Two occasions come to mind.
On a flight over the Atlantic. Young Swedish girl, prolly going overseas the first time, to work as a Nanny, tries to be sophisticated when ordering from the stewardess:
“I vant a visky on de rocks vid ice!”
Small grocery store in Chicago. Standing in line after two enormous women, the 250 lb variety. Both one is unloading her shopping cart, which is full of non-diet pop, potato chips, tv-dinners, peanuts candybars and whatnot. She remarks to the other:
“Didya know there is less potassium in whole milk, than in nonfat.”
I got that part. But I don’t see how it automatically follows that each of the five days gets 10% of the sick days. Statistics are supposed to reflect patterns, like “90% of all paper cuts happen on Monday”.
But did you know that 50% of all lawyers in the US graduated in the bottom half of their class?
Not stupid, but I could have said it better: Once, in Pittsburgh, I had to get from point A to point B in order to see an installation. The bus between those two places ran infrequently, so my choice was either to take the early bus and get there 25 minutes before the event started, or take the later bus and get there almost an hour after opening. I took the early bus.
Event host: You’re here early.
Me: Well, if I had’na been early, I woulda been late.
Huh? Do you need a chart?
Monday = 20%
Tuesday = 20%
Wednesday = 20%
Thursday = 20%
Friday = 20%
Where does the “But I don’t see how it automatically follows that each of the five days gets 10% of the sick days” line figure in all this??? If people are not using their sickdays for anything but being sick, then the sickdays would be roughly distributed equally throughout the week because germs don’t care what day of the week it is.
I don’t know either…born and raised in Florida…where right now, most of our big bodies of water are dried up little puddles. You should see so-called lakefront property now…there’s a dock leading out to a meadow full of grass.
Please stamp out my ignorance in this area and tell me what’s in the middle of the city? I will then stand patiently as the shrieks of laughter waft over me…
Scene: On the bus, going to the mall last week.
Just down the road from my place is an outdoor Baseball Stadium. It’s been there about 10 years and the Ottawa Lynx play there. And, Ottawa just got a new CFL team…
Young girl #1: Wow, what are all those seats for over there?
Young girl #2: Oh, I think they’re for people to sit on when they play football
Young girl #1: I wouldn’t go there, wouldn’t the seats be all dirty??
It’s a good thing some seats opened up further back or the s/o and I likely would have been caught laughing at these two.
Since I haven’t been quoted here (yet), I guess it’s safe to post.
On the subject of Cinco de Mayo - in an office I worked in a few years ago, they had a party on the Friday preceeding the holiday. It just happened to fall on the 3rd. The office manager hung a huge banner over the food table that read “Cinco de Tres.” Fifth of Three? I about killed myself laughing.
Not speaking Spanish doesn’t make you an idiot. Deciding to make posters in a language you don’t speak is pushing it, though.
The “huge body of water in the middle of the City” she was referring to was probably LAKE MICHIGAN, which borders the city on the east.
If germs don’t care what day of the week it is, then it could just as easily be:
Monday = 13%
Tuesday = 31%
Wednesday = 16%
Thursday = 19%
Friday = 21%
There’s a fixed number of work days. There is not a fixed number of sick days to be “distributed equally throughout the week”.
You said yourself that people get sick when they get sick. Tuesday would probably have the highest incident of sick days, because people would contract something over the weekend, incubate it on Monday, and be overwhelmed by it on Tuesday. And since it seems like you were trying to get your boss to believe that fraud would be committed, it would be logical for him to think that people were calling off on Friday or Monday when they weren’t sick, to protract their weekend.
That’s assuming 1 day incubation period for germs and that you’re more likely to catch something on the weekend rather than during the week; both of those are pretty big assumptions to make. For instance, I work in a hospital. My husband works for the post office, where their ventilation systems were shut down for quite some time due to the anthrax scare. For us, the workplace is the biggest source of infections. I’m sure that’s true for many people who don’t work in quite the same conditions as well.
g/f, regarding the recent school shooting in Germany:
Her: “That’s why I hate America.”
Me: ?
DeniseV: All right: you’re the one with the medical training. But I stand by my assertion: There is not a fixed number of sick days to be evenly distributed among the fixed number of work days.
Richiam, from Britannica.com:
Main Entry: joke
Pronunciation: 'jOk
Function: noun
Etymology: Latin jocus; perhaps akin to Old High German gehan to say, Sanskrit yAcati he asks
Date: 1670
1 a : something said or done to provoke laughter; especially : a brief oral narrative with a climactic humorous twist b (1) : the humorous or ridiculous element in something (2) : an instance of jesting : KIDDING <can’t take a joke> c : PRACTICAL JOKE d : LAUGHINGSTOCK
:rolleyes:
Sorry, Rilchiam. If I’m going to be snotty, might as well spell your name correctly. 