What is the dumbest thing you've heard anybody say?

(I was debating whether to put this in IMHO or the Pit. Given that some of the dumbest things y’all have heard people say probably were on these boards, I thought I might as well put this thread in the Pit in foreknowledge of the flame war that might erupt. But if the mods feel differently, well, that’s what they don’t get paid to do :stuck_out_tongue: .)

My wife and I were watching some show on TV that had to do with tornados (I don’t recall if it was a newscast or a Discovery Channel documentary). Anyway, they were interviewing one man after his house got destroyed and, sounding as if he’d been betrayed somehow, managed to say the following:

“This thing didn’t sound like no freight train I ever heard. Not once did I hear a…” he then makes a pulling motion with his right arm “choo-choo.”

“Mr. Barnes, do you think man will ever walk on the sun?” - courtesy Shelli the blond superbabe, uttered in my high school science class, during a discussion about space exploration.

It’s been over 15 years since then, and it’s still the champion.

It was in conversation. Background, both the girl I had this conversation with and myself live in Pittsburgh, Pennyslvania.

Her: We should take a road trip.
Me: To where?
Her: England.
Me: Don’t you think we should fly to England?
Her: No. You have to drive. Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel the distance.
Me: You don’t see a problem with driving from here to England?
Her: Nope, not at all.
Me: There is this thing, called an ocean…
Her: So?

I would’ve accused her of being intentionally dense if she wasn’t the same person who believed she was an expert at performing the ‘Hoover Remover’ on those who are choking.

I think I have a little something stuck in my throat…

Overheard in a high-school classroom 20 years ago:

A: Today is Yogi Berra’s birthday.

B: But he isn’t even a real bear!!


Scene: Waikiki. Lots of tourists milling about. Beach is just across the street, kinda hard to miss the BIG STATUE of the Duke.
Question (by tourist, to me): “Where is Waikiki beach?”

Scene: Waikiki (different time). On beach. Various pasty-glary white haoles turning into neon red lobsters.
Question (by tourist, to friend, overheard by me): “How far above sea level are we?”

Scene: Class. Course on the basics of databases, Senior level college course. Fellow students sitting around, discussing with teacher a bare-bones database setup for an on-line computer seller.
Statement (in essence): “A basic, bare bones computer doesn’t need to come with an OS installed. It’ll work without one.” :rolleyes: And this is someone who’s going to be out in the workforce, working on/with computers? I could see this from a freshman in the program, or someone with no computer knoweldge. But a Senior in the CompSci program? :confused:

I’m sure I’ve heard lots of dumb(er) things, but thankfully I seem to be blocking the memories.

<< Once upon a time… >>

I’m ashamed to say I’ve said the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard, but it was a misunderstanding…

Outside blockbuster video store one evening, I noticed for the first time that they rented video players as well as the videos themselves.

“I didn’t know blockbuster rented videos,” I announced out loud, to the vast amusement of my friends.

I think I’ve related overhearing the conversation by the idiot in the adjacent cubicle - discussing the Winston-Salem Witch Trials

Heard GWBush say that all the problems with children were because of the internet. I thought that was just about the most stupid thing I had ever heard. My son heard it too so I did not imagine it.

This isn’t the dumbest, but it’s the most recent:

A few weeks ago, I reminded a friend to turn her clocks ahead for spring. She said, “I hope I can remember to wake up at 2:00 a.m. to do it!” She actually thought it “wouldn’t take” unless you did it at exactly two o’clock . . .

One merikin to another…
me: where is it?
her: in tuck-son.
me: never heard of tuckson, arizona. how do you spell that?
her: T-U-C-S-O-N.
me: oh, you mean Tucson, Arizona?
her: whatever, I don’t know how they pronounce it.

  1. Woman I knew talking about her relationship w/her boyfriend
    “sometimes I do my thing, sometimes he does his thing, and sometimes we do our thing together”

  2. My ex husband (oh, there were so many, it’s hard to choose, but htis was the easiest to explain). “I’d be a really good hockey player if I only knew how to ice skate”.

  3. Guy calling for a client at the half way house, called like 12 times w/in 4 hours, always refusing to leave a message. Finally, exasperated, he called back to say he would leave a message. The message? “Tell her to stop callin’ me”. “Ok, sir, and whom shall I tell her to not call?”

  4. Guy in line at the movies, asking for a ticket to the “Ace” movie. Ticket seller kept on saying she didn’t understand. He kept on saying ‘you know, the ace movie’, finally adding “Me 'N Ace to Society” ?

In an email from a dork:

As Bugs Bunny would say, “That’s all Fox!”

This one person in my circle of friends is pretty infamous for being dumb as rocks. I never really believed it until I had this exchange with her:

Rocks-girl: So, you know why the Pharoah’s mummies were preserved so well? They buried them with the bodies of their servants, so the bacteria took them first.

Lauren (not quite comprehending what she just said): Well, actually they’re well preserved because of the mummification process, and because the dryness of Egypt’s climate is very good for preserving bodies.

Rocks-girl: Well, yeah, that and the bacteria ate the servants first.

Lauren: (jaw drops and no noise comes out)

Friend who is getting his PhD in Archaeology: Um, I agree with her (pointing to me).

My (college) roommate and I are having a discussion about her boyfriend, she mentions she is still a virgin.
I am somewhat baffled (my room is next to hers, I was fairly certain she was not, but hey, maybe they are one of those “do everything but” couples.)

Me: um…ok, yeah.
Roommate: But I almost lost my virginity the other night.
Me: Oh?
Roommate: Yeah, he almost didn’t pull out in time.
Me: Wha…what? (sure I heard her wrong)
Roommate: Yeah, it happened really fast and he almost didn’t pull out before he came.
Me: (about to explode from not laughing) um, I have to tell you something…

I still wonder how many guys she told she was a virgin…she honestly didn’t know! She was so stunned when I told her, she rushed off to ask her boyfriend “if he knew”…

::shaking my head::

Following a really big flood, I once heard a TV newsguy say that the Governor had been interviewing the survivors. I would have been really impressed had he been interviewing the non-survivors.

Just remembered another one.

TV newsreporter, reporting on Nelson Mandela’s election - “The first Afro American to be elected in South Africa” News to him, I’m sure.

I thought of a better one: A woman I once worked with, on seeing a photograph of a bison (buffalo): “They were extinct for a while, weren’t they?” Me: “No, they were once endangered.” Woman: “No, I think they were extinct for a while.” Me: “But they made a major comeback.”

Velma, don’t you just bet that it was the guy that busted her cherry that told her that one. I can hear it now.

Her: “No, I don’t want to, I’m still a virgin.”

Him: "It’s OK, you’ll still be a virgin if I pull out. "

Her: “Well…if you’re sure…”


This one from a very drunk husband who now denies saying it:

Black people are genetically different that white people. They have an extra gland, kind of like a musk gland in their neck region. Halle Berry had surgery to have hers removed.



Tourist at corner of 33rd and 5th, NYC:

“Excuse me, where is the Empire State Building?”

My verbal response: “Right over there. <points>”

Mental response : “50 feet BEHIND YOU, Jethro!!!”
Personal nominee for all-time champ. Anyone who knows me will probably second this:

Sister-in-law to be, 2 weeks before wedding, to my mom.

“I’m glad Ed (me) is going to the bachelor party, he’ll keep things calm.”

My brother and I stared as if we were just told Bin Laden was elected the next US president.