Wonderful resurrected thread. Missed it at the first run, glad to catch it now.
My three contributions all involve the classical beautiful, but brainless babes:
In a Munich club, very early morning that sees me very drunk. I spot a sultry, very good-looking babe in the bar. I saunter over and slide onto the bar chair next to her. While trying to work out how to break the ice and start a conversation something snaps in my head I decide that she’s not worth it ‘cause she’s probably a bitch. I proceed to glare at her in that indescribable way that only stupidly drunk males who just failed in hitting on a girl are capable of. Just as she orders herself a rather stiff drink she notices the frothing idiot at her side (me).
Babe: “Was ist dein problem?” (what’s your problem)
Me: “I don’t speak German,” I lie.
Babe: “What are you staring at?”
Me: “You think pretty much of yourself eh!”
Babe: “How do you know I drink too much?”
Me: “Not drink, think!”
Babe: “Ohhh think! I don’t do that.”
At first I thought that was pretty witty. We ended up waking up in the same place and subsequently dated for some time, until I realized a) my initial judgment was correct and b) she was in fact serious, she didn’t think much.
Next one takes place in 1994 at 7 AM over post clubbing breakfast in a New York diner in the meat district and stars Daphne, another bombshell without a brain that a friend of mine picked up in a bar earlier the same evening. It is significant that Daphne was from New York and had lived there for all the 23 years of her tender life. There were several Swedes in the crowd. Daphne turns to a Swedish female friend of mine.
Daphne: “So you’re really from Sweden.”
Friend: “Well yes.”
Daphne: “Is Sweden big?”
Friend: “It’s pretty small, like California about.”
Daphne “How many people live there?”
Friend “About eight and a half million.”
Daphne: “But that’s like… HUGE.”
Friend: (bewildered) “You think? I mean that’s around the same number that live in the five boroughs.”
Daphne: “Where is that?”
Friend: “What?”
Daphne; “the five whatever…”
(by now me and several others that are witnessing this meltdown are choking on our pancakes and coffees)
Friend: “Ehhh, like New York, were we are and you were born?”
Daphne: “Oh.” Pauses and seems to think. “NEVER!”
Friend: “What?”
Daphne: “There are NOT that many people living in New York.”
Friend : “Well I though it was close to eight million or something…”
Daphne: “Two hundred thousand at the most.”
Ever since that evening the people present refer to absolute idiots as “dumber than Daphne.”
Third story involves a model in LA; I think her name was Suzy. My best friend brings this girl along for drinks one evening. We fall into conversation with a guy in a bar and it turns out he’s a Jazz musician and that he will be playing at the Stockholm Jazz festival a few months later and my best friend tells him to give us a call since we will be there as well. Hence numbers are exchanged. Suzy watches my best friend write his number in Stockholm down.
Suzy: “Wow! I’ve like lived near Stockholm for like… a year.”
Me: “You have?”
Suzy “Yeah, in Milan.”
Me “Huh? That’s in Italy.”
Suzy: “So?”
Me “Eh… Stockholm is in Sweden, which is a whole continent away.”
Suzy: “Oh yeah? So explain to me how they can have the same area code then. Smartass!”
Sparc
