Johnny went to dinner with his Mom and Dad.
The Mom & Dad order salads before their meals.
Mom and Dad are talking and Johnny keeps interrupting with how come questions until his dad tells him to stop.
The salads come out and they start eating.
Johnny tries to get their attention, and the Dad keeps shushing him.
Finally the Dad goes, “What?”
Johnny says, “Dad, what does a slug taste like?”
Dad, “Johnny, I told you to stop asking questions like that.”
Mom, “Why on earth would you ask that question?”
Johnny, “Well I was trying to tell Dad there was a slug on his lettuce, but then he ate it.”
A bum sleeping on a park bench is shaken awake by a frantic zookeeper. “Hey buddy, how’d you like to make a quick twenty bucks?”
The bum says “Sure.”
“Great,” says the zookeeper. “I’ve got two hundred school kids coming in to the zoo today just to see the gorilla. The problem is, the gorilla died last night. But I’ve got this gorilla suit left over from a costume party, see? So if you’ll wear the suit and act like a gorilla, you get twenty bucks.”
Well the bum decides that’s the best offer he’s had in a long time, and agrees. An hour later, there he is, wearing a gorilla suit, sitting on a concrete floor in the middle of a cage. Sure enough, two hundred school kids show up, and stand around the cage expectantly. After a while, though, the kids start getting bored. “What a lousy gorilla,” one kid yells. “He doesn’t do anything.” Now the bum’s afraid that if the kids aren’t happy, he might not get his money at the end of the day. So he starts hopping around and pounding his chest. The kids get excited. “Do a trick!” somebody calls out. The bum jumps on the tire swing and starts rocking it back and forth. “Faster” the kids yell. So he swings faster and higher, and he’s really started to enjoy the attention.
Suddenly he slips. He goes flying through the air, goes right between the bars and lands in the next cage over. He turns and sees a lion sitting right next to him. So now he’s terrified, and he starts calling for help. The lion grabs him, claps its paw over his mouth and says, “Shuddup! You want us all to get fired?”
Q: Why did the elephant wear green sneakers?
A: So he could hide in the grass.
Q: Why did the elephant wear bermuda shorts?
A: You’d be hot too if you lived in the jungle!
Q: What’s the difference between and elephant and a plum?
A: They’re both purple, except for the elephant.
Q: What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming?
A: “Here come the elephants.”
Q: What did Tarzan say?
A: “Here come the plums.” He was colorblind.
Believe me, these were Hi-LAR-ious after standing in the sun for 8 hours on a hot day…
A guy comes into a restaurant and asks the waiter for a bowl of soup. The waiter brings him the soup and walks away. The man calls him back over, points a finger at the soup, and says, “Taste it.”
“I don’t have to taste it, just tell me what’s wrong, and I’ll fix it,” says the waiter. “Too hot, too cold, too salty?”
“I said taste it!” says the man.
“Okay, no need to get excited, I’ll do as you say,” says the waiter. “Hmm, now let’s see…where’s the spoon?”
The Buddhist gave the hotdog vendor a $20. The hotdog vendor took it, put it in his pocket and turned away. The Buddhist asked for his change. The vendor told him, “Change comes from within.”
Did you hear the one about the turtle that got mugged by the snail? When the police asked him to describe what happened, he said, “I don’t know, officer, it happened so fast!”
