Suppose I join the Army. I’m not the brightest bulb in the string – after all the testing they find in fact that I am one of the dimmest.
They’ve asked me what I want to do. I simply tell my recruiters or other authority figures that I’m fine with whatever they think would be best for me and the Army both.
What are the typicsl jobs they give to the recruits just smart enough not to be kicked out for medical deficiencies?
Have you ever heard the term “cannon fodder”?
The military has no shortage of shit jobs so it’s no problem finding something for said dim bulbs to do. There is however, no designated specialty for bilge scrubber, paint chipper, latrine digger, etc. as they are not considered a viable career path. This is a moot point as such an underachiever likely won’t rise high enough in rank to make that an issue.
In the navy I knew one sailor who was happily stalled at pay grade E-2, airman apprentice, because his principles did not allow him exert himself to take the E-3 test. He was fine with being promoted to E-2 since it only required him to breathe for six months. He never became a designated striker for any specialty rating and was an airman only by virtue of being assigned to a fighter squadron rather than a ship’s deck division where he would have been a seaman apprentice.
My friend (with many mental problems) had to take the test 3 times before he got in.
They put him to work in the Supplies Room at every place he went. They told him this would give him the experience to manage warehouses or something similar when he got out. He’s working at McDonald’s now, and not in ordering - he’s a cashier.
Military job descriptions are publically available, and there’s a lot of them. Someone more familiar with this might be able to give many examples of really bad jobs. It’d also be interesting to know how likely it would be to get a really cool job like the ones in recruitment ads, like attack helicopter pilot or something in the special forces.
A lot of the bad jobs are often contracted out. It’s probably substantially cheaper that way since the military wouldn’t have to provide long-term benefits for these workers.
You could also consider a different interpretation of ‘all you can be’. If someone really isn’t capable of being anything more than an assistant paint-scraper or apprentice sanitation facilities cleaner, they might well be better off doing these jobs in the military since they’d get better benefits (possibly including housing) and more job security than they’d get in the private sector, and maybe even better wages. And that would be all they could be.
SusanStoHelit: Aren’t cashiers considered above kitchen staff in the McDonalds hierarchy? IIRC new employees start out in the kitchen and can be sent back there if they don’t do well as cashiers.
[hijack]
I used to work at McD’s and I tried to avoid moving to cashier so I wouldn’t have to deal with the customers…
[/hijack]
You sound like perfect officer material.
Speaking of officers, what is an officer likely to become if they only barely qualified? Granted the standards are probably high enough that even those who barely pass are pretty good, but there’d have to be some undesirable officer-level jobs.
I hate to say this, but when I was in the Army - granted, Canadian, but they’re all more or less the same - the, umm, “special” soldiers were all shunted into administration and logistics.
uncommissioned.
Are you saying that because you want to join the Army, you’re not too bright?
OR
You’re just not very bright anyway?
Do you still have to graduate highschool or have a GED in order to join?
If so, then you probably won’t have to worry about it, hmm?
Shit jobs in the army…as opposed to what? 
cannon fodder… heh 
try the USMC
Definitely. I really worry about my friend since he got out. He isn’t very good with day-to-day responsibilities (like paying bills), and for all his bitching his time in the army was the healthiest and most stable he’s ever been.
It is my firm contention, based on experience, that 2[sup]nd[/sup] Lieutenant is the absolute, iron-bound, gild-edged and silver-sealed bottom rank in the Army.
Which indeed is something to consider. The US military has an “up or out” policy – if you’re not making progress in your career track, and the evals say you are not likely to, when reenlistment time comes along they can say “so long, dude, it was real!”. No career PFCs. For officers, if you’re repeatedly passed over for promotion or making your commission Regular, you’ll be sent to the Reserves.
As mentioned earlier, low-achieving officers are put in paper-pushing billets where they won’t make any important decisions. Low-achieving enlistees are put to moving and storing stuff. Both, until such a time as the service can safely let them go.
Some of the dumbest people I ever met in the military were cooks, supply types, truck drivers, medical orderlies (not actual medics or doctors, but the people who empty bedpans and push the food cart from room-to-room) and military intelligence.
The combat arms specialties seemed to run the gamut of intelligence, no particular concentrations of smart or dumb.
Well, both of those are second- or third-tier jobs; you have to go through several layers of additiopnal training to get them.
Piots are either officers or warrant officers who have passed flight school. Officers or warrant officers typically have some advanced education (I know education/=intelligence). Special Forces are generally infantry who have completed Airborne and Ranger training, neither of which are particulalry easy, mentally or physically.
The Navy!
It’s not just an adventure.
It’s $119.82 a week.
[from a 70s era SNL]
In the navy
Yes, you can sail the seven seas
In the navy
Yes, you can put your mind at ease
In the navy
Come on now, fall in ‘n’ make a stand
In the navy, in the navy
Can’t you see we need a hand
In the navy… Village People
Sorry NCB but when you said what you did, I’ve had this fuckin tune in my head ever since. So I thought I’d try to return the favor.
in the navy…in the navy… 
Military intelligence?
In the IDF, the dumbest of the dumb (and with draftees that’s pretty damn stupid) are generally assigned to Sergeant Majors to serve as general maintenance workers, and have fulfilling careers raking leaves and painting trees.