I didn’t witness my wife’s being sexually harassed at her former job, but I was told about it by others and it was very bad. I’m sure there’s a thread somewhere if anybody gives a crap.
At the extended family’s annual family Xmas get-together, it’s expected that all the men will be brought their food by the women. This applies to guys bringing dates for the first time, by they.
But, honestly, the crap I used to do to girlfriends before my come-to-Jeus moment was worse than anything I have witnessed others doing. I really wish I could undo that part of my life.
I remember that thread. What she went through was terrifying. I went through similar. It changes you.
But the unicorn thing has us all beat - because a whackjob coworker showing a picture of fantasy violence is so much more serious than … well, you know, actual gender based violence and intimidation by people in authority in the workplace.
But why is it a walk of “shame” when the guy she slept with will be getting high fives for his “score”? Why is she the one who should be shamed and he’s not?
The one time my husband got to experience a big family get together at my grandparents house before my grandfather got sick and all, I was loudly asked if I wasn’t going to fix my husband a plate, and I just as loudly retorted that his arms weren’t broken. My aunt seriously got up and was going to MAKE MY HUSBAND’S PLATE UP FOR HIM because I don’t know… I guess a married man’s touch tarnishes the serving spoons or something. Mitch would have died rather than let someone make his plate! He had to seriously convince all the women that he was okay with making his own plate, that none of them knew his food preferences, that he preferred making his own plate. Meanwhile we are both cracking up laughing, my sister and the younger cousins are at the table crying with laughter, and my grandfather is just shaking his head, like how did this people come from me.
Still at number one all time asshole I’ve met in person was a woman I met in 2002.
I was looking for a marketing director or manager job. There was a start-up company with a lot of potential. I interviewed with the CEO, then with the VP of sales and everything looked good. They were to get back to me with an offer in a week or so.
More than a week goes past and I haven’t heard anything, so I called the CEO. “We just hired the VP of marketing and, since you’ll be reporting to her, she wants to interview you.” Okay, fine, I’ve nailed the other interviews, have experience in the industry and with start-ups, my resume rocks, this shouldn’t be a big hurdle.
I get in touch with her, we have a very nice phone conversation and she schedules an in-person interview at a Starbucks about halfway between my house and the new office.
We talk for about an hour. I answer all of her questions with examples, relevant stats and info, etc. At the end of it she says, “You’re extremely well qualified for this position, but I prefer to have women as my direct reports since they’ll work harder to make me look better. Don’t bother trying to file a complaint or anything since my father in law is the county prosecutor (true) and I can make your life miserable.”
Because he’s already home? I’m not defending the cat-callers. I’m only saying that if you gotta walk past fraternity row to get from where you passed out to where you’ll shower, perhaps the best thing to do is consider the possibilities as you walk past on the way there.
At my family’s Thanksgiving gatherings, the womenfolk cook, organize, serve, and clean up. The menfolk smoke, argue, watch TV, and put the extra leaf in the dining room table.
There’s not much point in bitching about it unless you want to be the one who “raised hell over doing a few dishes” and “ruined the only time our family gets to spend together”!
Because she was tricked into giving up her lady flower (the idiot), that’s why! Actually, I think part of the reason women get singled out for this (aside form ever-present, always appreciated slut shaming) is because their ‘going out’ clothes are often easier to spot than guys’. I have seen boys do the walk of shame, but the evidence has usually been rumpled hair and a smirk when I ask them why they’re up so early. More women do it in shiny, short outfits and heels that look out of place in the harsh glare of morning.
I’m going to agree with MeanOldLady that catcalling and street harassment appall me more than some of the other sexist shit I’ve witnessed (though some of these stories have my blood boiling). Though not every incident is going to make a woman fear for her life, or leave her physically damaged, it’s a bit of a slow decay of self-esteem and a constant reminder of her position in society. Even a homeless crack addict can say something dirty to a CEO and make her feel degraded for the rest of the week.
Part of it is the sheer number of guys who still think this is acceptable behavior. It’s not some lone, perverted recent immigrant from a third world country where women are second-class citizens who’s howling and hitting on every woman in America (and Europe). It’s well-dressed guys, bosses, teenagers in cars, restaurant patrons, and, mostly, seemingly normal passers-by. Just yesterday I was approaching my SO on the street and a 30-something dude in a suit passed me and whispered ‘I love your tits.’ I wasn’t particularly shocked, but when I told my SO he wondered if maybe the guy had Tourette’s or was mentally ill. I had to chuckle at his naiveté…
I just remembered another one, although it may be less sexist than douchebaggish. Way back in college, a female member of my circle of friends had a crush on a male member. She was a very pretty girl, but somewhat less than blessed in the mammary glands, and she had flirted with the idea of becoming a nun before deciding it wasn’t for her; though she didn’t make a big deal about it, it was clear that she was probably a virgin. Anyway, she went out on a few days with her crush but it became clear that she was not going to spread her legs for him any time soon, so he dumped her. His privilege, of course. But what was not his privilege was calling her “Super-Virgin,” both by reference and in address, and telling her to her face that she should write “This Side Up In Case of Rape” on her chest.
I didn’t even like the girl, but I punched him for that.
A female friend of mine called me last night from a party, nearly in tears. A young guy grabbed her ass (typical at parties), but, instead of laughing or calling her a bitch or one of the other typical reactions upon being confronted, he said, “It’s my birthday and I want to rape you.” The whole thing ended with him being kicked out of the party, but not without a huge confrontation and punches being thrown. She was told by several people, “Oh, he’s just drunk, he was kidding,” that kind of thing. Not a cool night.
Disagree, because if it was a guy walking home after spending the night at the woman’s house, he would NOT be doing a walk of “shame”. That’s my issue.
I’m touchy about this because I’ve had far too many catcalls. No walks of shame, but really, it gets really old to have men seem to think it’s fine to, for example:
Lean out of a car window while driving by to yell at me (walking home from a freaking store), “WOOOOO NICE ASS!!!”
Lean out of a car window to scream, “FUCKIN’ FAT BITCH SLUT!”
To walk up to a complete stranger doing grocery shopping, ask her out and when she, with a friendly smile, tells you that she has a fiance, call her a fuckin’ bitch who “thinks [you’re] too good for [me]???”
Walk up to a strange (as in “unknown”) woman in the mall, tell her she is very beautiful and ask if she would marry you .
Walk by a curvy woman (as in, big boobs and hips and a smaller waist) and say, “Damn, that’s right! I like 'em THICK!”
Tell a woman walking by that she needs to smile more, because she’d look prettier if she did (note that she was just not smiling, not that she looked pissed off/sad/whatever).
Those have all happened to me, and those are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head. In every case, I knew absolutely none of them, but apparently it’s completely acceptable to a decent chunk of men to comment or proposition on/to a completely unknown woman.
It wasn’t even fraternity row, unfortunately. Just mixed college/residential housing (I lived in the neighborhood, was out walking to go somewhere that I don’t recall), and these jerks were up pretty early for drinking college students. She wasn’t walking down the middle of fraternity row at 10:30 am on Saturday game day or anything. And it’s still crappy behavior, to be loudly sexually harassing some poor gal who was just doing what they probably wish they could have been involved in the night before.
Sure, it’s awkward (and has a fairly low likelihood of success), but I can’t really see this one as sexist.
Disagree, 'cause I’ve done the walk of shame several times. The fact that women aren’t giving me shit for it doesn’t mean it isn’t a walk of shame.
I think Cat Fight pretty much nailed this one by pointing out that guys in “club” clothes look pretty much the same as guys in “clothes”, while if a girl has bedhead and a four-inch miniskirt on, not so much.
This is only one of the reasons why I don’t go to my husband’s family gatherings.
You know, I think that more women need to carry Mace or something similar, and it should be socially acceptable for women to Mace guys who do stuff like that. In most cases, it’s a threatening behavior, it is not at all complimentary, as you noted. Guys like these (not all guys, by any means) seem to feel entitled to having women be attractive and available for them. I don’t know how else to stop it, short of hurting these offending jerks every time they pull this shit.
I really wish I could undo that part of my life.