I’ll third the emotion.
Thanks, guys.
When I was little, I was the one all the bullies would pick on, so I know humiliation.
One day, a stranger was my savior, so instead of paying it back, I pass it along.
I didn’t witness this, but the same topic appeared in a teen magazine I was leering at while I was in my doctor’s waiting room the other day. It was done as a “teen on the street” sidebar interview. One of the responses was quite impressive: It seems the girl had been invited to her boyfriend’s home to enjoy the spa (parents were at home, everything on the up and up).
She’d recently been troubled with a bout of diarrhea, but was feeling quite a bit better. Anyhow, once in the spa with the jets going full tilt she decided she needed to let go of a fart and felt that the furious bubbling would easily conceal the smoking gun. Whoops, it wasn’t a fart after all. It didn’t take long for the foul smelling glop to churn through the spa. Boyfriend finally figures it out and jumps screaming from the tub. Parents alerted, major brouhaha. Expensive process of cleaning the spa, pipes, and filters.
Poor girl. I thought it was a pretty earthy story for a teen mag, but what would I know.
Enolancooper, I kiss you.
Yeah, I know you’re right. It’s just that I was new to the family. I was only about 90% sure they knew it was mine, but I guess that should’ve been enough. Hey, we were only 17 at the time… How mature are we at that age?
Those are my lame excuses.
Don’t worry, I don’t get offended easily.
What you did for that kid in the bathroom is very admirable. There are few things more worthy of praise.
While I hate to continue a hijack, I thought I’d throw in a dissenting view on enolancooper’s bathroom incident. Nobody likes bullies, but you violently assaulted a 13-year old to, it would appear, compensate for your experiences being bullied as a child.
I’m not defending what the kid did (and, in fact, the bully should be reported to the police) but you not only slapped the kid (which, you could argue, was done in the heat of the moment) you then threw him face first into a urinal. You could have fractured his skull, or broke his damned neck.
God knows the SDMB is full of people who were bullied, and everybody has little fantasies of revenge, but it’s a bit over the line to be celebrating an adult assaulting a child.
I know.
That’s why I reported myself to the Principal’s office…I was ready to take whatever was comming to me.
I knew whatever I could get was nowhere near as bad as what that bully did to the kid, and no one should endure that.
I think GregAtlanta takes the title so far far for Funniest Incident, if nothing else.
As for me, where do I begin?
The time I stayed in a hotel jacuzzi too long at age 6, leaving a trail of shit all the way to the locker room when i finally had to get out?
The time I jumped off the monkey bars during recess in the 6th grade, and split my pants from front to back?
The time in 9th grade when I farted loudly in the middle of Algebra class, tried to pretend it was someone else, and failed?
Another time in high school when a guy who was running for Student Body President was giving a speech to the entire student body when a rat ran across the gym floor behind him? (He wasn’t elected, even though he was by FAR the most well-known candidate after that)
The time in college when I fell asleep during a class, then farted so loudly I woke myself up? What could I do, besides just go back to sleep? No one ever said a word to me about it.
The time in my last year of college when I walked across the grass in front of the building on my way to a Final and stepped in some dog shit, then spent the who test period pretending the smell wasn’t coming from MY feet? (failed again)
Why do so many of these incidents include either shit or my ass? I seem also to have a problem with farting during school.
I so want to post something so I think I’ll force this story in here.
This is one where I lucked out. Which was especially nice since being a the youngest of our college group ensured that I was the lowest on the totem pole. Anyway we had all driven down Mexico to get drunk, since we couldn’t in the US. We did it, all got hammered and were heading back. It was a station wagon and I got the trunk so I laid down. The elder ones got the real seats. Anyway the guy in the passenger seat gets sick rolls down his window and pukes, at 70 mph. Needless to say everyone got a face full of puke except me (thank God) although I did get a whiff of the smell. The poor guy got a nickname from this incident.
When I was in 3rd grade PE we were all sitting on the hard wood floor when this girl with the unfortunate name of ‘Elsie’ cut a really loud fart. It echoed. People were still teasing her about it in 6th grade when we moved.
Ah college days. I was walking to class through some woods when a frightened scream came out of the path well ahead of me. Aha! My one chance to be a hero! I ran full tilt along the path, come to a street that the path crosses, my eagle eyes darting ahead to see what foul danger is lurking in the shadows on the other side of the road. Of course, since my eyes are on the other side of the road they are not on my side of the road. I trip, do a really impressive belly whopper half way across, and slide (leaving behind my shirt, the knees of my pants, and a truly amazing amount of skin), and wind up on the other side of the curb, curled up in a little ball. Of course, at this point the evil denizen could have been raping his innocent victim and the most I could have done would have been to gasp out, “ooch, ouch, please, eech, ouch, don’t, ooch, ouch, do, ouch, eech, ouch, that, ooch ouch…”. Fortunately, the scream had frightened the dastard off, so the beautiful damsel in distress ran up to me and asked, breathlessly, “Are you all right?”
Not the way I envisioned it.
We had a teacher do the “orgasm” thing, too.
During a public speaking exercise, a classmate started her speech in favour of sex education with the immortal introduction line, “Yes, I think there should be sex in schools.”
The first-year gentleman at university who, on a Friday afternoon, in full view of hundreds of fellow students on their way to or from classes or the liquor store, tossed a two-four onto … and over … his shoulder, onto the pavement, and watched 21 of 24 bottles drain directly from the box into the gutter.
A girl at a snack place in Chicago who helped the customer, who couldn’t figure out why the door wouldn’t open, get into the little boy’s room. The guy who was in the facility at the time, and in mid-wipe, probably had a reason for locking himself in.
The fifth-grade classmate on the swing who “jumped”… snagging his shorts on the chain and leaving them in tatters behind him.
George Bush barfing into that guy’s lap.
Well, one time I asked a woman when she was expecting her baby, and she said…“I’m not pregnant” :eek:
Oh, if only I had a nickel for every time I made an ass out of myself…
my most embarrasing thing took place about 2-3 months ago, fairly recently, anyway.
in my latin I class, a girl had to read a passage out of latin and into english. she went up to the front, and began to read.
she made the hillarious mistake of mispronouncing ‘facit’ as fuck-it and continuing to do this for two or three minutes.
sorry, maybe you had to of been there…
anyway, on a tangent, i am taking this for my sig. it is just too good to pass up!
About a year ago while home from University I went out drinking with my friends. We always start at someone’s place, get drunk, then head out to the city clubs. Well this time it was my parents place and one of my friends (Matt) got a bit too pissed and we had to leave him behind. We put him to bed and went on our way.
My mother told me the next morning that Matt had woken in the night and go to the bathroom. Well, at least he thought it was the bathroom. Apparrently my mother woke to the sound of running water and got up to find Matt drunkenly urinating in the hallway cupboard. While she watched in disbelief, he closed the door and went back to bed.
The next morning when we told him what he did he was absolutly mortified and vowed never to drink in the presents of my parents again. I just laughted my arse off.
…and have plenty of em.
When I was about 22, a friend and I ended up back at some girls apartment after a night of drinking. My friend was on one couch, under a blanket with one girl and I was sitting on the other couch looking at photo albums with the other girl.
Now, after several days of drinking, my stomach was pretty rough and I had “angry-ass”. I kept excusing myself to the bathroom to piss or fart.
Well, on one of the trips, as I was peeing, I let go of this tiny fart which turned into a large “hershey-squirt” down the back of my right leg. I panicked. I finished peeing and promptly removed my shoes, pants and underware. I sopped up the mess as best I could with some toilet paper and flushed it down. However, my leg still stunk, so I grabbed her bar of soap from the shower stall and used it like deoderant on the back of my leg. My underware was destroyed, so I wrapped it up in toilet paper and stuffed it in her trashcan. As I was putting my pants back on, I noticed that my right sock, which used to be bright white, was now a choclatly brown. So, I pulled my pants down as much as I could (“dukey-style”?) and returned to the living room.
Now, my buddy and I are greek, so as I sat down, I said loudly “Ekana skata mesa ta pantelonia mou! Pame tora!”, which, roughly translated means, “I just crapped myself. Let’s go!”. I wish I had a camera. The look on his face as it popped up from under the blanket was priceless.
We left and never saw those girls again.
I thought I would put one more in. This is one that happened to myself.
About 10 years ago, I was visiting home. At the time, my sister was about 4 months pregnant and was at my folks place too. I went out with a couple freinds of mine the night before and got totally plastered. I woke up the next day at about 10AM or so. I came walking out of the bedroom in my underwear kinda scratching my butt and proceeded to the kitchen to get a drink of water… something badly needed after a night of activities. I walked into the kitchen and saw my sister and mom talking to each other. I just caught the side profile of my sister then with this HUGE tummy sticking out… it at least looked larger than I ever remember my sisters gut being, however she was pregnant. That didn’t stop me from blurting out though:
“Holy Shit you’re FAT!!! You look like your gonna drop that thing any second!” (Civility was something I did not exercise much around my family, especially when I was 18).
Well, upon hearing that my sister turned around and just looked at me with a gaping mouth.
I then realized… it wasn’t my sister. It was a friend of hers that came over to visit.
I apologized as best I could (what can I say!??!) And went back to my bedroom. I don’t think I came out of that room again for hours.
A friend of mine from college, Crystal, had her cousin, Bernadette, and some other friends over for a party. The night progressed and Bernadette had had quite a bit to drink and passed out in Crystal’s room.
Most of the guests had gone, but there were still three or four there to witness the completely vacant Bernadette stumble from the bedroom and proceed to unzip her pants and use the coffee table as a toilet. Peed all over the place.
Crystal, like a good cousin, cleaned her up and put her back to bed and Bernadette never remembered a thing.
When I was in high school, we played a season of co-ed flag football in P.E. (I am female). One time, I was chasing a runner, and launched myself horizontally, managing to grab his flag as I fell to the ground. Except that I actually grabbed the pocket of his shorts, ripping them off his body as I fell.
I’m not sure which of us was more embarrassed.