I know this has been asked, but I can’t think of any keywords to search with.
I’m talking about that fear that one would have if they visited a place like the Grand Canyon. I and others I know are afraid that if we were there and there was no railing, we might…suddenly run up and jump off. Like we couldn’t control our impulses.
I and others I have spoken to are not suicidal and we know we would never really do it, but it’s a fear we have. More like an impulse that we have to shove down inside us.
I’ve visited Niagara Falls and I’ve sort of felt it. I didn’t jump, obviously, and it wasn’t hard to just observe once I was really there, but it’s a fear I have and I know others do too.
It depends. There is not actually a phobia here, unless you’re you’re actually afraid to go near high places, and the fear that you might jump off is sort of a post hoc rationalization. If the impulse to jump were difficult to resist, it might be a symptom of obsessive-compulsive disorder, but that’s apparently not the case. If it were less of an impulse, and more of a terrifying conviction that you will jump, that might be anxiety disorder, or even paranoia, but that’s not the case either. In my armchair shrink analysis, I think you might be engaged in a sort of thrill-seeking, subconsciously pushing yourself into the adrenaline rush that comes from thinking that you might die.
In a similar vein, I, my father, my brother, and my sister all have an (almost) overwhelming urge to throw expensive items (Phones, mp3 players, and my glasses for example) over bridges whenever we cross them.
Never really thought of it as a disorder though, we’ve never actually sacrificed any of our technological goods.
I have both of those! I used to have to really hang on to the strap of my bag as I crossed Hungerford Bridge when I was a student. There was something about that bridge that just begged me to throw all my books and essays from it in one glorious fuck-up of destroyed work. Things don’t have to be expensive for me to want to throw them off, but they do seem to need to be important.
Yep. I also have this strange feeling when I’m driving on the highway, especially late at night, that I’m just not going to round a curve, I’m going to drive right off the side of the road, or into a retaining wall or something. It’s not that I’m afraid of losing control of the car, just that I might suddenly decide to do something deadly.
Imp of the Perverse is what I’ve heard it called, as well.
I had the similar thoughts as a younger person and it included a fear that sometime during a somber gathering of people I’d suddenly stand up and blurt out something innapropriate. Church was a real giggle sitting there wondering exactly when I was going to give in to the urge. Nope, never did, and I think I understand why the urge was there.
I’d like to make a crack about virgins and cenotes and the universal collective unconscious. You don’t suppose. . .
Still thinking about this. The link examines it in light of self-destructive urges. That certainly is ominous. And there is truth there, I think.
But it could also be less ponderous than that. I’m thinking of the limits and boundaries of our material existence and instinctual resistance to the constraints. That would explain for me why the feeling of the need to rebel against it and do something which would result in harm to me has lessened with time.
With youth, I think, the need for freedom from restraint must certainly be more marked. And rebellion for the sense of freedom can definitely cause us damage or loss.
Or not. Maybe it’s just an imp pestering me. Gets to be a bit spiritual at any rate. Who’s pulling the strings here?
Some therapists speculate that acrophobia (fear of heights) is actually rooted in the fear one will just jump from a high place (or into a deep place, as you have described). If that’s true, then you have either acrophobia or the underlying condition that causes acrophobia.
For me, this is a big part of my fear of heights; I’m not usually THAT scared of heights, but I climbed a smallish tower a few years ago that had really low (like 1 1/2 feet) railings around the balconies and I just could not get myself to step onto the balcony cause it was too easy to step/stumble over the railing. I’ve had the same sensation with steep cliffs etc - I can’t bring myself less than a meter or two to the edge if there’s nothing to stop me just stepping over the edge.
I’ve been in much higher towers and buildings - even with transparent floors or really big windows or just waist-high railings - and those don’t scare me nearly as much.
Probably, actually, though I think I’d feel the same next to a shallow pit of, let’s say, spinning blades, or even just spikes.
Or if I went to a lumber mill with big spinning blades, I’d be too scared to get near them, like I might put my finger/arm in there just for a millisecond and lose my arm.
I’m reminded of that Far Side comic, with the two construction workers really high up on a beam on the top of a new skyscraper. They are eating lunch and the one guy says:
“You even just get the urge, when you sit up here, looking at the people down on the ground who look like ants, to just lean forward and…push the other guy off!”
I don’t know about this idea. I’m rather acrophobic, due to a rock climbing incident when I was in my early 20s. I don’t get the OP’s feeling around high places (mainly because I’m too scared shitless to go near high places), but sometimes when I’m driving, especially at night, I feel an urge to just “drift over into the other lane, in front of that big truck”, which sounds alot like what the OP is describing. Although not involving high places, it will still result in a nice “splat”. I think “Imp of the Perverse” describes it best, regardless of the “form of demise” involved.
I have acrophobia and have occasionally heard, or known by myself, that it was often more a fear of jumping than of falling. Wiki and Google do not confirm this; they mention a different phobia (Catapedaphobia) but it doesn’t seem right either.
I also get the sensation Cheshire Human mentions but, fortunately, it’s just a light fantasy not a disabling fear.
I don’t fear heights riding airplanes … except (slightly) when next to emergency door!
