I don’t mean to come off all high & mighty here, but why are so many people such whiners?
We all have frustrations and get fed up, and we all whine sometimes, even unreasonably, but what is up with people who do it on a daily basis, in every situation? Does it actually work most of the time? (i.e., get you out of basic responsibilities/obligations, get you extra stuff, get you lots of attention?)
There are many other people who put up with really major hardships every day, who take on superhuman responsibilities and yet they are sunny and kind. Apart from asserting oneself when it is necessary, what is the point in being a pain in the neck?
I think that’s the answer right there - whining works. A percentage of people listening will feel sorry for the whiner and help, and another percentage of people will help just to get the whiner to shut up. Apparently, those two groups make up a big majority of the people out there!
Whining / complaining does work, at least in the eyes of the whiner. The “wins” are clear and obvious, while the “loses” are often subtle and not highly obvious. For example, people may avoid spending time with the whiner or demonstrate mild signs of annoyance or displeasure. Unfortunately, whiners are often lacking in empathy and perceptiveness - consequently these negative effects are frequently lost on them.
It’s not enough that my marriage sucks, my kids are horrid and living in my basement, my job is a soul sucking dark hole and the pet I bought for cuteness is proving to be demanding. Nooooo–someone here has to bitch about My Troubles. I am hurt. Seriously hurt. *
Because whining not only works in the here and now, if you do it often and vigorously enough, it works preemptively. People will avoid putting themselves in a situation where they have to listen to you piss and moan, even if it means doing a lot of stuff you ought to be doing or walking on eggshells around you.
Haven’t you ever noticed how nobody worries about what they say or how they say it to people who are even-keel and polite, but everybody bites their tongue and tiptoes around the unreasonable jackass who throws a shrieking titty-fit over ever little thing? Same principle.
I think whiners are just attention seekers who have chosen the easiest path to garnering it. They don’t have to achieve anything, reveal anything about their real selves, express any emotions, engage in any meaningful dialogue or offer any support to anyone else. Yet they get the same amount of attention just by mindlessly bitching and moaning about things that they make no effort to change, that they are often completely wrong about and are designed to appeal to those listening. I know whiners who take both sides of an argument with two different audiences.
Whiners tend to be annoyed by me. I tend to be sickenly annoyingly positive about whatever they’re whining about. It’s not an act. It’s not an act either, it just doesn’t seem that bad to me. So I try to explain it how I see it, an antiwhine if you will.
If all else fails there’s “would you like a side of curly cries with your waaahburger?”
