Morituri Nolumus Mori
“We who are about to die don’t want to"
We bought a dishwasher long ago. Inside the box was a sheet of paper that said “Caution: Porcelain is glass”. There was no porcelain on the dishwasher, no other indication anywhere for the reason for that warning. So when there’s nothing left to say, we say “Porcelain is glass”.
“Don’t tell your grandma/uncles/aunts/cousins anything”.
It was drilled into us kids prior to all family get-togethers.
Not Fair was made to Fair. A corruption of Don’t Care was made to Care
Family motto: “People Suck”
If I want to get fancy, I personally use Horace: Quid rides? Mutato nomine, de te fabula narruntur.
(What are you laughing about? Change the name, and the joke is about you)
Something like, “if it doesn’t make a giant hairy wart grow on your nose, don’t worry about it.”
Having an extremely old English name, we actually have one: “Hold firm”.
In practicality, it should be “I can be a more ornery hardheaded cuss than you.” On my mother’s side of the family they are constitutionally incapable of coming up with something as short as a motto.
From the number of times it gets said, either “Have the dogs been fed?” or “Have the dogs been let out?”
As recited regularly by my father, and consequently memorized by every member of my family:
The chief purpose of education
Is to train the mind and the will
To do the work that has to be done
When it ought to be done
Whether you want to do it or not
But if you want something pithy, I think “Food = Love” ought to do it.
“Jour de Ma Vie”
I relate.
Ours,
“There is only one bad son of a bitch walking the earth, Reality.” funny thing was nobody is our family lived in reality so it never really made sense to me.
When I married and had kids.
“Fear makes a good servant and a terrible master” we can talk about why you were afraid after you do it.
“When the going gets tough, the weird turn pro.”
When it comes to money, trust your sibblings the least.
Bleep!
There was a space on my family tree paper to put your family’s sign. I didn’t know we had one so I made a picture of a giant cockatiel holding a millet in one claw and a sunflower seed in the other. I labeled it Bleep!
My dad said it was appropriate, given how much we cussed.
They’re ALL assholes.
According to my father: “Always forgive. Never forget.”
According to me: “Damn it, I DID follow the directions!”
Mine doesn’t, but a remark from one of my uncles about us not appearing on a given “who’s who” probably would work: “Who had we pissed off that time?” Or, if questions don’t work, “Pissing off everybody else, one person at a time.”
We even manage to piss people off by things as simple and not under our control as having a complicated lastname, being from our home town, or being from a province which doesn’t share the name of its capital.
FHB, which stands for ‘family hold back’
It started one Christmas, hosted by my aunt. Every family had been given their assigned dishes to make, ours was salads. Oh, the beautiful salads we made. A joy to behold.
Which wasn’t much comfort when, one hour into a two hour journey, mum realised we’d left them all at home.
So we arrived, dishless, with strict instructions to eat as little as possible (‘FHB’), to atone for our sins.
We laugh about it now, but my mum was so embarassed at the time, poor thing.
Most often said/heard are variations on the theme of resilience:
“Don’t let the bastards wear you down”,
and,
“Suck it up, buttercup”.
“Turris fortis mihi deus”