You can carry a complete arsenal of weapons, gadjets, glass bottles, gems, and armour around with you but it will never look like it and it will never slow you down from swimming, running, jumping, climbing, or fighting.
Zelda: When you blow up the entrance to someone’s secret hideout, only about one person out of five will actually be angry with you and demand payment.
Resident Evil: Zombies and other monsters will patiently be waiting for you when you enter a room, all ripe for the shooting. They won’t even walk towards you at first, since they’re rather shy, for all their brain-eating PR.
Silent Hill: Demons and monsters conveniently carry devices with them that emit radio-alerting signals. The weaker the monster, the stronger the signal, so you’re nice and ready for them when they emerge from the fog.
Really, I never understood how that radio thing worked.
A word must be said for the many, many strange ways in which a character can get his or her life back:[ul][li]Link – kill creature. Its heart falls to the ground. Grab heart and devour it. If you get enough of these, you can shoot things.[/li][li]Castlevania – periodically whap walls with your whip. The stones will shatter from time to time revealing a delicious chop of mutton, that is still completely edible, and will heal your wounds.[/li][li]Just about every game – inns. You know, if I stumble into a room of the Holiday Inn, dripping blood from head to toe, I’m not going to walk out of there the next day feeling very refreshed. Who came up with the inn-as-cure-all?[/li][li]The Final Fantasies – save-spots. Related to the inn, but have the additonal oddity that they were put there, by your enemies, in caves, dungeons, and secret castles. If the bad-guy is specifically constructing places that can bend the shape of time so you can always have a second chance, he’s not going to lose.[/ul][/li]I can think of plenty of others, but they aren’t too classic. Actually, if anything, life-restorers have gotten weirder with ther passage of time.
The key to shopkeeping is location, location, location. Thus, if you really want to sell your wares like hotcakes, the best place to set up shop is-
-In proximity to (or inside) the gateway leading to hell.
-A room directly adjacent to that of a boss monster.
-No nearer than 1 screen/level/chapter than some other shopkeeper. You don’t want the bastard stealing your business, do you?
-In a village, so long as you are the only weapon/armor/item/widget salesman there.
The exception to this is if you are selling something particularly precious. If that is the case, you want to take care to hide your shop as much as possible- you don’t want every punk kid coming in begging to see the killy orb of death when you know they don’t have enough money to buy it. Also, be sure that you cary outdated and obsolete equipment. You can often make the odd zenny by fooling some poor adventurer into thinking he just might need that extra blunt butterknife just in case he loses the 50 blunt butterknives he is carrying. Also be sure to have some outrageously overpriced trinket on hand. When a customer asks what it does, just shrug, or wink coyly. Trust me, sooner or later they will come back with that 500 hojillion zenny you are charging for it just to see what it does. Don’t try to understand how they came up with the money, or why they are blowing it on some trinket.
It is nothing special to be able to jump over something that is 10 times higher than you are while carrying 10 times your body weight. You can fall any distance without injuring yourself, but only if you land on solid ground – landing in water spells instant doom.
-There are two ways to tell where the game will end.
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The Bad guy’s hideout is the most impressive thing on the map. This is due to a huge ego and/or compensation for a percieved inadquecy in some other area.
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The Bad guy’s hideout will not be on the map at all until the very end. Once it appears, odds are it will be pretty damn impressive.
Collary: If the location you started in is the most impressive thing on the map, then there will be an even more imprressive place you need to find.
-If you need to collect any kind of power objects with an unkown purpose and orgin(Crystals are a favorite), there’s a good 50% chance that said objects will be stolen by the bad guy as soon as you find the last one, or you will foolishly give said objects to him for no good reason.
-Walking Mushrooms, Turtles and other relativily innocous creatures are evil and must be killed immediatly.
-Evil Antropmorphic Monster Turtles and Pigs are turned on by young, pretty, human princesses.
-In some places, pipes grow out of the grow like weeds for no apparent reason, but can take you anywhere you want to go. Evil plants sometimes live inside them.
-You can carry up to 99 of anything, even if you have no pockets.
-Ancient civilizations have really cool stuff, much cooler then anyone presently living.
-Ancient civilizations have really nasty booby traps guarding their cool stuff.
-Seals keeping out ancient evil are rediculously easy to circumvent.
-Nobody is ever willing to give you a discount for saving the world, their town or their kid.
“Yeah, you saved us from all those monsters and rescued Jr. from that Evil wizard who was going to sacifirice him, but what have you done for us lately?”
The door to the treasury/super computer/orbital laser controls will always be unlockable/destructible/circumventable. The door to the broom closet that contains nothing of any worth or interest, however, will have no key, no secret vent entrance, and can withstand an infinite stream of anti-tank rockets.
No matter how many bullets a guard expends trying to kill you, he will always die with exactly one full clip of ammunition remaining.
Most supervillains keep a massive supply of weapons, medication, ammunition, and other essential equipment distributed throughout his entire globe-spanning evil organization, despite the fact that not one person in his organization is capable of using any of it.
All enemies carry money, despite their lack of use for most items, or means to carry them or the money.
If the world needs saving, I must do it on my own, or with a group of friends and people we meet on the way. If I/we didn’t save the world no-one else would even make the effort.
To win a Tournament you must beat every other person in the tournament.
Guards may run in search of alarms, but never have radios, panic buttons, etc to set off alarms remotely.
Money only exists in coin form, notes do not exist.
Branding doesn’t exist, all goods are generic: you can’t buy ‘wizzo-tonic’, or ‘Uncle Albert’s homemade tintures’.
snif Strong Xandir … strong Xandir … strong Xandir!
When the ancient Egyptians couldn’t think of any other way to protect their treasures, they just made it so you’d have to make a series of extremely difficult jumps to get to them.
Bastards.
People trap the damnedest things.
(Such as, for example, their own heavily guarded armouries.)
Actually, they took “Uncle Albert’s Homemade tintures” off the market after all those childern went blind after drinking it.
Uncle Albert was making a lot of homemade potions…
Yeah, I have to admit now that I’m never going to be able to look at Link the same way again.
I just hope he doesn’t stick his sword down his throat when he’s not using it.
You can carry an awful lot of extremely heavy weapons, from 9mm’s to shotguns to chainguns to grenade-launchers to plasma throwers {most of which will be found lying around}, and still be able to swim unencumbered. Not one of these fearsome weapons, however, will be of the slightest use in opening a simple wooden door.
-Boxes and crates will often hold only a single thing. One ammo magazine, one weapon, one med kit, etc, with the rest presumably empty space.
-You can instantly tell how much ammunition you have in your inventory and in your magazine without even bothering to look.
Killing a Balrog means immediate ascent to the throne.
You may be a small rectangle without limbs, yet you can still carry big stuff.
Overalls are always proper adventuring gear. The princesses think they’re sexy.
A dragon that looks like a duck can be slain with a sword that looks like an arrow by a character that looks like a square.
If it is pitch dark, you are likely to be eaten by a grue.
Montezuma apparently stopped paying the gas bill.
duffer, that’s utterly hilarious. I want to dig out my Atari 2600 now.