I’ve got one person in my life - a good friend of over 48 years - that would be hurt if I were to die and would have a hole in his life that would cause him pain.
If not for this, I would probably have left already. I am weary of life.
Wow. I have never heard this, but it is great advice.
Thanks.
What’s keeping me here? I won’t leave a mess for someone else to clean up, that would be rude. So first I have to finish fixing up the house and acreage, get rid of stuff, and somehow manage to give up my kitties. I just don’t have the energy to accomplish that, so here I am.
I’ve pulled myself out of the black pit before so maybe I can do it again. It could be much worse or much better. Yes, I’m in therapy.
The lessons, life tries to teach, which you’re trying to avoid, by checking out early, to avoid the pain? Those very lessons are going to be waiting, with more intensity, in the next round. I’m convinced, if you check out early, you’re doomed to rebirth, start all over again.
Some people have to go round and round through many, many human lives before they learn all the lessons required for the enlightenment that stops the cycle of rebirths. Some people live more difficult and trying, pain filled, lives than others. Those people are on ‘short paths’ and have the potential to learn the lessons in one short, if painful lifetime. Avoiding many, many rebirths and shortening the journey to enlightenment.
Put another way, the painful lessons of life, chafe us and reshape us. Some into smooth, shiny stones. Some into sparkling beautiful gems. Takes a little more abrasion, but the world needs those gems, most assuredly. If life is trying to polish you into a gem best to go with the process rather than oppose it!
Mainly my dogs. They are all the family I have. I had found huge salvation in a horse rescue I am volunteering with, but was just informed that they are selling the filly I have been training; I was hoping they would hold off till our contract negotiations at work after the first of the year so I could adopt her, but no, they want her gone now. So I am staring right into the face of a huge heartbreak that I fear will consume me.
Yeah, my dogs are all that will keep me sticking around thru this.
I think this is worthy of a thread of its own. I remember how much you doted on that filly so I’m sure that this is very tough for you. I’m sorry to hear that apparently she is being adopted now, but I hope you can take solace in the fact that all the work you did with her helped her find a good home. Perhaps this just means there is another great horse out there that’s waiting to meet you and will end up being the one that’s meant to be yours.
Thank you lavenderviolet. When I am feeling a bit more up to it, I will think about starting a thread on it. Right now, it is hard to type thru tears.
There is a lot more to this. The ‘rescue’ is not really an acting rescue right now, they have not gotten any rescue horses in months. All boarders and they are pushing the few remaining rescues like Jewel out ASAP. My big fear is that they are going to send her to auction.
She won’t understand.
L.O.L. !
My daughters, and love.
Yeah…love.
Booze, mostly.
My membership in the McGill Savoy Society. I have so many lovely friends there.
More generally, how I get by in life is that I try to find three things: the amusing things, the beautiful things, and things that will happen in the future and that I look forward to.
SurrenderDorothy, I’ve seen your other posts and holy cow! I’ve never been in a place as bad as yours, I always had a running car. I can’t imagine your despair right now. I am so glad that you have a foster dog that needs you.
Fred kept me going during the horrible part of my life. Things got better. They didn’t get better quickly, but they did improve. Sometimes I think that my homeless days were good for me because I really do appreciate what I have now.
I’ll send prayers that someday, you will be able to look back on this time and learn that it made you stronger and that things are better.
A “rescue” sending horses to auction?! That’s horrible. If you seriously think that they are going to send her to auction, definitely tell everyone on here and on every horse website you can think of. I think enough of the people on here are animal lovers that we would come up with a plan to either find someone legitimate to buy her or find another rescue to take her if that happens. She is a beautiful horse and I’m sure someone legitimate would want her.
I figure there aren’t that many people who would improve the world by leaving it, and I’m not vain enough to think I’m one of them.
This is a good quesion for me since I have suicidal ideations daily. A lot has been mentioned already but I’ll go through a list of my own.
Friends and family: This is probably the most prominent. I would hate to put them through so much pain but at the same time dread the thought of them hating me for it and chastising me while I wasn’t around.
I think it’s a sin. I’m not religious, but life is such an unexplainable phenomenon that it just seems wrong somehow to check out early.
Curiosity. I’m interested to see whats next, even though everyone I know says growing old is a bitch.
Fucking it up somehow and just disabling myself and becoming a huge burden to others.
Last but not least, fear. I’m afraid to die.
Laziness.
It’s been a long day. I have contacted the owner of the rescue and asked what Jewel’s adoption fee is. She won’t tell me. I have found a place I can keep her, but the owner would rather the horses she ‘adopts’ out stay at her barn and pay her the $300 a month.
They sent 3 horses to auction a couple weeks ago because they hadn’t sold. That’s why I am afraid Jewel will be next.
Mainly self-delusion. It doesn’t hurt that I’m a billionaire married to Nicole Kidman. But it’s mainly self-delusion.
Chocolate.
Me.