A decade ago, when I was diagnosed with diabetes and went through the education involved in not having my foot fall off, I made a list of complications I’d rather die than face. I hate the thought of being dependent on others, you see, so if I ever reached the point where I knew I was going to become blind, or if I had a stroke, or lose a limb, I planned to find a way to discreetly and painlessly euthanize myself. I write “euthanize” rather than “commit suicide” because it wasn’t despair that moved me. It was partly a motivational tool, something prompt me to get my ass on the treadmill and to forgo cheesecake; and it was partly pride, as I hated the idea of being that guy who had to be taken care of by others.
But that was long ago. It feels like another life. Now what motivates me to get my ass out of the house and into the woods for a walk, to eat salad rather than a bacon double cheeseburger for lunch, to check my blood sugar multiple times a day, is my family – my wife and kids. I’ll put up with a job a sometimes hate, with medical problems, with memories of past sins and moments of utter despair, because I’m sharing my life with Earth’s most awesome woman, because my kids are infinitely precious and both need a deserve a father to take care of them. For them I’ll do anything, tolerate anything.
But that’s just me. What’s YOUR motivation for putting up with the crap of daily life?
The belief that my future will bring me substantially more pleasure/fulfillment than pain/despair, and that my death from unnatural causes would cause excessive suffering for loved ones. In other words, if my future looks bleak and my absence would not get anyone else too bent out of shape, I might elect to self-euthanize.
All of that stuff is a judgment call, and it’s also all measured relative to each other. If my future looks really miserable, e.g. if I’ve been diagnosed with some awful terminal illness like Lou Gehrig’s disease, then I might decide to check out early even if close friends and family aren’t happy about it.
I can relate Skald. I was divorced at 40 while my kids were still young. Part of me just wanted to become a bum. I thought about how much better of a father I could have been and how important it was that as a single father I give the kids every chance they deserve. I worked two jobs for 15 years straight. I never felt unhappy because I was motivated out of love.
I can’t say that people (or cats) motivate me to put up with the shittiness of life. People make make my life more tolerable, but I don’t think I am so committed to family or friends that I’d be willing to forego a chance to, say, permanently colonize another planet. Maybe one day I will have deeper attachments, but I don’t think I have them now.
The thing that keeps me going is curiosity about the future. Especially with regards to human innovation. I want to experience the awe that centenarians must feel when they compare how the world was when they were kids to the world of today. I may not get to be a part of the crew that settles on Mars, but I still want to be around when it happens. I may not get to live to 150, but I want to be around when someone else gets to be that old. I want to see what the “internet age” evolves into. And I want to contribute somehow to all the progress, even if no one knows about it except for me.
Boy, that’s kind of a loaded question! When I was younger I sometimes battled depression so at times like that I wasn’t sure that I WANTED to put up with the tensions and pitfalls of daily life! But ever since I earned my second post-secondary degree I seem to put up with daily life better than I ever did before and my main motivation for sticking around? Much the same as yours - I have a wife and two wonderful dogs that I like to be with. Plus, looking at the way life is for so many people around the world I can hardly complain. I’m married, I live in a nice house on a good-sized property in a pretty good neighborhood. I’m working at a place that I’m VERY happy to be working at (it’s the largest university near me - and, as far as I know, it’s a very well-thought-of one, too), AND (and this despite me having TWO teeth extracted in the last 7 months), I’m generally in pretty good health. So, I really don’t have much to complain about. Really. At this point (and I know this is looking down the road a ways) I’m hoping to make it to my 80s. If I do, that’ll be great. Anything beyond that will be “gravy” (as long as, that is, I’m still of sound mind and body by that time).
That’s basically it for me. The universe has been trying to kill me since I was born and I’ll do what it takes to deny it the satisfaction of winning. It will eventually, but I’m not going to make it easy.
Way I see it, if you’re motivated by something outside yourself, even if it’s something as great as love of family, you’re always going to be at risk of losing it - kids grow up and leave, people fall out of love, people die etc. And then what?
Short of dementia (in which case I’d say the question of motivation is moot anyway), you always have yourself.
So stubbornness, in my case, is the great motivator.
Last year I was diagnosed with coronary artery disease after ignoring several weeks of worsening unstable angina (self diagnosed as indigestion) and a minor heart attack. Before my cardiac catheterization I told my cardiologist I hoped my problem could be fixed with a stent, as I would not consider a bypass under any circumstances.
Everyone draws the line different places, for different reasons. And yes, I looked up a definition of vicissitudes.
Interesting question. Should you put up with all the crap life has to offer, or pick up a weapon against said crap and just put a stop to it. Dying’s just going to sleep, and when it’s a sleep that conclusively ends the miseries and sufferings of existence, well, that’s something we’d want, surely?
Dying’s just going to sleep – but what if you dream? And what kind of dreams will they be when there’s no waking up? Well, that’s the sticking point. Who’d put up with the taunts life has to offer, being put upon by people with more power, looked down their noses at by snobs, rejection, justice denied, jumped-up bureaucrats flexing their petty little muscles, when a sharp knife would put an end to it on the spot? Who’d slog their way through years of toil, if it weren’t that they don’t know what happens after we die (no-one comes back to tell us!) and we decide we’d rather stick with the evils we know rather than risk the unknown?
So I guess if we’re honest we’re just cowards, and all these grand thoughts we have just wither away when we think about it for a few moments, and all our plans, when we think about it, turn away from actually getting put into practice.
Well for one thing, I don’t let the vicissitudes of life get me down much. I try to let the little daily annoyances roll off my back. Choose my battles carefully.
It helps that I love my job and many of the people I work with. That sets a sort of baseline satisfaction with life. My work is rewarding personally, and promotes early childhood literacy and intellectual development for many kids in our community. I’m able to do this at a very hands-on level, in direct interaction with parents and new babies.
Also my kid needs me. He had a massive stroke a little more than 4 years ago when he was 17. It left him with some permanent disabilities and a long long recovery which is an ongoing process. He’s a young adult now (and studying abroad in Germany) but needs more support and assistance than would most kids his age.
Also, my love life is now better than it’s ever been; better than I ever expected it to be. And emotionally fulfilling, and full of hope for the future.
And as others have pointed out, I am genuinely curious about the world, and I want to see where it’s going and continue to learn new things.
I enjoy my hobbies and I’m masterful at some of them. They are rewarding pursuits.
I’m financially comfortable.
Sure, bothersome things happen to me, and not every day is a winner, but for me to mope about those things when I’ve got a good life and challenges to meet would be kind of sad.
[QUOTE=Dorothy Parker]
Razors pain you,
Rivers are damp,
Acids stain you,
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren’t lawful,
Nooses give,
Gas smells awful.
You might as well live.
[/QUOTE]
Heck, I could quote Dorothy Parker all day on this subject:
That’s basically it for me as well, only even more so with the kids. I love my wife dearly, don’t get me wrong–but if I were to die, she’s a strong woman and would grieve and then get over it, I think. The idea of leaving my children without a father is almost breathtaking in its visceral horror for me. The idea of being with them while they grow up is breathtaking in its joy.
Without my family, I’d still hang around, but it’d be more out of idle curiosity than anything else.